Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Shit Pitt--Squaw and Laddermore

How will the Cowboy deal with Smellypants?

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 2 of 5: “Squaw and Laddermore”
Coach Spurrier had regained his senses…almost. The Gamey Garnet Cockwine he’d been drinking had placed him in a servere state of drunkeness! Marrying Snigger the horse had made for the greatest day of his life, and the intensity of his celebration after reflected that!

When the Rosewood Cowboy crashed Spurrier’s wedding reception though, Spurrier quickly began to sober up! Getting shot at and then trying to hang onto the back of the fleeing Snigger had nearly shaken him back to soberness! The ride on Snigger’s back had been long and hard, but Spurrier suddenly became aware that it was over.

“Snigger, what is it, Love? Where we at?”

Spurrier slowly slid off the back of the love of his life, but held to him for support. Spurrier wobbled around and tried to see where they were. He looked in front of them with blurry vision and saw a light in the distance. He strained his eyes to see where it was coming from. He began to make out the silhouette of a building, and a parking lot in front of it. Spurrier shook his head in unbelief.

“Aww Snigger! Ya romantic cuss you! Ya done brought us to a hotel!
Now we can consummate our marriage!


The Rosewood Cowboy walked back over to Christopher Smellypants. The ex-football player and lover of pigs had taken a bullet to the butt, courtesy of the Cowboy! The Cowboy squatted down beside the fallen football star.

“Son, ya make me sick! Piggy Passes my ass! I think you was making passes at that pig, and it disgusts me! I really wanna teach ya some manners!”

The Cowboy pointed the gun at Smellypants again, but then moved it away.

“Yep, teach ya some manners! I ain’t gonna use no more lead though! Got other ways of rehabilitatin’ people! All ya gotta do is get down on all fours…and bark like a dog!”

Smellypants refused, but quickly did as the Cowboy demanded when the gun was pointed at him again. The Cowboy laughed. Suddenly, current football players, Markus Laddermore and Connor Squaw appeared from some nearby bushes. Laddermore yelled out.

“’Ey what the hell is goin’ on here?!?”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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