Pitt Report--Horse-napped!

Spurrier and Snigger!

Shit Pitt--Spurrier & Snigger pt. 1 of 3: “Horse-napped”
The last time we saw Spurrier, he was fighting alongside the rebellion in final battle against Shithead, the Demon of Defectation! The Cocky Coach had been instrumental in the outcome of that war, by successfully freeing two individuals who had set into motion the fall of Shithead--Vinnie Love and Betram Bunny! Vinnie and Betram had used the Rosewood Cowboy’s four-legged barking reform technique to shrink Shithead back to his normal size. Betram was then able to defeat Shithead by eating him up!

Spurrier had not gone alone on his rescue mission however, as he had rode on the back of Snigger, the Rosewood Cowboy’s horse! After a drunken pep talk to the rebellion, Spurrier had “coaxed” Snigger the horse into allowing the Cocky Coach to ride on his back. This was probably due to the fact that Snigger wanted to rescue his master, but Spurrier, who has often stated his love for animals, thought it was something more!

Now, Spurrier walked quietly towards the horse barn on the Rosewood Cowboy’s farm. Night had fallen and everyone was asleep. It was the perfect time for Spurrier to put his plan into action! Spurrier grinned, showing yellow teeth! His leathery skin stretched and strained, leaving cracks that would never go away! Spurrier had been in the sun so often with his football players, that his face was as red as the garnet color his team loved! His grin grew impossibly larger as he came to the stall where Snigger was held. Spurrier had enjoyed riding Snigger and it had made him proud as they worked together to rescue their friends! Spurrier felt there was a special bond between them, and he had come to continue that relationship!

“There ya are! Mah goodness you's a fine animal, Snigger! Ah missed ya, boy! Didja ya miss me too?”

Snigger had been sleeping, but awoke as Spurrier began to stroke his belly.

“Yeah, we had a good thing together, Snigger! We can have it again too!” Snigger neighed a bit.

“Don’t cha wanna go out for a ride, boy? Let me tell yew something...Coach Spurrier don’t take no crap, and Snigger, you ain’t no crap! You is a mighty fine animal, and it is an honor ta RIDE you! Ah’m gonna have you all to myself…now, and FOREVER!”

Spurrier continued to talking to Snigger, once again “coaxing” him, until he was able to put a bridle on, jump on his back, and ride him out of the stable! The Rosewood Cowboy heard the trotting of Snigger’s hooves leaving the farm, and ran out, but it was too late! Spurrier and Snigger were gone, vanishing into the darkness of the night!

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(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson