Wednesday, November 4, 2015

New Ink Pitt--The Boom

New Ink Pitt--Dealing with the Dupes pt. 12 of 12: The Boom

Manly Man Gaymerica opened his eyes to find himself chained to a wall next to his kidnapper, the Original Manly Man!  Confused, Gaymerica looked closer to see if what he was seeing was real.  It was indeed the Original Manly Man, who was now unconscious due to the tranquilizer dart Screenface had shot him with.  Gaymerica looked to the opposite side of Manly Man and saw a familiar face.

“Mister Bates!”  Gaymerica grew hopeful.  “Oh it is so good to see you!  You’ll get us out of here…I just know it!”

Officer Bates groaned.  “Oh man I was hoping you’d both stay unconscious.  Had enough of the Purple Pussy so I sure don’t need to hear from the Red, White, and Blue Pussy!  Be glad when the BOOM finally happens!”

Gaymerica grew curious.  “The Boom?  What’s that?”

“The Boom is what you, me, and the Purple Pussy here are gonna do any minute now!”

“What?  By Boom, do you mean we’re going to have a threesome?  Oh, Mister Bates
I knew you’d come around!“

“No, you fruitcake!  By boom I mean, explode!”

Gaymerica giggled.  “Oh I know you will, Mister Bates!  I’ll make sure you do after I give you a hand hehe!”

Bates shook his head.

“Is that why my kidnapper and would be assassin, the “original” Manly Man is here chained up with us?  You caught him and rescued me so you could have your way with both of us?!?  Very kinky, Mister Bates!  Where are we anyway?”

Bates gritted his teeth.  “LISTEN, We’re in one of Screenface’s hideouts.  The Purple Pussy got the drop on us both though, and held us captive a while.  Then Screenface’s men and his girlfriend got him free.  He then returned the favor by capturing the Purple Pussy when he came back here with you.  Now he’s gonna blow up this hideout since it’s compromised and we’re here.”

“Ooo that dirty Screenface!  He’s just jealous that I’m his Presidential Princess and the one true victor in the election!  Maybe I can talk some sense into him…make him my Vice Princess--ooooo--and he’ll agree to let us go!”

Bates sighed.  “Oh God please make it stop!”

“Calm down, Mister Bates.  You can rest easy and not play hero this one time!  Save your energy for showing appreciation to your Presidential Princess…hopefully in the form of a long, intimate hug!  Hehe!  Don’t worry, I’ll get us out of here!”

“You’re forgettin’ one thing, Presidential Pussy!”  Bates growled.  “Screenface doesn’t have a reason to come back in here and talk to you!  He’s probably gonna push the button and that’s it!”

Gaymerica gasped.  “Oh my goodness!”

***

Screenface sat on an executive leather chair in the nearby room Manly Man had used to spy on the concrete prison.  The room was filled with monitors and other surveillance equipment that allowed Screenface views of every part of his abandoned office building hideout.  The Veiled Villain watched Bates, Manly Man, and Gaymerica on a large monitor in front of him.

Markéta stood behind Screenface, with her hands on his shoulders.  “When goes the boom, My Love?  I am ready to be away from this place!”

“Soon Markéta.  I am waiting for a few more possible guests.”

“Who?”
Screenface lifted a finger and pointed to another monitor.  “There.”  Billy G and the other Manlies were seen pulling up outside the abandoned office building.  “They’ve come for their precious Gaymerica, as I expected.  Manly Man sought to trap them here possibly, but now they will be eliminated by SCREENFAACE!”

***

Billy G pulled got out of his truck and cocked his pistol.  He was followed by Manly Man Safari and Yellow.  Manly Man Brown and Midnight climbed out of the back and joined them.  They walked up to the door that had been padlocked before by the Original Manly Man.  It was no longer there, but being their first visit, Billy G and company had no idea that there had ever been a lock.   The five of them walked in, only to suddenly and violently have the door slammed shut behind them!

“What the hell!?”  Billy G whirled around and tried to reopen the door, but it was useless.  The other Manlies attempted to help, but it would not open.  Billy G sighed.  “Well ah kinda figured it was a trap!  We gotta go on if we wanta rescue Gaymerica!”

The other Manlies agreed.  Safari was in such agreement that he got on all fours and rubbed up against Billy G’s leg before running over to a support beam , sliding off his pants and relieving himself like an animal!  Billy G smiled.  Yellow started to tell a joke but was cut off by the arrival of three of Screenface’s suited men who aimed their assualt rifles at the group.

“Come with us!”  one of the suited men demanded.

“Who the hell are you guys, and where is Gaymerica?!?” Billy G shouted.

“Come with us…NOW!”  Their rifles clicked.

“NO!”  Billy G then fired his pistol twice and hit one of the men in the shoulder!  They opened fire but the Manlies and Billy G scattered.  Before the men could respond, Safari and Midnight were already behind them, moving at a superhuman speed.  Midnight took out one man by grabbing him and trying to “suck his blood” by biting him in the neck until he went down.  He drew no blood but evidently pinched a nerve that knocked the man out.  Safari also bit the other man, but in the leg as he latched onto him like a bulldog!  Yellow giggled and stood behind Billy G.  Brown surveyed the room for any more attackers.  The shot man scampered off towards the back of the building where the elevator was located.  Billy G and company followed.  Midnight put his bite on the other man Safari held and rendered him unconscious before moving on.

Billy G and the Manlies followed the man down a long dark hallway and located the elevator, which he was already on.  They pushed the button and waited.  The elevator returned and they got on and rode it down.  The elevator doors opened to reveal another hallway which had doorways on either side.  There was no sign of the wounded man,  but Safari began to sniff the air.

“Whatcha smell, Safari?” Billy G asked as he petted Safari on the back.

Safari whined and then took off down the hallway, barking like a dog!

“It’s Gaymerica!  It’s gotta be!  Safari has picked up his scent! C’mon fellas!”  Bill G rushed off after him as the other manlies followed.  They rounded a corner to find Safari in front of one of the doors, scratching the floor.  He whined again and looked up at Billy G.

“Good job, Safari!  Now back up and let’s get this thing open.  Billy G slid the simple latch lock aside and opened the door.  Before them were the captured Gaymerica, Officer Bates, and the Original Manly Man!  Suddenly, an alarm went off.

“What’s that?!?” Billy G asked.

“Probably Screenface letting us all know this place is about to blow!”  Bates growled.

“Huh?” Billy G was confused.  Manly Man Brown and Yellow rushed into the room to free Gaymerica.

“He’s gonna blow this whole place up!  This is Screenface’s hideout!  I’ll explain later…just get me down from here quick!”

Once freed, Bates ran out of the room, intent on capturing Screenface before the boom!

“Mister Bates, where are you going?!?”  The Original Manly Man grew worried.  With Bates gone he had no one to deal with him lawfully and take him in for his crimes.  Now he was at the mercy of his own manlies and Billy G who stood around and stared at him.  He was still chained to the wall and helpless.  Gaymerica walked up to him.

“Ok, sugar you’ve got a lot to answer for!”  Gaymerica then slapped the Original Manly  Man in the face, but got his hand stuck!

“Wh-what’s going on?”  Gaymerica tried to pull his bare hand away but some unseen force held it right on the Original Manly Man’s cheek!

“I don’t know! Last time this happened you were asleep hehe!  Sure tickles!”  As he spoke, the Original Manly Man felt the tingly feeling he felt before, only this time the charge that built up did not separate the two.  Gaymerica felt himself slipping further into the Original Manly Man.  His hand was suddenly turned to a liquid like substance as he began to meld with him!  The tingling built up to a shock that produced a powerful white light that caused Billy G and the other manlies to shield their eyes.  When they looked again, Manly Man Gaymerica was gone and only the Original Manly Man hung on the wall before them!  The manlies were shocked, and backed off.  Only Billy G moved forwards to confront him.

“Wh-what happened ta Gaymerica?  What did you do?!?" Billy G waved his pistol around.

"Relax Sugar.  I couldn't help it!  The manlies are part of me and physical contact with them evidently returns them to me!  It almost happened before when I touched Gaymerica in the limo!  Please, let me free before we all die!  I'll explain more once we're outta here!"

Billy G quickly freed the Original Manly Man and the group made there way back up the elevator towards the exit.

***

Meanwhile, Officer Bates had made his way to the rooftop, after spotting an escaping Screenface and Markéta headed up some stairs.  One of Screenface's men kept Bates from reaching them, and by the time he got to the roof, the Veiled Villain and Markéta were in a helicopter high above the building.  Bates gritted his teeth in frustration as Screenface waved at him from the helicopter.  It was then that the building exploded!

NEXT:  AFTERMATH
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 13, 2016

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Before the Boom

New Ink Pitt--Dealing with the Dupes pt. 11 of 12: Before the Boom
Markéta meets the Manly Man!


The Original Manly Man pushed the stretcher carrying Manly Man Gaymerica into the abandoned office building.  The stretcher wheels ground along the charred surface of the first floor, which had been set ablaze by Screenface a few days before.  They passed the trap door that Screenface and Officer Bates had both gone through before getting captured by Manly Man.  They went down a long darkened hall that led to an elevator that was powered by some sort of generator Screenface had set up.  Manly Man then wheeled his dupe in and started whistling.

“Sorry there’s no elevator music for us, Gaymerica!  Would be soooo romantic with us in here all alone!  We’d stare into each others’ eyes and have some fruity drinks before making love…right there on your stretcher! Hehe!  Course it would help if you were awake ha!”

Manly Man sighed.  “But ya can think Screenie Poo for that!  He’s so busy being a silly super villain that he doesn’t think about romantic things…or all the naughty stuff ya can do with your partner on an elevator ride oooo!”

DING!

“Ok sugar, this is our floor!  Time to get off,  but by moving our legs not our dicks!  That comes later heheh!”

The door slid open, revealing Markéta and Screenface’s men.

“I agree Manly Man Original.  It is time for you to get off…and come with us!”  Markéta waved her hand, and the two men raised assault rifles, which they pointed at the two Manly Men.

“Oh my goodness! It’s a stick up!”  Manly Man giggled.  “I don’t have any money, but I can offer you two gentlemen lip service, meaning my lips around your--”

“SHUT UP!”  Markéta shouted.  “You will come with us because you are now prisoner of Screenface!”

“Ooo and who are you, their slutty sister?  Sorry, the Manly Man might be queer and very freaky, but he doesn’t do boy on girl action!  You’ll have to find someone else!”

Markéta then pulled out her whip and snapped it in the Manly Man’s direction, nearly smacking him right in the head!

“Hey!  That means war, Sister!”  Manly Man prepared to leap towards Markéta but was stopped by a single dart to the neck!  It was a tranquilizer dart shot from a special weapon held by Screenface.

“Screenface! What you do here?”

Screenface laughed.  “My apologies, Fair Markéta.  I do not wish to rob you of enjoyment, but I had to come and capture this one myself after he invaded our hideout and took me hostage!”  He walked up to the now asleep Manly Man and scoffed.  “Now I will finally be rid of you and your perversion!  So speaks SCREENFAACE!”

*****

Meanwhile, back at the hospital where Manly Men Yellow, Safari, Brown, and Midnight have been recovering along with “First Man” Billy G. Hydrick…

“C’mon, Fellas!  Ya’ll load inta this here truck!”  Billy G. shouted from the driver’s seat of an old pickup truck he’d purchased with money paid to him by Manly Man Gaymerica during his service in the “presidential” campaign.  Safari opened the passenger’s door and then climbed on all fours into the truck, curling up next to Billy G like some weird cross between a really clingy girlfriend and a puppy!  Behind him came Manly Man Yellow, who promised that as he rode shotgun that he’d tell as many jokes as possible to keep the mood light!  Brown and Midnight got into the back and would end up discussing tree hugging and vampirism as acceptable alternative lifestyles!

“All right!  Let’s go rescue Manly Man Gaymerica from…the umm Manly Man!”  Billy G looked confused, but put the truck in gear and drove off in the direction of the office building hideout!

NEXT:  THE BOOM
RETURNS WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 28, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!
$2.99 plus shipping!  For Mature Readers.



 


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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Plans for Manly Man

New Ink Pitt--Secret Signals pt. 2 of 2: “Plans for Manly Man”

Officer Bates coughed as the rest of the pink smoke of the gay gas finally left the concrete room.  The woman known as Markéta had helped Screenface leave the room right after her appearance, leaving Bates behind.  Luckily the cramps had left him and he felt himself again.

The metal door to the concrete room suddenly opened, and two men in black suits stormed the room.  They grabbed the weakened Bates and shoved him up against the wall.  A few moments later he was once more bound there, held by the shackles attached to it.  The two men moved aside as Screenface strode in, with the lovely Markéta on his arm.

“Ah, Officer Bates are you feeling better?  I know I am…now that I’ve had a chance to escape the “gay” gas.  I see you’ve met my men.”

Bates gritted his teeth.  “Dammit, Screenface!  When I get outta here I’m gonna bust you and the Purple Pussy!”

Screenface glanced over at Markéta through his screeny demeanor and they both laughed.  “Oh, Officer Bates, that is where you are so wrong!  I have it on good authority…MY AUTHORITY…that you will never be leaving this place!”
“What are you talkin’ about?!?”  Bates struggled in his bonds as he felt his strength coming back to him.

“Now do not get alarmed, but I told you that this hideout was compromised, and that I would destroy it.”  Another suited man entered the room with a tray that held two champagne glasses.  In the other hand he held a bottle of wine, which he poured for Screenface and Markéta.  Screenface slipped the wine glass under his screeny covering and took a sip.  “This entire building is already rigged to explode.  I just need to press a button.”

“What’re ya waiting on then?!?  Explodin’ has gotta be better than watchin’ ya drink wine with your bimbo there!”

“NO!” Screenface shouted and began to move towards Bates.  Markéta held him back.  “You will NOT talk about Markéta that way!  She is quite a remarkable woman, and very talented!”

Bates retorted.  “Yeah, I bet she is!  With that outfit, I bet she can do all sorts of things that’d land her in jail!”

“Ticho!”  Markéta stepped between Screenface and Bates.  She pointed a finger at the officer.  “Silence I say, you stupid American!”

“Ohh, so you’re a foreign chick, huh?  I should’a known a world class villain like Screenface would have an international girlfriend!  Where’d you two meet, on an online dating site?”

Markéta got closer to Bates, and then reached around and pulled a long whip from some unknown location on her skintight cat suit.  “Silence!  I am Markéta, from Czech Republic, and my talents lie in torture of man!”  She then snapped the whip through the air to her right, nearly smacking one of the suited men with it!

Screenface interjected.  “You see, Markéta’s talent is that she is the finest of her country when it comes to torture.  Be thankful you have no information we need, and that you are going to explode, Bates!  Markéta would not be as painless!  So let me tell you how this is going to go down.  We will wait here until the return of the Manly Man.  Once he arrives, we will capture him and you will both go BOOM while SCREENFAACE and his company escape! HAHAHA!!

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  BEFORE THE BOOM
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!
$2.99 plus shipping!  For Mature Readers.



 


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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

New Ink Pitt--The Female Factor

New Ink Pitt--Secret Signals pt. 1 of 2: “The Female Factor”
Markéta Appears!

Officer Bates and Screenface lay emotional on the floor of the concrete room.  The “Gay” Gas continued to rise, filling the room with a pink smoke.  Screenface was still crying and going on about how he wished he’d been nicer to his enemies, while Bates was growling in pain at his “female” cramps.

BZZZZZZZT!  A strange static was suddenly heard.

“Urggghh…what….is that?”  Bates grasped his stomach as he lay on his side, nearly in the fetal position.

Screenface sobbed, “It’s…it’s my transmitter!”

Bates forgot his pain for a moment.  “What?”

“My transmitter.  In my tooth.  It’s what I used to contact my men…oh my men!  It will be soo good to see them again!  They’ll help me out of here and then I’ll make them a nice meal and give them raises!”

“You’ve…got a…urgghh…radio transmitter in your t-tooth?  Why d-didn’t ya use it sooner?”

Screenface sighed between sobs.  “I told you earlier that this room prevents me from contacting my men, but only because the outside is incased in lead!  When the Manly Man continued to open the door, I was able to flick my tongue against the transmitter and send a distress signal!”

The static began to build.  “I’m picking up a signal again…which means the door is open!”  Screenface looked through the pink smoke towards the doorway.  It was difficult to see but the sound of the metal door sliding open against the concrete confirmed his conclusion.  Screenface strained to see his rescuers through the pink smoke.  Officer Bates rose up slightly from the floor and looked as well.  The silhouette of a figure appeared in the pink smoke, and the clicking of heels on the concrete was heard as it moved closer.  The figure finally emerged from the smoke and stood before Bates and Screenface.  Bates was astonished to see that their rescuer was a slender yet muscled blonde woman in a blue catsuit!  Screenface attempted to stand and address the woman.

“Hello, Markéta!”

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  PLANS FOR MANLY MAN
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 9, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!
$2.99 plus shipping!  For Mature Readers.



 


Also available for purchase: the Peeper #7 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for August 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to the Tilted Kilt & Billy G's KFC Investigation!





















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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Gay Gas

New Ink Pitt--Bates and Screenface pt. 5 of 5:  "Gay Gas"*

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”  Officer Bates shouted at Screenface, who was trying to give him a hug.

“Bates…I’m sorry…I’m just…so emotional!”  The Veiled Villain sobbed as he broke into tears underneath his screeny demeanor.  “I…just need someone to…CUDDLE WITH!”  Screenface leapt with arms open towards Officer Bates.  Bates backed away and into a corner of the concrete room.

“My God, Man, what is wrong with you?  You’ve become some sort of Sissyface! Urgggh and why do I have cramps in my stomach?!?”

“It’s…the gay gas…Manly Man is using it on us to make us more effeminate!”  Screenface said between sobs.

“Urgghhh that’s it!  Forgot he questioned you about that before he gave us that damn sleeping gas again!  Tell me why you have “gay” gas as a torture device?”

“It was something…sniff…I concocted after my encounter with the Manly Man in the Whitespace.  I felt having a weapon…sob…that could make my enemies effeminate and weak would guarantee victory over them!”  Screenface then paused and sat down in the other corner slowly.  “Now though…I feel so AWFUL about it!  I was going to use it on Trostelus and Gaymerica because I wanted to rule the New Ink Pitt!  I should have just called them up and chatted because we could have been great friends!”

SMACK!  “Get a hold of yourself!”  Officer Bates yelled as he smacked Screenface across his screen-covered face.  “You’re acting like a woman when you should be using your super-intellect to help me figure a way out of here!!  There must be some way to es--urrgghhh!”  Bates grabbed his stomach as he felt another spasm of pain.  The cramp was so strong that he fell to the floor!

“I’m sorry, Bates!  On a positive note, the title “gay” gas is a misnomer.  The gas will not make us gay, but it will certainly make us feel like women!”

“Urrghh too hurt to care!  Hope I don’t grow ughhh boobs!”

“If exposed…long enough…that is a possibility!”  Screenface continued to cry.

Suddenly, a panel in the door of the room slid open, revealing the face of the Manly Man!
“Hey guys…or should I say girls? Hehe!  How are you feeling?”

“Daaamn…you!” Officer Bates struggled to speak.

“Doing pretty good I see!  Oh Screenie Poo, your gay gas sure does work wonders! Now I don’t have to worry about keeping you two bound up on the wall while I’m out!  Anyway, I know you’re busy, but I wanted to make sure you took time to eat so I brought you some snacks!”  Manly Man slid in a tray with an assortment of packaged foods that included crackers, cookies, and snack cakes.  “Now don’t be upset that it’s all unhealthy, Girls!  It’s the best I could do on such short notice, so you’ll have to eat it for now!”

“Well, don’t have too much fun while I’m gone!  I’m headed out to a comedy show!  Manly Man Yellow is performing, and the little ditz put out a poster, making him really easy to find!”

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  SECRET SIGNALS
WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 2, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!
$2.99 plus shipping!  For Mature Readers.



 


Also available for purchase: the Peeper #7 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for August 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to the Tilted Kilt & Billy G's KFC Investigation!





















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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Big Ball Dilemma

New Ink Pitt--Bates and Screenface pt. 4 of 5:  Big Ball Dilemma*
Manly Man's Big Ball Dilemma!

The door to the concrete room that held Officer Bates and Screenface slid open, letting in a proudly-prancing Man Princess!

“Hey GUYS!” Manly Man shouted as he happily bounced into the room.  “How are you doing?”  The fatigued Bates and Screenface made no attempt to answer.

“That good, huh?   Well I’m doing much better after writing in my diary!  I faced a dilemma--a really BIG dilemma!  It dealt with what to do with my dupes.  Those five faggy fakers are impersonating me in one sense, which I don’t appreciate!  On the other hand, they essentially are me and I’ve kinda grown fond of them!

“I couldn’t bring myself to kill them, but my ego wouldn’t let them just continue to run around using my name and wearing my face!  That naughty dilemma!  It was like two really big sour balls hanging right in front of my luscious lips!  No matter which one I chose, I was sure to get smacked in the face hehe!”

Manly Man held up cupped hands in the air and made squeezing motions.  “So I tested out each of those balls…in my mind of course…to see which one would be best!  I prodded, petted, and pinched them to check to see which ball would best please me!”

Bates groaned.

“What was that Mr. Bates?  Are you getting jealous again?!?  How are we ever going to be a couple if you don’t let me play with other balls? Hehe!”

“Could you spare us the ball story and get to the point?” Bates demanded.

“OH ALL RIGHT!  Mr. Bates, you are just no fun!  Now Screenie Poo over there isn’t going to get to hear the rest of my ball story!”

“The story matters not to SCREENFAACE!”

Manly Man stood with his hands on hips as he looked over at Screenface.  “See what you did, Mr. Bates?  Now Screenie Poo doesn’t want to hear it either!!”  He then sighed and shook his head.

“ANYWAY, I decided that best way to deal with my dupes is not to kill them, but let them know who’s boss!  I’m still going to hunt and shoot at them, but only to get their attention!  Once I’ve “marked” the other three,  I’ll reveal myself and tell them to line up behind the Original Man Princess or get lost!”

Manly Man paused for a moment.  “There’s just one problem.  You guys!  Can’t leave you hanging around here, even if it does please me to imagine you as two big balls hangin--”

“SHUT UP WITH THE BALL TALK YOU DAMN PURPLE PUSSY!”  Bates yelled.

“Oh my goodness, Mr. Bates you sure are angry!”  Manly Man giggled.  “I like that in a man though!  I know you’re upset because you’re uncomfortable hanging there, but I wanted you to know I think I’ve found a solution!  I may need more information from Screenie Poo though!  Screenie, why oh why do you have a switch in your control room labeled GAY GAS?”

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  GAY GAS
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 26, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


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All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for August 2015
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Wednesday, August 12, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Advice & Answers

New Ink Pitt--Bates and Screenface pt. 3 of 5:  Advice & Answers*
Manly Man, getting advice!

The Manly Man sat in his chair in front of the bound Officer Bates and Screenface.

“I need answers, guys!  Can you tell me why Billy G Hydrick was runnin’ around the woods naked with my dupe?!?”

“Probably because Gaymerica finally turned him gay!” Bates retorted.

Manly Man slid his hands between his crotch and grabbed the front of his chair, which raised his shoulders in a very feminine pose.  “Oh Mr. Bates, you’re such a smarty!  That does make sense though! That little heifer Safari has picked up where Gaymerica left off in the attempted Gayification of Billy G!”

“But that’s not what I’m asking.  I already know that Billy G was only naked because he was skinny-dipping with Safari.  Either that or they were playing grab-ass in the woods!”

Manly Man sighed.  “What I really want to know is…why isn’t Billy G running around naked with me?”

Bates responded again.  “Probably because you tried to kill his friends!”

“Mr. Bates…are you JEALOUS?  Worried that Billy G is going to get some of this Man Princess before you?  Don’t worry, Sugar!  I’ve had great fun playing with your pistol and it makes me want the real thing so much more!  All you have to do is do what you said…turn gay!  Ooo I’ll be all over you like frillies on panties!  Any chance?”

Bates gritted his teeth. “Nope. But there is a chance that I will LOCK YOU UP when I get loose from here!”

“Oh Mr. Bates!  You and your elaborate ideas of escape!  Don’t you know that Screenie Poo there designed this room to hold any and all of his enemies?  I do think it was originally designed to hold the Ink Avenger, wasn’t it Screenie?”

“Yes…that is true.”  Screenface groaned.  “Should the Ink Avenger ever show up, this room is designed to hold him, even in his ‘roided state, but how do you know that?”

Manly Man giggled.  “Well…I was snooping around and I read that in some of your files here in your hideout!  I found out something else on my own though!  This room was also designed in such a way that even Screenie Poo can’t escape!”

Screenface turned his head quickly towards Manly Man.  “What? How do you know that?”

“Screenie Poo, did you forget your hidden camera over there in the wall?  I heard you say you couldn’t contact your men because of how you designed this room.  Would like to know more about why, but it’s enough now to know that you can’t escape.  Was unsure at first, which is why I gassed you!”

“I still just don’t feel comfortable letting either of you loose from your shackles, even with the room locked!  You might try to jump me when I come in…which may not be a bad thing--hehe-- if you two would suddenly go gay!  Don’t like seeing you hanging around there all the time though.  It looks quite painful!”

“I’ll figure something out.  Got a lot on my mind, so I’m going to go work my feelings out all alone--sigh---with my diary!”

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  GAY GAS
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 19, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
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Wednesday, August 5, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Screenface's Role

New Ink Pitt--Bates and Screenface pt. 2 of 5:  Screenfaces' Role*



Officer Bates and Screenface hung unconscious in their concrete prison.  The sleeping gas
had kept them out for quite some time.  That would change as Officer Bates slowly regained consciousness.

Bates shook his head in an attempt to cast off the wooziness he felt from the gas.  He then looked over at Screenface, who was also waking up.

“So, what’s your part in all this?”

There was silence for a few moments as Screenface regained his senses.  “Bates,” Screenface’s voice was raspy as he sleepily struggled to make sense of the question.  “it is too early in the morning to be asking questions.  Why don’t you just go back to sleep?”

“Don’t avoid the question!”  Bates moved around a bit on the wall and became aware that even though he was awake, his bound wrists were not.  He gritted his teeth at the tingly sensation in his hands after having his arms above his head for an undetermined amount of time.

Screenface slowly turned his veiled head towards Bates.  “You want information?  You were dead set that you’d found your man, and that man was me…SCREENFAAAACE!”

Bates listened closely.  It seemed Screenface had an Italian accent.  He tried to see who he was underneath the veil, but it was too translucent, and Bates’ trademark sunglasses didn’t help his vision.

“So you admit you have something to do with this?”

Screenface scoffed. “Officer Bates, I am a master criminal.  This sloppy capture is NOT the work of Screenfaaaace!  Rather, it is a bizarre yet blundering attempt at revenge by the Manly Man, who resents my elimination of him in the Whitespace.”

“If it’s so sloppy, Mr. Master Criminal, why are you chained to this wall with me?”

“Manly Man took me by surprise.  He’s supposed to be dead after all!  I came back here to my hideout, which you so eloquently found.  I set that fire and then escaped through my trap door.  When I got to the bottom, he whacked me over the head as he did you.”

Bates smiled. “So that explains this room with the shackles and the convenient vent for releasing sleeping gas!  This place really is your secret hideout!”

“One of my secret hideouts, and one that has been compromised.  I would destroy it if I could somehow contact my men, but this room prevents me from doing so.  I designed it that way, so that no captives would escape Screenfaaace!”

Bates smirked.  “Do you have to keep saying your name like that?”

“Like what?” Screenface appeared confused.

“Your name is Screenface, right?”

“Yes, Officer Bates you know my name!!”

“Screenface?”

“Screenfaaace!”

“Screenface, not Screenfaaace.  What is with all the emphasis on the “a” in the “face?”

 “Officer Bates, I fail to see the importance of you questioning the name of SCREENFAAACE!”

Bates sighed.  Suddenly, a sound came from the metal door of the room.  Whatever lock held it closed was being worked.  The door opened to reveal the Manly Man!  He walked in casually, taking no notice of them at first.  He carried a folding chair that he set up right in front of the bound Bates and Screenface.  He then sat down, with his head hanging a bit low.

“Hey guys, did you have a good rest?  Sorry to disturb you, but I really need some advice!”


*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  ADVICE & ANSWERS
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 12, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


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Wednesday, July 29, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Equipped Room

New Ink Pitt--Bates and Screenface pt. 1 of 5:  Equipped Room*
The Manly Man, watching his captives

Manly Man stood before the bound Officer Rick Bates and Screenface.  After revealing his assassination attempt plot to them, he was now ready to go “deal” with his dupes!

“Well, I’ll see you two guys later, because I’ve got some copycats to take care of!” Manly Man turned to walk out of the room, but then stopped.

“Ooo, I almost forgot!  Can’t leave you both here like you are because you might try to escape!  Screenie Poo is a master villain and Mr. Bates--you’re a crafty policeman!”

“Not to worry though, because this room is equipped to deal with naughty prisoners!  Once I’m outside, it’ll fill up with enough sleeping gas to keep you two under for a while!  Sweet dreams--hopefully of me! Heheh”

Manly Man then walked out and slammed the metal door behind him.  Bates surveyed the room.  It was concrete and barren, with only one vent that was located on the wall opposite of them.  Even if they could get free of the shackles and chains that bound them, it was doubtful they could escape the room itself.

“SSSSSSSS”  The sound of the sleeping gas entering the single vent shattered the silence of the concrete room and caused Bates to grit his teeth in frustration.  He tried in vain to fight the effects of the gas, but it was useless.  A few moments later, Bates and Screenface were both unconscious once more.

The room was not quite as empty as Bates thought.  Buried in the wall near the vent was a hidden camera.  In a nearby room. the Manly Man watched to make certain that his two captives were sedated before his departure.

*This story takes place after Assassination Attempt pt. 12 and during the Dealing with the Dupes storyline

NEXT:  SCREENFACE'S ROLE
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 5, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Letter in Lipstick

New Ink Pitt--Dealing with the Dupes pt. 10 of 12:  Letter in Lipstick
Billy G gets Manly Man's Message!

Billy G was worried.  Manly Man Gaymerica should have arrived at the hospital by now! He was still sitting in the hospital room with Manly Men Safari, Yellow, Brown, and Midnight.

“Hey fellas, ah’m gonna go down and see if Gaymerica is here yet.”

He then took the elevator down to the first floor and made his way to the back exit, which was where Gaymerica told him he’d arrive.  Billy G walked out the back door and into the alley.  There was no sign of Gaymerica or his limo.  Billy G then turned around to see a message written on the exit door in red lipstick!  It read:

“This is the REAL Manly Man!  I’ve got your naughty Gaymerica  and I’m holding him at this address.”
The message then gave the address of Manly Man’s abandoned office building hideout and went on to say:

“Come and get him!  All the AmbASSadors are welcome and don’t forget Billy G!”

Billy G ran back to the elevator and told the AmbASSadors the news.  Duty-bound to their presidential princess, they made arrangements to leave the hospital despite their injuries, and were all en-route to the hideout within an hour!

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT:  SCREENFACE'S ROLE
WEDNESDAY JULY 29, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental


NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Timeless Theater--Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Hands of Time discusses Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, starring Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Angelina Jolie!





All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Feeling the Dupe

New Ink Pitt--Dealing with the Dupes pt. 9 of 12:  Feeling the Dupe
Gaymerica in the Limo

The Original Manly Man got out of Manly Man Gaymerica’s stretch limo.  He was parked in the alley behind the abandoned warehouse that had been his secret hideout.
Manly Man opened the back door of the limo to pull out the unconscious Gaymerica.

