Shit Pitt--Sweater's Save

Shit Pitt--Child Castaways pt. 1 of 6:  “Sweater's Save”

Clementine meets Monica on the Island of Tutulia!

 

“YARRRRRR!!”  Terrance the Pirate growled with fury as he pushed the point of his sword blade into the back of storyteller, Percy Clementine.  Clementine was forced to walk the plank from Terrance’s ship to what was to be his watery grave below.  He stood precariously on the end of the plank with his arms bound by a heavy rope.  Another poke of the sword later, and Clementine fell to ocean water below.  Clementine’s screams rose up, until he finally sank into the water.  After a few minutes of silence, Terrance the pirate was satisfied, and sailed away.

Clementine sank downwards under the water.  He attempted to hold his breath, but he knew at some point he would run out of air.  When he could not hold it anymore and he succumbed to the water, he felt his consciousness fade as visions of happier times came to mind.  If this was to be his end, at least he'd die happy in his thoughts.  Clementine then blacked out.  The blue-green water of the ocean swirled around his dark blue sweater.  Suddenly, something stirred the water around Clementine's body.  The sweater began to change from blue to a dark red hue.  Energy began to emanate from it, and it burned through the ropes that held Clementine.  It then propelled him upwards and out of the water!  Energy from the sweater then pushed Clementine towards a nearby island where he washed on shore, still unconscious.  Clementine's sweater then returned to its normal dark-blue color and appeared to be wet from the ocean.

A young dark-skinned woman who was dressed like a native found Clementine.  She ran up to him, and realizing his predicament, quickly gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!  Clementine coughed up water and vomited a few moments later, as he awoke to see the beautiful woman before him.  After regaining himself, Clementine questioned the woman.

"W-where am I?  H-how'd I get out of the water?"
The woman responded.  "You're on the island of Tutuila, and you washed up on shore.  I gave you mouth-to-mouth and saved you!"

Clementine smiled.  "Thank you.  I thought I was gone for sure!  What's your name?  Wait...how did you know how to save me?  I mean you're dressed like a..."

"A savage?"  The woman laughed.  "I am a native of Tutuila, but I'm no savage!  My name is Monica, and you've stumbled onto the set of a movie!"

Clementine looked embarrassed.  "Oh...I'm sorry.  I misjudged you.  It's just with that outfit and all you...well..." Clementine looked the woman over for the first time.  Her tanned brown body and Samoan features were very beautiful and Clementine felt a bit intimidated.

Monica smirked.  "It's okay.  I get that from men all the time!  Let me help you up, and I'll take you to the director.  I'm the lead actress in Child Castaways."

NEXT:  CLEMENTINE CAST

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--The Library

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 6 of 6:  “The Library”

Potbellied Ninja & the Library

Ghosts!  The Psychic Parlor of Doom was filled with ghosts!  Resembling the original white-sheeted ghost that had been haunting Trodemus, the ghosts darted randomly around the lobby.  Trodemus walked in, followed by Belinda and the camera crew.

“Why have you specters invaded the Psychic Parlor of Doom?  Do you seek to destroy the remaining profits of Doom?”  When there was no answer, Trodemus prepared to make his way through the ghosts to his office to check his fireproof safe.

“Master!  Wait!”  It was the Potbellied Ninja, servant of Doom.  He walked down the staircase from upstairs, holding a large book.  Out of the book flew more ghosts!

“Ninja!  What are you doing?”

“Master, it this book!  It cause of everything!”  The Potbellied Ninja stretched forward to hand the book to Trodemus, and some Twinkies fell out of his martial arts outfit.

“What are you talking about?  What is this book and why is it releasing ghosts into the psychic parlor?”

Potbellied Ninja held the book closer to Trodemus, who was reluctant to take it.  “This book, or rather, a spell in it, cause your problems!”  Several more ghosts flew out once he finished his sentence.  He then closed the book, and all the ghosts disappeared!  Ninja smiled.  “See?”

Trodemus knows nothing of any spell book!  He has nothing of the sort!  The Prophet of Doom has no need of magic, as his powers are from within!  Where did you get it? Certainly not in the Psychic Parlor!”

Potbellied Ninja frowned.  “But, Master!  I find it in the library!”

Trodemus looked stunned.  “What library?  The Psychic Parlor of Doom has no library! There is no money in clients wandering around and reading books for free!”

Potbellied Ninja signalled for Trodemus, Belinda, and the camera crew to follow him upstairs.  The Ninja led them down the hall past Trodemus’ and Belinda’s room.

“Bah!  Where is this library? There is nothing here but a wall!”  The Potbellied Ninja then went over and tapped the middle of the wall three times.  There was a bright flash of light that caused everyone to shield their eyes.  When it was over, they looked to see a doorway in the middle of the wall!  Through the doorway was a huge library filled with books!

“Here is library, Master!”

“How is this possible?  There are no secrets the Psychic Parlor of Doom holds that Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, does no know!”

Belinda put her hand on Trodemus’ shoulder.  There was a look of concern on her face.  “Troddie, that’s not entirely true.  The Ninja and I have something to tell you…”

NEXT:  SWEATER OF SHIT
WEDNESDAY, JULY 30, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Bingo Hall Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 5 of 6:  “Bingo Hall Investigation”

Blacktoes & Sunny Big Breasts

 

Trodemus, Belinda, and the camera crew for TRODEMUS: SEEKER OF SPECTERS entered Chief Blacktoes’ bingo hall,  located within the same townhouse-style duplex as the Psychic Parlor of Doom.  Bright lights and all sorts of mechanical sounds bombarded their senses.  A look around revealed that the bingo hall had become a full-blown Las Vegas-style casino!  There were 3 walls of slot machines surrounding several tables for blackjack, craps, and roulette.  In the back, barely visible behind all the bright light, was Blacktoes’ wife, Sunny Big Breasts, pole dancing for some happy customers!

BELINDA--TRODEMUS’ ASSISTANT AND GIRLFRIEND
“My Troddie is all mad because he thinks Blacktoes had something to do with the haunting, but all I wanna do is go play the slots!”

“Bah!  Blacktoes has improved his business!  He finally learned that senior citizen Bingo night doesn’t pay the bills!  Yet, all this costs much to acquire.   Is it somehow at the expense of Trodemus?  Where is Blacktoes?  I demand to see him, now!!”

Trodemus was met by some vest-wearing bouncers who threatened to throw him out if he continued to demand things.  Before things could escalate, Blacktoes came from the back to greet Trodemus.  On his arm was his half-dressed stripper wife, Sunny Big Breasts!

“Trodemus!  Welcome to Chief Blacktoes’ Casino!  Are you here to try your fortune?”

Trodemus frowned.  “Try my fortune?’ I’m a fortune TELLER!  I don’t have to TRY at all!  I have seen the future, and I know what is to come!  What I didn’t see however, is the YOU are the cause of this “haunting” of Doom!

Blacktoes looked puzzled.   “Trodemus.  Of what do you speak?  I know nothing of this “haunting.”  The Indian spirits of my ancestors are at rest.  There is nothing supernatural here…unless you caused it!”

“Bah!  The Seeker of Specters demands that you admit the truth…that you are the one behind the “ghost” and the moving objects!  Confess that you wish to see the profits of Doom shrivel and fade so that you can add the psychic parlor to your casino!”

“Yeah!  Admit it, Blacktoes!”  Belinda stood next to Trodemus, with her hands on her hips and her breasts shoved forward beneath the prison of her tight corset.  “And who are you looking at, Pocahontas?”  Belinda cut her eyes at Sunny.

“Belinda, Trodemus, what my husband says is true.”  Sunny covered the bra and panties she was wearing with a blanket.  “We’ve been here at the casino ever since our return from Peepers’ Whitespace, working on our business.  Surely you’ve seen the constant traffic of customers to the casino?”

“Bah!  Trodemus does not believe it!  The Seeker of Specters thinks this casino would be the perfect front to hide the evidence of your manufactured ‘haunting!’  So tell us, Blacktoes, where did you hide your ghost?”

Suddenly, the casino went dark as the slot machines stopped working and the lights went out.  Trodemus asked Blacktoes if he forgot to pay the power bill.  Before he could answer, the white-sheeted ghost appeared in the air above them, visible to all!  The camera crew tried to film it, but it quickly darted away towards the door!  Trodemus and company ran outside after it, and saw it on the doorstep of the Psychic Parlor of Doom!  They chased it inside, but upon entering, they beheld a frightening sight!  The lobby of the Psychic Parlor of Doom was now filled with not one, but DOZENS of ghosts!

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 6--The Library
WEDNESDAY, JULY 23, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Return to the Haunted House of Doom

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 4 of 6:  “Return to the Haunted House of Doom”

DEATH returns!

 
After the $100 bill burst into flames, Trodemus was distraught.  For the first time, he truly believed that the haunting could cause his business to fail!  Money catching fire was not a game, and Trodemus placed all the money he had in his psychic parlor in a fireproof safe.  He kept one $100 bill in his cloak to test at another former site of paranormal activity--the Haunted House of Doom!

Trodemus realized that the warnings of his business failing from his dream, the appearance of “Death,” and the message on the bathroom mirror all lined up with what the other paranormal events were targeting--his profits and the things he had bought with them.  While the particular wine glass that flew across the restaurant had not been purchased by Trodemus, their meal had been, and it seemed that was the target.  Trodemus also discovered the vibrator had been purchased secretly by Belinda, but with money he gave her from his profits.

Of all the profits and purchases so far, the Haunted House of Doom was the biggest, and had gathered the largest amount of paranormal activity during its run.  Perhaps it was the true nexus of this haunting of Doom!  Since the paranormal activity increased in intensity when greater profits of Doom were offered up, Trodemus felt that raising the $100 bill inside the Haunted House of Doom would either cause a cataclysmic destruction of his profits, or disprove any supernatural haunting of his finances.

The Haunted House of Doom was an old abandoned home that Trodemus had rented for a few weeks with his Psychic Parlor profits.  He had spent more money on it than anything else in his business (since they were given the Psychic Parlor rent-free, courtesy of Stardust), but he had made even more off of it as the Haunted House of Doom!  Trodemus walked through the front door, and was followed by Belinda, the Potbellied Ninja, and the camera crew for SEEKER OF SPECTRES.

BELINDA--TRODEMUS’ ASSISTANT AND GIRLFRIEND

“So we returned to the old Haunted House of Doom to check it out.  Luckily, the landlord had no current tenants, so we had free access to the place.”

TRODEMUS--SEEKER OF SPECTERS

“Yes, I will continue to hold this $100 bill up as we make our way through the house.  The Seeker of Specters knows what he is doing!”

The group made their way through the entire house with no occurrences, and the EMF meter was unable to pick up anything.  Finally, they reached the back door of the house, where Trodemus had first encountered the ghost…and DEATH!  They had appeared before Trodemus on the last night of the Haunted House of Doom, and Death warned Doom that his business would indeed fail.  Trodemus walked out the back door, then turned to look back at the house.  Suddenly, the $100 bill he held in his hand withered away and became dust!  Then a dark mist rose between Trodemus and the house and grew until Belinda, the Potbellied Ninja, and the camera crew was completely obscured from view.  Out of the dark mist came…DEATH!

“Bah!  Death! The Prophet of Doom knows you are the cause of all this!  What other entity would have such motivation to bring my livelihood to ruin?”

Death spoke in a gravelly voice.  “Trodemus.  I do not cause the ruination of your business!  I am simply here to direct you.  The Haunted House of Doom is not the source of the haunting.  It lies closer to home.  You must look at those who would stand to gain from your loss, and read things, line for line!”

“Death, you speak in riddles!  Trodemus demands to know what you mean!”

Death then turned, and faded away with the dark mist, leaving Trodemus with more questions.  What did Death mean?  Who would stand to gain from the loss of his business?  Then, Trodemus had an epiphany!  He ran back into the Haunted House of Doom.

“Troddie, what’s wrong?”

Trodemus frowned.  “Belinda, we have to go!  Everyone! Back to the Psychic Parlor of Doom at once!  I have discovered just who is the cause of all this!  Chief Blacktoes is about to get some visitors!”

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 5-- Bingo Parlor Investigation
WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Restaurant Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 3 of 6:  “Restaurant Investigation” 

Trodemus uses a Trigger Object!

Trodemus, Belinda, and the camera crew walked into the restaurant.  It was the same restaurant Trodemus and Belinda had eaten at on the night they saw a wine glass fly across the room and smash against the wall.  That incident had been the first supernatural occurrence in the “Haunting of Doom.”  This fact now prompted Trodemus to believe that the restaurant was the origin site for the haunting, and it needed thorough investigation.

The wine glass incident was similar to the action of the vibrator in the bathroom.  After the vibrator fell to the floor, Trodemus checked the bathroom for signs of paranormal activity.  When nothing turned up, Trodemus remembered the wine glass in the restaurant, and made plans to go there for the investigation.

It was after hours, and the restaurant was closed.  Trodemus had contacted the restaurant owner about his new reality show, TRODEMUS, SEEKER OF SPECTERS, and he had granted them permission to film there.  Since the ghost seemed to have an affinity for objects, Trodemus decided to use a different device from the EMF meter to detect it.  It was what paranormal investigators call a trigger object, which is any inanimate object that is used to spur interaction with ghosts.  Trigger objects are usually items that the particular ghost has an attachment to.  Since the ghost seemed to be attacking Trodemus’ business, he placed several of his business cards on a guest table in the hopes that it would interact with them in some way.

“Now, Ghost!  Trodemus, Seeker of Specters commands your attention!  He has placed these business cards for Trodemus’ Psychic Parlor of Doom before you!  If it is your purpose to harm the Prophet of Doom’s business, then MOVE these cards from the table!”

Belinda was behind him near the kitchen area.  She found a menu and began to read it, excited about all the fancy food the restaurant had added since her last visit.  One of the camera men began to film her, as she once again had a low-cut, tight top on.  She was later interviewed in reality show fashion, about her thoughts on Trodemus’ attempts at finding the ghost in the restaurant up to that point.   When the show was finished, the bottom of the screen (below Belinda) would read:

BELINDA--TRODEMUS’ ASSISTANT AND GIRLFRIEND

“What do I think about Troddie being unable to contact the ghost here so far?  I dunno I’m hungry!  Have you SEEN the new food on this menu?!?”

“Maybe the ghost is shy or something?  If we’d come here during regular business hours, it might be more willing to interact, and I could place an order!”

Trodemus frowned.  “Bah!  Why does the ghost not move the business cards?  Is it because they were a tax write-off?  The Seeker of Specters has no time for this!”

“Give it some money, Troddie!  Everybody likes money!”  Belinda smirked over at her man from the menu she was reading.

Trodemus smiled back at Belinda, and thought to himself that pulling out some cash for use as a trigger object wasn’t a bad idea!  He reached into his cloak and pulled out a $100 bill!

“Ghost! See the Profit of D--” Trodemus was cut off mid-sentence as the $100 bill suddenly BURST INTO FLAMES!

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 4-- 
Return to the Haunted House of Doom 
WEDNESDAY, JULY 9, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental