New Ink Pitt--King Trostelus Questioned

New Ink Pitt--Assassination Attempt pt. 7 of 12:  “King Trostelus Questioned”

KING TROSTELUS!

Having interrogated everyone except Billy “Gay” Hydrick and the Manly Man Gaymerica himself about the assassination attempt, Officer Bates decided to begin questioning of persons who had come in contact with the Presidential Princess in the last six months or so.  First on the list was King Trostelus, who was supposedly running against Gaymerica for leadership of the New Ink Pitt.  Ultimately, King Trostelus decided to go his own way and start a new kingdom separate from the Manly Man’s gay democracy.  He had threatened to eventually take over and conquer the Manly Man’s government.  Bates knew that Trostelus had a huge motive for getting someone to shoot Gaymerica in the arm.  So the King sat in the interrogation room, with his crowned head held high and a smug look on his face.  He looked over at Bates.  “Bates, just what is the meaning of this?”  Bates looked over at Trostelus.  “Trostelus, I know you and I go way back.  I was in your employ for some time back in the old Ink Pitt.”  Trostelus huffed.  “KING Trostelus to you!  I just got back from a strange stay in another universe with Mr. Peepers.  I‘m not really happy right now!  You can at least give me the respect due.”  Bates sighed.  “King Trostelus, then.  We have history, and I respect that, but you know how I respect the law even more.  If I didn’t, I would have never brought you down here for questioning.  I need to know whether you hired someone to shoot at Gaymerica!  You, of all people, have the means and the motive.”  King Trostelus glared at Bates.  “Bates, you know that I am a king, and something of that nature is beneath me!”  Officer Bates just shook his head.  “Oh no, King Trostelus, I know that something like this is not beneath you.  You love power, and will stop anyone who tries to assert themselves over you.  I’ve seen it in the past.  You weren’t too happy when Peepers became King for a time.  It nearly drove you crazy to lose your power.”  King Trostelus folded his arms.  “How much do you want?  I know you love the law, but I also know you cannot hold me here, and that it‘s really all about money.”  Bates smiled.  “Let’s see.  How about $5,000 plus a share in any businesses you make money off of in the future?”  King Trostelus smiled back.  “Done.”  The two shook hands, and the King was then allowed to leave.  Before he left, he admitted that there was no way he would shoot Manly Man.  It was not like him to use stealth to conquer someone.  He would merely assemble an army, and overtake Gaymerica and ALL his people at once.  Trostelus mentioned Screenface.  Screenface had also been wanting to take over the New Ink Pitt, and Trostelus felt that the assassination attempt was more his modus operandi.    

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT: SEARCH FOR SCREENFACE
WEDNESDAY APRIL 1, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!

Also available for purchase: the Peeper #5 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for Februrary 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to Hooters & a 10th Anniversary Mr. Peepers poster!

New Ink Pitt--AmbASSadors Questioned

New Ink Pitt--Assassination Attempt pt. 6 of 12:  “AmbASSadors Questioned”

The AmbASSadors!

With the interrogation  of the Manly Man Gaymerica’s Closet (consisting of Just A Solider, Cracky, and the French Phallus) now over, Officer Bates turned his attention to the so-called AmbASSadors.  The AmbASSadors are basically four other versions of the Manly Man Gaymerica, only each wears a different color and represents a different aspect of the Manly Man’s gayness.  The only explanation given for all these versions of the Manly Man is that somehow the Manly Man’s time in the original Whitespace created them.  All of them were the Manly Man, but none of them seemed to be the original Manly Man that existed in the original Ink Pitt.  Officer Bates felt something wasn’t right with them.  What were they?  Were they clones of Manly Man?  That sounded a whole lot more plausible than them being alternate reality versions of him.  Bates dismissed these explanations in favor of a more realistic one--these “Manly Men” had to be a bunch of fakes.  They had to be some guys who decided to dress up like their idol, the Man Princess, Manly Man.

Bates remembered that Manly Man owned his own gym, and thought that perhaps these guys were some of the members.  Bates laughed at that--Manly Man’s “Members!”  So in order to prove that they were not the Manly Man, or at least prove they were not the same guy, Bates had them all fingerprinted.  He also had dna extracted, hair samples taken, and used just about every other means of identification at his disposal to prove their differences.  The results were conclusive, but they only served to prove the impossible.  The AmbASSadors were all the same man, in ever single way!  From the dna on up to their body type and overall appearance, these four Manly Men were all the same!  How this was possible baffled Officer Bates.  He had no dna from the original Manly Man, so there was nothing to compare his findings to, but the fact that there were four men who looked exactly the same with the same fingerprints and the same dna should have been impossible!  Even if they were somehow an identical foursome similar to twins, it should still be impossible!  No two people on earth were exactly the same.  There are always differences!  However, the AmbASSadors seemed to be the exception to that rule.

Bates’ head was hurting from all the extra effort he had to put forth to find out about the AmbASSadors, and realized that what they were didn’t matter.  What mattered was who shot the other Manly Man in the arm.  He decided to interrogate them finally.  He lined up Manly Man Midnight, Manly Man Yellow, Manly Man Safari, and Manly Man Brown in the interrogation room.  Bates asked where they were when Gaymerica was shot.  All replied that they were on stage with Manly Man, which surveillance cameras confirmed.  Bates then asked if they were jealous of Gaymerica’s success, and if one of them wanted to be in that position.  Manly Man Midnight leaned forward and said, “Officer Bates…I would like to be in that position.”  Bates head turned with accusing acuity.  He just knew that Midnight was about to crack.  “You would, huh?”  Midnight, who spoke as the original Manly Man, only with a deeper voice, which matched the deepness of his dark skin. “Yes sir I admit it.  I would like to be in that position…with you!!”  Bates backed off quickly.  “What the hell?!?  Get away from me you fag!  I should lock you up for that!” Midnight snickered.  “But I really do want to be on top of you!”  Bates snarled.  “Shut up! Just shut up!  I’m going to talk to the Yellow fag here.”  Bates walked over to Manly Man Yellow.  What about you, Sunny D?  I bet you were planning to shoot Gaymerica weren’t you?  You probably hired a hitman to do it, didn’t you?  Manly Man Yellow just looked around.  “Um, no sir!  I could never do something like that, Mr. Bates!  I just love everybody!  I’m just like the sunshine--bright, happy, and beautiful!  Manly Man Yellow leaned forward and whispered in Bates’ ear.  “You know what else I am?  I’m also GAY!”  Bates put his hand up and shoved Yellow away.  “Damn!  Get away from me!”  Bates looked over at Manly Man Brown and Safari, only Safari was missing. “Hey where’d Zebraface go?”  Bates then felt something touch him in the butt!  He lept forward, letting out a shout!  “What the hell?!?”  Bates looked back to see Manly Man Safari down on all fours.  He had been sniffing Bate’s butt!  Bates got really upset, and motioned for some other officer to come in.  “That’s it!  You’re all going to a holding cell until we can sort this mess out!  Bunch ‘a fags!!”

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT: KING TROSTELUS QUESTIONED
WEDNESDAY MARCH 25, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!

Also available for purchase: the Peeper #5 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for Februrary 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to Hooters & a 10th Anniversary Mr. Peepers poster!

New Ink Pitt--French Phallus Questioned

New Ink Pitt--Assassination Attempt pt. 5 of 12:  “French Phallus Questioned”

The French Phallus!

After what happened last time in the Manly Man Gaymerica’s hospital room, Officer Rick Bates refused to let any more suspects escape.  Cracky, the Crack-Carrying Chicken, had gotten his feathers ruffled and flew out the window to freedom before the interrogation got to be too much for him.  Bates took the rest of the suspects, with the exception of Gaymerica and his First Man, Billy “Gay” Hydrick, down to the station to continue the interrogation.  Someone tried to kill Gaymerica, or was working to make it look that way.  Bates was going to find out what was going on, and who was responsible!  Next up for questioning was the French Phallus, the last of the Presidential “Closet.”  Bates eyed the big penis suspiciously, wondering how the hell something like him could even exist without being attached to a body of some kind.  The French Phallus was basically a giant, 3-foot high penis with 2 feet of legs.  It stood erect at all times, and  a face sat on the underneath side, right above the basketball-sized balls!  Officer Bates was pretty sure it spoke French, or at least in a French accent, but that didn’t matter now.  Bates stared a moment more and said, “My dick and balls stay hidden in pants when I’m out in public!  Taking them out is indecent exposure!  So, since you’re all “out there” like that, I really don’t have to question you at all.  You’re already guilty of a crime!  Take him away, men!”  With that, two officers came over and cuffed the Phallus’ wrists, which were attached to two arms that sprouted out of each side of the “penis.”   The Phallus began to protest, first in English, but as he became more distressed, it gave way to true French!  “Damn foreigners,” Bates snapped. 

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT: AmbASSadors QUESTIONED
WEDNESDAY MARCH 18, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!

Also available for purchase: the Peeper #5 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for Februrary 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to Hooters & a 10th Anniversary Mr. Peepers poster!

New Ink Pitt--Interrogating Cracky

New Ink Pitt- Assassination Attempt pt. 4 of 12:  Interrogating Cracky

Cracky, the Cracked-Out Chicken!

 Officer Bates walked back into the Manly Man Gaymerica’s hospital room.  Bates had just finished talking with the other two officers who removed Just A Soldier for further questioning in the presence of a psychiatrist.  Bates looked around the room at the AmbASSadors (the four other versions of Manly Man Gaymerica) and the remaining members of Gaymerica’s Closet (Cracky and the French Phallus) and cracked a smile.  “Well…that damn nut is outta here!  So who’s next?  Someone here knows about what went down.  One of you know who shot the Fairy Princes over there, and I’m going to keep interrogatin’ you all, until one of you CRACKS!!”  Bates then focused his attention exclusively on the Closet.  “Speaking of crack, I know for a fact that one of you is into some heavy illegal activity.  French Phallus, I suspect that you’ve been prostitutin’ yourself out to Gaymerica here, but I go no proof you do it on the street, so you’re off the hook!  Will question you later though!  It’s you, Cracky, that I want to talk to right now!”  Officer Bates squatted down so that he was eye-to-eye with Cracky, the Cracked-Out Chicken!  “Cracky, I’ve heard about your dealings in the illegal drug trade!  I also know your history with Coach Steve, which doesn’t help your reputation!  So, since you’re already into breakin’ the law, it’s not much of a stretch for you to attempt assassinate someone!  So Cracky, why did you do it? Why did you shoot at your buddy Gaymerica here?”  Cracky began jumping up and down, and making crowing sounds.  He flapped his wings in what looked like a protest.  Officer Bates backed up cautiously, unsure what the cracked-out chicken was going to do.  Cracky continued.  Bates just listened, gritting his teeth in displeasure.  Whatever Cracky was saying, it wasn’t to Bates’ liking. Finally, Cracky ceased his clucking and crowing.  Bates then shook his head and furrowed his brow in anger.  “Mister, you just threatened a police officer!  You got no right cursing at me!  I didn’t have enough evidence to haul you in before, but I do now!” Bates motioned to two more officers who were standing outside.  “Cracky, you’re going downtown too!”  Cracky jumped around in protest again.  The Officers went to cuff him, but there was no way the cuffs were going to fit on the small chicken.  Cracky quickly turned and leapt across Gaymerica’s bed and out the window!  He floated on purple wings down to the ground below.  “Damn it!  Catch that chicken, boys!  He’s a damn fugitive now!”  The officers ran down the hall in hot pursuit.

*To see the events leading up to this story, check the Classic Pitt Report blog at http://classicpittreport.blogspot.com

NEXT: FRENCH PHALLUS QUESTIONED
WEDNESDAY MARCH 11, 2015

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2015 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

NOW CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF THE MR. PEEPERS CHARACTER!!

Purchase Mr. Peepers and the Peepspace Season 1!  
Collects all 24 pages of the Season 1 comic strip
First appearance of the comic strip version of Mr. Peepers!

Also available for purchase: the Peeper #5 for only 50 cents!
All-new issue of the comedy newsletter for Februrary 2015
Features Mr. Peepers' trip to Hooters & a 10th Anniversary Mr. Peepers poster!