Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers v.s. Interaction

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 1 of 3:  “Peepers vs. Interaction” 

THE LAST BATTLE PHOTOS BY MR. PEEPERS
CELLOPHANE BY CELLOPHANE THE BAND

The Last Battle?  Peepers pondered this term as he got up from the ground.  There had been no first battle in his Peepers’ Pitt, so how could there be a last one?  More importantly, was everything involving Trodemus and Johnny Pizzazz in his Pitt just as false as his episode with the “perfect woman?”  Such a deception, capable of fooling the godlike Peepers, would take great power to orchestrate.  None of the inhabitants in Peepers’ Pitt possessed such power, yet there they stood, claiming to have Peepers’ “number.”

“Peepers perplex.  How Charlie Pumpkin headed Census worker get Peepers’ number?  Also, what he plan to do with it?   Peepers hope you not prank call Peepers!”

Charlie Decaye frowned, though it was difficult to tell since he always has what looked like a scowl on his face.  “Peepers, we finally know how to defeat you!”

Peepers smirked.  “Yes, and Peepers throw all his nudie magazines away tomorrow!  Peepers glad Charlie joke with him, since he have serious issue to tell him about his census information!  Peepers lie and say several girls in nudie magazines actually live with Peepers!”

Choo Choo Andrews, railroad man, stepped up.  “It’s true!  We know how to defeat you, and then we’re all goin’ home!”

“Peepers think you been riding rails too long, Choo Choo!  Peepers is all-powerful here in his Peepers’ Pitt!  You may have fool Peepers into believing Trodemus/Pizzazz and Perfect Woman scenarios, but you make one mistake--you not defeat Peepers when he distracted!”

“We’s gon’ stop you, and then I’s gon go home and get sometin’ to eat!”  Humphrey began to hobble over towards Peepers.

“Squawk! Squawk!” Birdy Nok Nok agreed.

“You said my Lucy had a dirty hoo ha!”  Jervas Clinkscales chimed in.  “You gon’ pay for insultin’ mah numbah one ho!”

Boris the Russian, Lucy, Van Punker, and all the rest began to surround Peepers.  Peepers laughed at them.  There was nothing they could do to contain or defeat his godlike power!
Peepers concentrated, and waited for his glasses to glow with godlike energy as it had so many times before.  Peepers was shocked when nothing happened!

The mob surrounded Peepers, and grabbed hold of him, pushing themselves up against Peepers in a great violation of personal space!  Though they were not physically harming him (yet) the sudden barrage of unwanted human contact was just too much for Peepers!  It had been so long since he’d had this much interaction!  Perhaps he’d never had this much!  Peepers detested this loss of control as he was forced out of his observational role into interaction!   He grew claustrophobic at the closeness of the bodies around him.  His fear grew until he finally screamed and let out a flash of white energy that propelled everyone away from him.

Peepers looked around to see all his opponents in this “last battle.”  They had fallen, but no harm had come to them from the energy.  Peepers smirked.  This meant they would learn their lesson and he could go back to observing them.  He then looked down at his outfit.  It was not longer white, with a black eye design on it, as it had been since he gained the godlike power of the whitespace.  It was now gray!  Peepers felt his hair to notice it had changed as well!   His trademark bangs had somehow been lifted into a bizarre fauxhawk!  His glasses also felt strangely, and he removed them to see that they no longer had white lenses, but had now changed to orange and green!

Peepers did not comprehend what had happened, but did not have time to ponder it further, as a very loud crashing sound filled the air!  The ground shook each time the sound was heard.  A moment later, and Peepers realized that his “last battle” was not over yet, as the giant figure of Kamola, the Thai lady, appeared from behind a building…

NEXT:  PEEPERS V.S. KAMOLA!
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--The Perfect Woman pt. 2

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded With Strangers Epilogue:  “The Perfect Woman pt. 2” 
The Perfect Woman & Kids!
Peepers was giddy.  The kiss of the perfect woman had left him with a big smile on his face and a sense of awe for someone other than himself.  The perfect woman, with her dark hair, luscious lips, and vuluptous body had defeated Peepers!  Even in his godlike state, he could not resist the power of this perfect female!  Part of him was weak in her presence, but another part of him began to strengthen with lustful power!

Peepers held to the perfect woman, but backed away a bit to show her the effect she’d had on him.  She then slid from his grasp, and floated quickly backwards and away from him.

“Catch me, Peepers! If you desire more! Hehehe!”

Peepers floated after her through the tunnel of flashing lights, which seemed to go on forever.  Suddenly, a bright flash of white light appeared between the woman and Peepers, making it impossible to see anything! When the light dimmed, Peepers saw a house before him.  He then heard the voice of the perfect woman.

“Peepers…come inside to me and we can consummate our union!”

Peepers floated up to the door, and opened it to find the woman now fully-clothed in a dress and running a vacuum cleaner.  She was no longer “the perfect woman” in terms of body shape.  She had grown overweight and looked very plain.  Peepers shook his head in disbelief.  What had happened to his perfect woman?!?

“Where have you been?!?”  the perfect woman shouted at Peepers.  “I can’t do everything around this house by myself!!  The dishes need washing, the clothes need ironing, and you have to help the kids with their homework!”

Peepers’ eyes grew big beneath his glasses.  The perfect woman had gone from a dream to a nightmare! When 3 kids, all wearing Mr. Peepers-type glasses, ran into the room, Peepers screamed!  They attacked him and yelled “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

Peepers turned to run to the door, but the children held to him.  The perfect woman spoke again.  “Where are you goin’ now?!?  Don’t you leave again!  You gotta change Baby Peepers’ diaper!”  Peepers cringed as a loud “WAHHH” was heard from another room.  “Get in there and be a daddy while I finish the vacuuming!”  Peepers struggled to get away, and finally reached the door handle.  He touched it, only to be shocked by some kind of electrical energy!  The woman, house, and children faded and then completely vanished.

Peepers recovered himself, and looked to his right to see the seven-foot tall robot of the Mad Tinkerer before him!  Peepers could tell from a glowing orb in its chest, that the robot had somehow created the image of the perfect woman.  The robot was joined by the Tinkerer, Jervas Clinkscales, Lucy, Van Punker, Boris, Choo Choo Andrews, Charlie Decaye, the EMT man, Birdy Nok Nok, and Humphrey Hobo!

“How people in his Pitt do this to Peepers?  How they trick Peepers when he godlike?!?

The gravely voice of Charlie Decaye gave an answer.  “We got your number, Peepers! Time to end this!  The Last Battle begins now!”

NEXT:  THE LAST BATTLE!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 29, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--The Perfect Woman pt. 1

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded With Strangers Epilogue:  “The Perfect Woman pt. 1” 
Peepers has found the Perfect Woman!
“Pizzazz!  I’s wan’ Haley Cypress!  I’s wan’ the hotel room and the tessle tease!  I’s wan’ it now!!”  Humphrey bounced around like a little kid.  Getting down on all fours and barking like a dog to break Trodemus’ mind control had awakened a desire in him!  He no longer wanted sleep in an alley…at least not alone!

“Not now, Humphrey!”  Pizzazz was totally focused on Mr. Peepers, who now stood before them after their battle against Trodemus and Birdy Nok Nok.

“Peepers see you, and he see that Pizzazz and Trodemus have truly brought entertainment to his Peepers’ Pitt!  Peepers wish to see more, so he wou--”

Peepers stopped mid-sentence, due to a strange occurrence.  Right before his eyes, Johnny Pizzazz, Humphrey Hobo, Trodemus of Doom, and Birdy Nok Nok began to fade away!  A moment later, and they had completely vanished!

“Wh--What Peepers see?  Where stupid hobo and Pizzazz go?!?  Where Trodemus and Birdy go?!? Peepers not like!!!”

Peepers looked about frantically, trying to locate any sign of them, but with no success.  Even his godlike power could not discern where they had gone!

“Peepers!”  The voice of a woman came from behind him, just outside the alley.  Peepers was even more confused and astonished, as he looked to see a beautiful naked woman standing before him!

“Peepers!  It’s me!  It’s your perfect woman!”

“Peepers not understand.  Where everyone go, and how Peepers now finally find Perfect Woman?!?”

“You created me, Peepers!  You and your godlike power have finally succeeded!  Come to me!”

“Peepers come! Yes!  Perfect Woman have perfect idea! Hehe!”

Peepers floated quickly to the woman.  He moved faster and faster, but it seemed like he could not reach her!  Peepers suddenly noticed that the Perfect Woman had wings like an angel, which she was using to move backwards and away from him!  As they sped through the air, everything around them faded  and it appeared they were in a tunnel filled with flashing lights.

Somehow, Peepers caught her and wrapped his arms around her tightly in an awkward embrace.

“Peepers have you now!”  Peepers was at a loss with what to do with her though!  The Perfect Woman was a brunette, with a vuluptous body and luscious lips.  Peepers stared into her dark eyes, and was a bit intimidated!

“Peepers, do not be afraid…you have all that you wanted now.  Come, let us consummate our love!”  With that, the raven-haired beauty grabbed Peepers’ head and pressed her lips up to his in a passionate kiss!

NEXT:  THE PERFECT WOMAN pt. 2!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 21, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
  • GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
Newsletter Versions
 
 


All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Peepers' Pitt--Awake from Battle

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 12 of 12:  “Awake from Battle” 
Pizzazz & Humphrey vs Trodemus & Birdy
Birdy Nok Nok careened downwards into the alley.  Trodemus struggled to hang on as he sat upon the bird man’s back. Trodemus’ teledeception had made Birdy Nok Nok furious with Johnny Pizzazz, and that is who he targeted first.  He swooped down low and nearly grazed Pizzazz with his sharp beak!  Humphrey ran for cover behind his trash can.

