Shit Pitt--Innocent Man

Did Spurrier REALLY steal Snigger?


Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows pt. 3 of 5: “Innocent Man”

Coach Spurrier groaned painfully. A tremendous weight had come down upon him. The Alienated Alien, Optic Ink Eye, had leapt onto his back and driven him to the ground! The alien was very heavy, and Spurrier was just sure his back was broken. This had all happened because Optic Ink Eye and the rebellion had refused to let Spurrier marry the love of his life--the horse Snigger!

The rebellion intended to arrest Spurrier since he had “horsenapped” Snigger away from his owner and their friend, the Rosewood Cowboy. Now, Spurrier wriggled around. He realized he was still in one piece as Optic Ink Eye got off of him. Someone had just yelled “STOP” from the ranch house where the rebellion was living. Spurrier turned to see that it was the Reverend Reynolds!

Spurrier got upset and as Reynolds walked towards him. This was the guy who was truly the source of this whole situation! Reverend Reynolds was the only minister Spurrier could find to “hitch” himself and Snigger, so the Cocky Coach had to play by his rules. The first of those was that Reynolds would only marry them on the Rosewood Cowboy’s farm! The Good Reverend said that he could not leave since his work reforming the shitlings was at a critical stage! So Spurrier agreed and returned.

The Reverend Reynolds walked right up to Spurrier and put out his hand. “Welcome Spurrier!” Spurrier refused to shake his hand.

“What the hell is goin’ on here, Reynolds? Ya told me that ya’d marry me and Snigger with no trouble! I assumed that meant ya’d keep quiet about the weddin’!”

Reynolds sighed. “ Spurrier, I’m sorry, but the Good Reverend Reynolds cannot tell a lie! Johnny Pizzazz wanted to know what was going on and I told him the truth. They don’t like what you’ve done!”

“No shit!” Spurrier looked around at the Rebellion members still standing there, ready to take him in. “Ya’ll can sho as hell try, but ya ain’t takin’ me alive!”

Reynolds put a hand on Spurrier’s shoulder. “Spurrier, there is no need for that. For they cannot stop this wedding, and they cannot rightfully lock up…AN INNOCENT MAN!”

Pizzazz questioned this, and Reynolds explained that if Spurrier had truly “horsenapped” Snigger, then he would have caught him and taken the horse against his will! Since Spurrier was able to ride on his back, and the horse seemed to be assisting the Cocky Coach in their flight, there was no crime. Spurrier had merely met up with a friend and went on a long country ride! Reynolds laid it on thick, using his charisma to sway the rebellion towards his point of view. He did have a valid point. Snigger seemed to enjoy Spurrier riding on his back, and did not seem like he had been mistreated at any point during this experience. In the end, the rebellion had to back off, despite their objections. Spurrier got excited and gloated.

“I tol’ ya’ll…I’m gon’marry that horse, and their ain’t a damn thing ya’ll can do about it!”



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are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
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