Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--Habitat for Humphrey

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 9 of 12:  “Habitat for Humphrey” 
Will Humphrey build a home?
“Humphrey, you need a home!”  Johnny Pizzazz smiled down at the hobo, who was still lying in the alley next to a trash can.

“A home? This home!”  Humphrey pointed all around to show that the alley was his home.

“But Humphrey, with this hammer, you can do something magical!  You can build yourself a better home, with four walls around you!”

“Pfft.” Humphrey scoffed.  “Home’s right here!  I’sa got everything I needs! Now go ’way, Johnny Pizzazz!”

Pizzazz knew it was going to be difficult to motivate the hobo into action again, so it was time to take drastic measures!  He took out his trusty microphone and placed it near his lips.  He then tilted his head back to say these words…

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time once again for…the Catalyst of Character, the Mage of the Age, the Maestro of Magic….JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!!!!”  Pizzazz then shot sparks from his wand, which caused Humphrey to stir.

“Whose you talkin’ to, man?”  Humphrey looked around from where he lay, to see if anyone else was there.

“Humphrey…Johnny Pizzazz is here…to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  It begins with your new home!”  Pizzazz then used his wand to project an image of a huge house.  “THIS…could be YOUR house, Humphrey!  You could live here!”

Humphrey took one look and curled back up on the ground to continue his nap.  Pizzazz was frustrated, and slapped his wand on the trash can near Humphrey.  Sparks flew out and shocked Humphrey slightly!  The hobo jumped up and ran further into the alley.

“Listen here, Hobo!  You’re going to get up and build yourself a home, or Johnny Pizzazz is going to unleash all his magic against you!  Lift yourself up out of poverty, man…or else!!!”

NEXT:  BIRDY ATTACK ATTACK
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
  • GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--Training Birdy

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 8 of 12:  “Training Birdy” 
Can Trodemus train Birdy?
Teledeception, for lack of a better term, literally means the projection of a deception.  It is one of Trodemus’ greatest powers, as he has used it successfully in the past to defeat his enemies.  Trodemus had always used teledeception as a weapon until now.  With Birdy Nok Nok, he was using teledeception to create a weapon!

“Birdman!  The angry faces you see are your enemies!  They laugh at you…and call you names!  Your greatest enemy of all is the one with the tall red hat that carries a microphone!”

Birdy squawked as the images of the faces projected into his mind by Trodemus were joined by the face of Johnny Pizzazz!

“Squawk indeed!  His name is Johnny Pizzazz, and he wants to hurt you!  He is a loudmouth that goes around playing tricks on people, especially birdmen like you!”

Birdy seemed to understand as he squawked repeatedly and swiveled his head all around while flapping his wings crazily!

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom smiled.  Teledeception was working!  “Pizzazz is off somewhere, training a protégé of his own to come and attack us!  We must prepare for them, as they could arrive at anytime!”

Birdy was getting all worked up as he continued flapping and squawking.  That is when Trodemus turned things up a bit by making the image look as if it really was Pizzazz and the angry faces in person.  He had the image appear to be coming at Birdy.

“He’s here! Pizzazz is here!  Don’t let him get you Birdy!”

The Birdman flapped and thrust his beak forward, penetrating the air.  Trodemus stood a ways off and watched his new weapon at work…

NEXT:  HIDEAWAY FOR HUMPHREY
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 19, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
  • GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
Newsletter Versions
 
 


All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--Humphrey Makes an Idit

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 7 of 12:  “Humphrey Makes an Idit” 
Humphrey with his IDIT!
Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo frowned.  He really did not want anything to do with the hammer Johnny Pizzazz was trying to give him.

“Take it.  Standing up was the first step.  Taking this hammer is the second.  With this tool, you can work yourself out of poverty.”  Pizzazz flashed a smile that quickly faded as Humphrey began to howl in anguish.

“What’s wrong?!?”  Pizzazz asked.

Humphrey stopped howling and put his hands over his ears.  “NO! NO! NO! I dinnit hear dat!  Not the “w” word!”

Pizzazz smirked.  “You mean, WORK?”

Humphrey howled once more.  “YES! Dat word!!  I don like that word!  Don make me do it, Johnee Pizzazz!  Just lee me ‘lone man!”

Pizzazz then sat down with Humphrey in the alley, and gave him a 30-minute explanation on why work is not a bad thing, and why the hammer was a great tool to start with.  He impressed Humphrey with the creativity of construction, and sparked a bit of inspiration within the hobo.  After this, and the promise of some magic tricks by Pizzazz, Humphrey finally took the hammer.  Pizzazz then presented him with a bag of nails--which frightened Humphrey at first due to their sharpness--and some pieces of wood to practice on.  He showed the hobo how to hammer a nail, and then left him alone to build something on his own.

An hour later, Pizzazz returned to see what Humphrey had built.  The hobo presented a strange construction of 3 boards nailed together.

“What is it, Humphrey?”
“It’s an IDIT!”
“A what?”
“An IDIT!”
“What’s an idit?”
“This is!”  Humphrey looked frustrated.
“Oh.  Well what does it do?”  Pizzazz looked frustrated as well.
“Huh?”
“It has to do something in order to be useful.”

Humphrey was getting upset.  “It not have to be useful!  You say be creative!  I be creative, and now I tired!  I gon go to sleep with my idit!”  He swung the attached boards around a few times to show that the construction did in fact move, just to show Pizzazz the idit did have at least one nice quality.  He then lay down by his trash can again, passed gas, and then proceeded to go to sleep.

Pizzazz sighed.  He’d hoped for more, but he realized that it was only Humphrey’s first experience with a hammer, wood, and nails.  He decided to make Humphrey’s next lesson in carpentry a more challenging one, in order to inspire him to do better.

Nearby, invisible to Pizzazz and Humphrey was the godlike Mr. Peepers.  He was somewhat fascinated because Humphrey had done something constructive.  Maybe Pizzazz could turn the hobo around after all!

NEXT:  TRAINING BIRDY
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2014
THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
  • GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
Newsletter Versions
 
 


All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental