Monday, April 25, 2011

Pitt Report--Esteem Building Exercises


Lenny doesn't like Esteem-Building!

New Ink Pitt--Dating Difficulty pt. 5 of 5: “Esteem-Building Exercises”
Elder Brad led Rachel and Lenny into the living room of the house, where other people were gathered for the Mormon tradition of Family Home Meeting. Everyone was dressed up, and Lenny noticed one thing that stood out more than anything else. Out of the 12 or so people in the room, about 8 of them were all women! Now it was Rachel that should have felt jealous, as the lecherous leprechaun reverted to type and began eyeing the women in the room. There were all attractive, and Lenny wondered what could draw such women to a meeting like this. Elder Brad sat in a folding chair in the middle of the living room, and everyone sat around it on the couch and chairs.

Elder Brad welcomed them all to Family Home Meeting and told them that they had a guest. He then let Rachel introduce Lenny to everyone. Lenny reluctantly said “hello” and then crossed his little arms in dislike due to all the stares he was getting. Rachel saw what he was feeling and put her hand on on his, cancelling all his discomfort with her touch. Lenny loved it when Rachel touched him. He wanted to touch her back, but he wanted to do more than hold hands! The leprechaun’s lustful excitement was growing and he ran his hand up Rachel’s arm slowly. Rachel saw it coming though, and quickly put a stop to it as she swatted Lenny’s roving hand! A few people noticed something was up with the two of them, but they seemed to take little thought of it since they were so engrossed in all Elder Brad was saying.

After a prayer and a brief talk about the ways of Mormonism, Elder Brad said they would be doing esteem-building exercises. One person would sit in the middle of the circle where he now was, and everyone around them would give them compliments. Lenny’s eyes grew big in astonishment, and he almost fell off the couch in laughter! Was Elder Brad really serious? These people were really going to give each other compliments? Lenny wondered what kind of lame lifestyle they were living if they actually had to meet up and compliment each other on a weekly basis. Elder Brad said anyone could start. A dark-haired and rather buxom woman (who Lenny had been checking out since he entered the room) got up and said that she would go first. Elder Brad got up and the woman, whose name was Mary, sat down in the chair. Elder Brad directed those around her to take turns in complimenting Mary. The Mormons all gave three positive statements that defined Mary and built her esteem up. Rachel even participated, saying Mary was trustworthy, a good friend, and helpful. Elder Brad asked Lenny if he wanted to take part, and Lenny said he would. He certainly had no problem complimenting the buxom Mary! If only he had censored his words a bit! Lenny looked at Mary carefully and then said she was pretty, a fine lass, and had nice big ti--but before he could finish Rachel shouted, “Lenny!” Lenny then edited his speech and said Mary had a nice smile. Mary and the other Mormons seemed oblivious to what Lenny was going to say, and went on with their esteem-building. Everyone took a turn, including Rachel. Lenny expressed how wonderful he thought she was when it was his turn to talk. He declined to speak about any one else though, and snickered as the Mormons came up with all kinds of positive things to say about each other.

Finally, Elder Brad asked Lenny if he wanted to sit in the circle, and after Rachel begged him to, he did. Before anyone could say anything, Elder Brad sat down in Lenny’s spot on the couch beside Rachel, as he had done with everyone else since there were no more chairs. When Lenny saw this, his anger exploded! Lenny was fed up with this Elder Brad getting close to his woman! Lenny took a flying leap and jumped right onto Elder Brad and began punching him in the face with his little fists!

“Leave me woman be ye basterd!”

When they finally got Lenny off of Brother Brad, he was asked to leave, along with Rachel. What was supposed to have been the best date of all for Rachel and Lenny turned out to be a disaster, with Lenny leaving the worst possible impression on Rachel’s friends. She was crushed, and more uncertain than ever about considering him as her future husband.
 
The Pitt Report updates Mondays
All characters, photos, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson  

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