Monday, October 28, 2013

Peepers' Pitt--The Challengers

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 9 of 10:  “The Challengers”
Peepers chooses the EMT Man for the challenge!

Mr. Peepers materialized in his Peepers Pitt once more, after his visit to Hands of Time in the Shit Pitt and Stardust in the New Ink Pitt.  Now that he had set the Perfect Pitt Challenge in motion, he had to act fast to pick the best representative from his pitt to do battle with those from the other two pitts.  Peepers knew exactly who he wanted for the job though.  The EMT Man would be perfect!

Peepers laughed to himself as he floated across the desert where he’d placed Charlie Decaye and the EMT Man.  The EMT man was perfect for the Perfect Pitt Challenge because he was truly insane!  Peepers, in his godlike state, could not figure him out, so how would any opponents have a chance?  The EMT man was pure unpredictability and madness, which had been proven when he put Charlie Decaye in a chokehold!  Peepers arrived to the spot where the pool of water was, and saw that the water had turned yellow!  The EMT Man had gone in the water!  Peepers laughed as Decaye kneeled down nearby, spitting out water he had drunk from the now peed-in pool.

As always, Peepers was invisible to those he peeped on, however, he was unaware that what he was seeing was an illusion!  The shadowy figure had somehow recreated Decaye and the EMT Man and hidden the fact that they were not real!  Peepers finished laughing at Decaye and then simply floated over to the EMT Man as his glasses glowed.  A moment later, and they were both gone from the desert!

Meanwhile, in the Shit Pitt, the Hands of Time sat on his hill, smoking his giant wacky weed and surrounded by the women in swimsuits.  He put one hand in the air, and someone came walking up the hill to him.  It was a man, wearing an Arabian-style headpiece. Hands of Time took a puff of his giant wacky weed and then stared seriously at the man.

“Tell me your name” Hands of Time spoke in a serious tone.
“I am Hala--” the man began, but was cut off by the Hands of Time.
“I know your name!”  He then took another puff.  “What is your name?”
The man look puzzled.  “My name is Hala--”  He was cut short again.
“No, no, no don’t tell me!!”  Hands of Time went from serious to silly.  He then took another puff.  “I know who you are but I forgot because…I’M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW! Go ahead and tell me your name anyway!

The man shook his head out of disbelief at the Hands of Time’s behavior and then said.
“I am Halabaad, the T-Shirt Terrorist!  Death to American clothing!”
And what is your mission?  Hands of Time took another puff.
“It is my sacred duty to crush my opponents in the Perfect Pitt Challenge!  I shall defeat them so that we may have a great victory!  So says Halabaad!!  LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAALA!!”

Hands of Time smiled.  “Aww man I love that war cry!  Peepers ain’t gonna know what hit him!”

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Stardust appeared, wearing his glittered dress getup from the runway show.  He was accompanied by Just A Solider, who wore a military jacket and helmet, but had on a pink dress in place of pants!

“Hands of Tiiiime” Stardust began, “So good to see such a beautiful young man as yourself once again!  We are here to answer Peepers’ challenge--my beautiful young man, Just A Solider, and I!”

 WEDNESDAY, November 6, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Peepers' Pitt--Cause of the Crunch

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 8 of 10:  “Cause of the Crunch”
and it's cause explained!

The familiar white cloth that had rescued Humphrey, Boris, Choo Choo, Birdy, Charlie and the EMT Man from exile had appeared once more!  This time though, it appeared in a quite unusual way--as a twisted wet cylinder emerging straight upwards from a…TOILET?!?

Jervas Clinkscales, Lucy--his number one ho, and Van Punker, along with the six individuals already mentioned stared in shock at the sight of the wet, white cloth as it floated upwards out a toilet that had appeared from nowhere, right in the middle of Clinkscales’ whorehouse!  Why was there a toilet, and what was about to happen?

Answers would come as the cloth completely cleared the toilet, and began to fan out.  It went from soaking wet to dry in about two seconds!  The cloth then formed a large rectangle and began to glow.  The voice of the shadowy figure was then heard.

“I promised you answers as to who Mr. Peepers was before he created this place, people he knew, and where he came from.  In learning who he was, you will begin to understand how he became godlike, and possibly discover how to defeat him."

