New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom Players

Originally posted on my first blog, on October 28, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom pt. 2 of 4: “Haunted House of Doom Players

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, stood inside his psychic parlor before a trio of guests. In a line in front of him stood the players he had selected for his Haunted House of Doom! They included truck driver, Wilbur Hydrick, She-Peepers, and Rufus the retard! Nearby stood Trodemus’ bbw girlfriend, Belinda, and his loyal servants, the Potbellied Ninja and Dark Cat. Trodemus smiled at his players. He evidently felt that these three were the finest selection of individuals in all of the New Ink Pitt, perfectly suited for his Haunted House of Doom! The Prophet spoke. “So, Trodemus has gathered you all here because of your unique qualities….qualities that make you very valuable to his Haunted House of Doom! You, Wilbur Hydrick, with your truck-driving career, have most likely seen all kinds of freaks, haven’t you?” Wilbur Hydrick smirked. “Well ah shore have, Doom. Whut’s it to ya?” Trodemus rubbed his hands together greedily. “I want you to use that experience inside my Haunted House of Doom, Wilbur. Use it to become something horrifying!” Wilbur cleared his throat and then passed gas. “Well, ah’m shore ah can be plenty scary! Right now though, ah gots me some scary gas! Ya got a bathroom in this here joint? Ah need to let out more than just air!” Trodemus held his nose and pointed to the back where the bathroom was.


After a few moments of silence, during which the Potbellied Ninja opened a window to clear the stench from the air, Trodemus turned his attention to his second player, She-Peepers. This was the first-ever meeting of the Sanity-Slighted Seductress and the Prophet of Doom. Trodemus stared at her for a few moments, uncertain what she was about. She had sat down on the floor while Trodemus was talking to Wilbur, and was now busy admiring the knife she clutched like a priceless possession. In fact, She was so enamored with the knife, that she seemed to no longer recognize that there was anyone else in the room with her! “Pretty, pretty, pretty, you are my pretty slice…pretty slice..pretty slice…” She chanted the words over and over, addressing the knife as if it were a person! Trodemus spoke. “She-Peepers, your resume is perfect for this. You stalked Mr. Peepers when you first appeared, and made his life a living hell! You even kidnapped him, along with your husband, J-Diddy! Anyone who does that to Trodemus’ arch-enemy is a friend in the Prophet of Doom’s book! Seeing you here in person now though, is what makes me realize that your inclusion in this performance is a must! Welcome, She-Peepers!” She-Peepers looked up and said thank you, then went back to admiring her knife!

Next, Trodemus looked over at Rufus the Retard. “Rufus, a while back, you came into the Prophet of Doom’s psychic parlor, looking for help concerning your mommy and her boyfriend, Lenny the Leprechaun. I was unable to help you, and you did that thing you do. You ran around like the damn retard you are! Rufus looked upset. “Tha na funny!” Trodemus smiled. “It’s all right, Rufus. I am not making fun of you. The Prophet of Doom just wants to say that I appreciate what you do.” Rufus looked puzzled, like he always does. “Whaa?” Trodemus rolled his eyes beneath his cowl. “I appreciate you Rufus, and I want you to use your imagination to do what you do in the Prophet of Doom’s haunted house!” Rufus smiled and clapped his hands. “Uuuuhhh yayyy!! I wike pwetend!” Trodemus turned away and started lauging quietly. “Yes, Rufus, Trodemus knows! That is why he brought you here.” The toilet then flushed. Wilbur walked out of the bathroom and rejoined them. “All right, ya’ll what’d ah miss?” Trodemus turned to face them all once more. “Nothing, Mr. Hydrick. You are just in time to prepare for the first rehearsal! We shall also be discussing the roles you will be playing in the Haunted House of Doom!” Belinda then walked over to Trodemus, dressed in another one her tight outfits that showed off her cleavage! She kissed Trodemus passionately on the lips. Doom smiled bigger than ever! “Now we are ready to begin!”




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