New Ink Pitt--Readiness of Rufus

Rufus IS ready for the priesthood!

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 2 of 5: “Readiness of Rufus”

It was time. The boy had grown into a man. Rufus the retard was ready--ready to become a MORMON PRIEST! He sat at the dining room table back at Rachel’s house, blabbering on about it between stuffing his face with mouthfuls of chocolate brownies.

“Mommee I weady! I tell Eldah Bwad when h-he ask! I weady to go go go b-because I ole enough!”

Rachel turned from doing the dishes in the sink to face her son.

“I know, Rufus. You’ve reached the age of 19, and are old enough to do the required work of a Mormon man by becoming a missionary!”

“Yes Mommee! I so e-excitedIthinkIpee!”

“What did you say?” Rachel looked closely at her son. Rufus held his head down.
“I sowwy Mommee…I g-get too excited and I pee!”

Rachel frowned. “RUFUS MICAH SMITH! Just when I think you’re going to finally grow up, you let Mommy down!”

Rufus jumped out of his chair and ran over to Rachel, getting down on his knees and grabbing her leg. “I sowwy, I sowwy Mommee! I be good an no pee no more…I pwomise!”

“It’s ok. Just remember what Mommy told you.”
“Y-yes…when I h-haveta pee…go stand up in fwont of towet bow and hold pee pee! I do it! I do it fwom now on!”

“Good boy. Mommy wanted to tell you that you were a really good boy in the meetings today, and because of it, Mommy is going to reward you with chocolate bars!”

Rufus jumped up and grabbed his head in excitement. “Weally? I gw-gwet chwocowate baws? B-but I t-tout you say they is…bad, bad, bad? They has c-caffeine in them!”

Rachel smiled. “Yes Rufus, chocolate bars do have caffeine, which makes it a sin for you to continue eating them…after tonight! This is your LAST night though, Rufus! You can’t be temple worthy if you eat any more, okay?”

“I-I understand, Mommee! I not pee and I not eat no mo chwocowate baws!”

“Good! Ok, in few days, you will go to the temple to get your endowment. After that, you’ll be going to the Missions Training Center in Utah to begin your education. You‘ll be away from Mommy a long time, and Mommy will miss you!”

“I miss you too Mommee!” Rufus hugged his mommee tightly. “I n-not wanna go!”

“Rufus, you know that you must do the work of a good Mormon man! Mommy has been saving for your mission for a long time, and if you go, it will make Mommy very, very happy!”

Rachel began to cry. “I know you will make Mommy proud!” Rachel then let go of her son and sat down on the other side of the dining room table. “Rufus, I don’t want you to be alone, so I talked with Elder Brad. I asked him about Lenny. He needs to learn as much as possible about Mormonism, so I got Elder Brad to approve something. I got him to agree to let Lenny go with you!

Rufus frowned. “WHAAA?”



Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.