“Not so long ago, there was another universe, called the Ink Pitt.  This was the universe Peepers originally came from.  It was populated by many unique individuals, not unlike yourselves.  One day however, a destructive device from outside the Ink Pitt would arrive, threatening to destroy that universe.  The destruction of the Ink Pitt became known as the CRUNCH, and the device was what you see here.”

The toilet was highlighted, and several people laughed.  How could a toilet be responsible for the death of a universe?

 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Peepers' Pitt--Guests in the Whorehouse

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 7 of 10:  “Guests in the Whorehouse”
The Glowing Toilet!

 After absorbing the energies from the dying pocket universe known as the WHITESPACE, Mr. Peepers the peeping tom became godlike!  Mr. Peepers used his godlike power to toy with his enemies.  In doing so, Peepers realized that, despite his godlike status, he still lacked an important factor…experience!

So, in an effort to gain experience, Peepers decided to create his own universe to counter the already-existing New Ink Pitt and Shit Pitt.  Peepers created his PEEPERS’ PITT.  When efforts to create a perfect woman with his power failed, Mr. Peepers decided to populate his universe with unique individuals from other realities.  Initially, Peepers brought ten individuals to his Peepers Pitt without their consent.  Peepers would go on to separate the ten with his godlike power.  It was his plan to gain experience by observing the ten individuals.  Eventually, Peepers had to intervene to make things more interesting.

Now, for the first time since their arrival, 7 of the original ten are all in one place, thanks to the assistance of a shadowy figure and a mysterious white cloth that has charged them to prepare to battle Mr. Peepers in a “last battle” to win their freedom from Peepers’ Pitt.

Jervas Clinkscales ran up to meet the group that had just entered his whorehouse.  Dollar signs flashed in his eyes as he counted the possibilities of the money he could make if Lucy were to service all six individuals!  Clinkscales was shaken out of his greedy thoughts when he saw that two of them were not quite human-looking.  The census worker with a pumpkin head, Charlie Decaye, stood in front of the group, with the birdman, Birdy Nok Nok, directly behind.

“Jervas Clinkscales,” Decaye began with his gravelly voice, “Pleased to meet you.  I’m Charlie Decaye.”  Decaye put his hand forward, but Clinkscales refused to shake it.

“Heeey man, what kinda thing you got goin’ on yo head? Didn’t know it wuz Halloween already!”  Clinkscales tightly gripped his pimp cane in an effort to prevent himself from fainting at the horrible sight of Charlie Decaye!

“Oh…well this is not a mask.  It’s my face!”  Decaye stared emotionless at Clinkscales.  After a long silence Clinkscales spoke up again.
“Well whut can I help you fellaz with?  Maybe you is interested in some fine music by my in-house performah, Vaaan Punker?  Or maybe you is wantin’ ta have a guud time with my numbah one ho, Lucy?”

Choo Choo Andrews walked up in front of Decaye.
“Lissen here, man!  We don’t want to lissen to music or do anything with your whore!  We were sent here by someone who wants to stop Mr. Peepers and get us out of this place!”

Decaye spoke again.  “Yes, a shadowy figure rescued us from the exile Mr. Peepers had placed us in, and returned us to this town.  He told us that he would place information about Peepers here, so we would know who we were dealing with.  Hopefully it will prepare us for the “last battle.”

Jervas twisted his hands on the handle of his cane.
“You mean we can get the hell outta this here ghost town, and gets back to where me and Lucy came from?”

“Da!  It is good!  We shall all be able to return to our homes,” said Boris, who was turning a bit red as he saw Lucy behind Clinkscales, near the staircase leading up to bedrooms, where he’d been before!

“Well, count me in…can’t make no money roun’ this place.   How is we gonna find this information on Peepers though?

Suddenly, the sound of a toilet flushing was heard!  It was not coming from the bathroom of the whorehouse however!  It was immediately clear that the flushing was coming from a glowing toilet that appeared right before the eyes of Clinckscales, Lucy, Punker, and the six guests! As soon as the toilet finished flushing…a bright light shot up out of it, and the familiar white cloth appeared, twisiting upwards out of the water!

 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental