Carnastas has been changed!
Shit Pitt--Shitfall--Reynolds Revival pt. 1 of 3:
“Carnastas--Vegetarian?!?”
Recently, the Reverend Reynolds stopped the Rosewood Cowboy from tying up the “loose ends” of the Shitwar by shooting the jailed Shitlings! Since that time, the Reverend Reynolds has made progress in reforming at least some of the Shitlings. In his video blog last week, he said that he held a revival in Shitlings’ prison, and Ronnie Slickbottom, Carnastas the Clown, and Betram Bunny (who just wanted a new face) were converted and healed! Now, we look back to the beginning of the revival to see how these conversions took place!
The Reverend Reynolds approached his small portable podium and opened the “good book.” He looked at the Shitlings gathered before him, come to hear the good word. They included Doctor Dyson, Gwala the Zombie, Carnastas the Clown, Ronnie Slickbottom, and Bennie Hate. They were a sorry set of sinners, and the reverend knew this firsthand, as until recently, he had been their leader! As the Dark Reverend Reynolds, he had lead the Shitlings in service to the demonic Shithead. They had commited terrible acts, but now that the reverend was once more himself, he sought to make amends by leading the Shitlings out of sin!
He delivered a heartfelt sermon about forgiveness, and how, no matter what their sins, they could be forgiven if they come out from their wicked ways! At the end of the sermon, Reynolds asked if any of them had something to say. Carnastas stood up and said he wanted to thank Reynolds for what he’d done for him. Reverend Reynolds had saved his life twice! First, Reynolds had stopped Steve Spurrier from cashing in on his prize after winning the Eaten Alive Match! Carnastas had been locked up directly after the match, but as soon as the Shitwar ended, Spurrier showed up ready to finally barbecue Carnastas and feed him to his football team! Reynolds appeared and stopped it. Carnastas said Reynolds had saved them all as well when the Cowboy was ready to shoot them. Carnastas began to break down in tears, saying he felt that there was no way he could be forgiven for his crimes, however! As a cannibalistic clown, he desired human flesh and blood for food! He had an addiction. Reynolds walked over to him, and told Carnastas he wanted to try something. Reynolds laid his hands on the head of Carnastas and asked if he believed he could be free. Carnastas was doubtful at first, but said that maybe he could be if the reverned helped him! After a few moments, Carnastas felt different. He didn’t have a desire for human flesh anymore! He suddenly wanted only VEGETABLES to eat! Carnastas jumped up and down crazily in celebration! He had been healed of his affliction!
The Pitt Report updates Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights!
All characters, stories, and performances are (C) 2010 Joshua Dyson
No comments:
Post a Comment