New Ink Pitt--Steps to the Priesthood

Is Rufus ready for the Priesthood?

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 1 of 5: “Steps to the Priesthood”

Brother Brad was dressed up in his white buttoned shirt, black tie and pants. He wore a fancy name tag with the words, “Elder Brad” engraved on it, along with “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” beneath that. Elder Brad had been speaking to those in the priesthood meeting for quite some time, boring Lenny the Leprechaun to death with his talk. So far, he had talked about how every Mormon Man, ages 19-25 had a duty to serve in the priesthood, and that they should be prepared for it.

Elder Brad said that the first step to becoming a Mormon priest was to be worthy of it. Candidates for the priesthood should repent of any sin they might have, and live a good Mormon lifestyle. Apparently, this meant an abandonment of all the things Lenny loved! When Elder Brad said that they must live the law of chasity, Lenny cringed. He knew the no sex thing was going to come up! Rachel said it wasn’t like the Catholic priesthood, but at the moment, Lenny just couldn’t see how. How was joining the Mormon priesthood going to help him marry Rachel if he had to be chaste? Lenny was starting to get upset, and wanted to walk out.

Lenny’s plan to leave was thwarted, however, as Rufus, Rachel’s retarded son, slapped Lenny on the shoulder.

“You memmbah what I-I say! I tell mommee if you bad, and she nevah t-talk to you again!”

Lenny leaned back in his seat. He knew that he had to go along with this, and somehow become a Mormon! It was the only way he and Rachel were ever going to be a family! Yet, if he had to practice chasity, how was being Rachel‘s husband possible? Elder Brad then explained that the missions work of a priest only lasted 24 months. After that, the “priests” could return home and marry the Mormon woman (or women) of their choice! Lenny liked that of course! He loved Rachel, but if his religion said he could have more than one wife, then who was he to argue? Lenny seemed to be under the impression that going out on a mission guaranteed the reward of many wives after!

Elder Brad then snapped back in line, stating more about the rigorous parts of being a Mormon priest! Before becoming a priest, candidates had to be “temple worthy.” Evidently, Mormons had yet ANOTHER meeting place where only the worthy men were allowed to enter. Candidates for priesthood had to be sin free so they could enter, and receive their temple endowment before going on a mission as a priest! Lenny sighed. He was beginning to think this Mormon priest thing was a whole lot of unecessary work!
Elder Brad laid out many more requirements for the priesthood, including the cost and the required trip to Missions Training Center in Utah. He spoke for around 30 minutes longer before finally ending the meeting with a question. He asked if anyone was ready to receive their temple endowment. Rufus jumped up and yelled out.

“I WEADY ELDAH BWAD!”



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