“End of the road, Sugar!  Gotta get you into my hideout because once your ‘AmbASSadors’ read the message I left, they’ll be here in no time!”

Gaymerica’s body was strewn across the back seat, appearing as if it had gotten thrown around during the drive.

“Oh my goodness look at you!  Do I drive that badly?  You gotta pull yourself together, Sugar!  A real Manly Man doesn’t go around looking like a drunken man whore!  Have some poise…and close those legs!”

“Ooo but if you were a drunken man whore, and not my duplicate, then it’d be okay and we’d have ourselves a fun time hehe!”

Manly Man leaned forward to pull Gaymerica towards the open doorway, but then paused and admired “himself.”

“Hmm I--you --sure have some nice biceps there, Sugar!  Very impressive!  Not as big as the original, but not bad!  Let me get a feel!”

Manly Man put one hand on Gaymerica’s bicep, and attempted to run his fingers across it.  He discovered it was impossible as his entire hand was stuck in one spot!

“Oh my goodness, what is that sticky stuff?  Have you been playing with yourself back here during the drive? Hehe!”

Manly Man moved his arm around in an attempt to free his hand from the stickiness of Gaymerica, but was unable to budge.  Suddenly Manly Man felt a slight tingly feeling that built up to a shock that somehow separated the two.

“Eeowtch!!”  Manly Man pulled himself out of the car quickly. “Ooo sugar, what was that?!?”

Manly Man resolved that putting on some gloves might help.  He was right.  After donning his pink gloves, he was able to touch Gaymerica without getting sticky or shocked.  He then lifted Gaymerica’s unconscious body and placed him on a stretcher.

“Good thing I got this rolling bed out of the hospital!  Makes pushing your sexy ass around a lot easier!  Once I get you into my hideout, we’re going to have so much fun together!  Gotta wash that stickiness off your body first though hehe!”

Manly Man opened the padlocked door that Officer Bates had gone through when he first arrived.  He then rolled Gaymerica in.

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT:  LETTER IN LIPSTICK
WEDNESDAY JULY 22, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
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Saturday, July 11, 2015

Timeless Theater Returns Promo

Hands of Time returns next week with Timeless Theater!



All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

New Ink Pitt--Rear Entry

New Ink Pitt--Dealing with the Dupes pt. 8 of 12:  Rear Entry
Gaymerica, face-to-face with the Original Manly Man!

Billy G. sat in the hospital room that held Manly Men Safari, Yellow, Brown, and Midnight.   Now that it was revealed that the stalker of the Manlies was supposedly the “original” Manly Man, things were more confusing than ever!  If Billy G.‘s boss, the Presidential Princess Gaymerica, and his AmbASSadors, which consisted of the other Manly Men, were not the original Manly Man, split into five versions, then who were they?  Billy G. wondered who exactly he had been working for all these months.  Was this sixth Manly Man truly the original, or was he just someone playing mind games with the Manlies in order to throw them off?  Whatever the case, a worried Billy G. had called Manly Man Gaymerica, who had gone into hiding after being attacked.  Hours had  passed, and the Presidential Princess was set to arrive at any moment now.
     Gaymerica did arrive, pulling up in a large stretch limo at the back of the hospital.  It was his hope that he could keep his arrival secret by going in the back way.  Gaymerica laughed as they came to a stop in front of a door marked “Rear Entry.”  He spoke to his driver, who was a translucent image against the screen between them.  “Ooo now this is really Gaymerica’s style!  The Presidential Princess is--when it comes to public outings--a front and center, attention-getting kinda guy, but at the end of the day, he still likes to use the back door the most!”  Gaymerica reached over and ate some salted peanuts.  “How about you, Ted?  Do you like to go in the rear?”  Ted the driver did not speak.  Gaymerica laughed.  “Oh, Ted?  What are you doing up there?  Are you masturbating to your Presidential Princess in the front seat?”  No answer.  Gaymerica grew worried.  “Ted, are you ok?”  The screen between Gaymerica and his driver suddenly slid down, revealing a face quite shocking to the Presidential Princess!  It was the Original Manly Man!  “Oooo, hello there, Gaymerica!  Good to see ya again!  I’m proud of you--taking charge like you have--but sugar, now it’s time for the original to reclaim his rightful place as the one true Man Princess!  So, goodnight for now! Heheh!”  The screen slid back up quickly.  Gaymerica was still in a state of shock as gas began to enter through the air vents in the car!  In a few moments, Gaymerica was unconscious!  The Original Manly Man drove off, kidnapping his dupe and leaving behind a clue that would lead all the Manlies to him!

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT:  FEELING THE DUPE
WEDNESDAY JULY 15, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work

are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

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