“How do you like my protégé, Johnny Pizzazz?” Trodemus gloated.  “His name is Birdy Nok Nok, and he’s very angry with you!”

Birdy made another downwards swoop at Pizzazz, and managed to knock his hat off!  “Trodemus, what are you doing?”

“The Prophet of Doom has seen the future and he knows what is to come!  Trodemus is going to be $1,000 richer now that he’s started this fight that Peepers demanded!”

Pizzazz recovered his hat, and grabbed his microphone.  “Didn’t know that Peepers required us to fight to win the money!  Don’t forget, Trodemus, that I am the Mage of the Age, the Maestro of Magic, the Catalyst of Character….JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!”

Before Pizzazz could act, Trodemus used his telekinesis to shove the magician up against the brick wall of the alley.

“Can’t have you using any of your magic, Pizzazz!  The Prophet of Doom knows you, and knows the tricks you have up your sleeves!”  Birdy then landed and Trodemus got off his back.  The birdman ran over to the trapped Pizzazz in a fit of squawking anger!  Birdy took one sideways glance at Pizzazz, and then began to randomly peck the wall around him!

“Trodemus!  What is he doing?”

Trodemus smiled.  “I think he’s trying to kill you!  Peepers wanted Birdy bad, and now, thanks to the Prophet of Doom, he’s the baddest bird man here!”

Pizzazz tried to move as the pecks of Birdy’s beak came closer to different areas of his body.  “Why?!?”

“I want to win that money, Pizzazz!  I can use it to spruce up the psychic parlor and take Belinda out for a night on the town!  I can also use it to fund my new reality show, TRODEMUS: SEEKER OF SPECTRES!”

“No! Why is Birdy trying to kill me?!?”

“Oh.  Well in order to make him bad, I used my teledeception to show him images of you trying to attack him!”

Pizzazz struggled to move, but he could not.  He looked over at the trash can to see Humphrey cowering behind.  Pizzazz stared into his eyes, and was able to finally motivate the hobo into action!

“Hey! You’s leave my fren Johnny Pizzazz alone!”  Humphrey stood up from behind the trash can.  “Birdy!  Wha you doin’?”

Birdy Nok Nok saw Humphrey and instantly remembered his friend.  He stopped pecking at Pizzazz and looked confused.  Trodemus saw his hold on Birdy slipping, so he projected more false images into his mind, and this time the images were of Humphrey attacking!  Birdy squawked and flapped his wings to strike at Humphrey, but accidentally struck Trodemus, knocking him into the brick wall!  Pizzazz was then able to move again, and had to act fast to use his magic to help Humphrey!  Birdy lunged forward to attack the hobo.  Pizzazz pulled his magic wand from his hat and shot sparks at Birdy.  The sparks caused Birdy great fright, and he lost his sense of direction.  He came crashing down near Humphrey’s trash can.

Trodemus gathered himself to find Pizzazz standing over him with his wand pointed in his face.  Humphrey came walking up beside him.

“Let me introduce my protégé.”  Pizzazz stood over the fallen pair.  “His name is Humphrey the hob--”

Before Pizzazz could finish his sentence, Trodemus used his telekinesis to knock the wand from the Maestro of Magic’s hand.  It flew back into the alley behind Birdy.

“The Prophet of Doom WILL have that money!”  He then pushed Pizzazz and Humphrey up against the wall with his seemingly growing telekinetic power!  “He will have that money and he will leave here as soon as possible!  Doom has had quite enough of this place!”

Suddenly, Birdy Nok Nok flew up at Trodemus.  His recognition of Humphrey had either freed him from Trodemus, or made him crazier!  The bird man flapped his wings and hovered above him, between downward strikes with his beak.  Doom waved his hands to get him to move away.  Finally, he used his telekinesis to shove Birdy out of the air and toss him back into the alley where he crashed into Humphrey’s trash can.

“Now, The Prophet of Doom is going to give Peepers the most exciting show he’s ever seen!  He’s going to use his teledeception power to confuse the three of you so thoroughly that you’ll be fighting each other!  While you are trying to kill each other, Doom will be counting his cash!”  Trodemus then began to project images into the minds of Humphrey and Pizzazz.  Even if they were too smart for the deception, they would still be confused as to who was where, and who was trying to strike!  Pizzazz saw the fist of Humphrey coming at him.  He was unable to move, and was struck hard.  The deception had quickly become truth!  Pizzazz did not want to fight back, as he knew he’d be hitting Humphrey and continuing the pointless fight.  He was then sliced across the arm by the beak of Birdy Nok Nok!  Trodemus laughed as he watched the pair working Pizzazz over!  Pizzazz thought for a way out of this, and he suddenly remembered the Cowboy’s reform technique.  It was a type of mental resistance to mind control.  It had helped them against Shithead, and Pizzazz hoped it would work here.  All he had to do was get down on all fours…and bark!

Pizzazz dropped to his knees to the puzzlement of Trodemus.  Once on all fours, the Mage of the Age began to bark like a dog.  Trodemus’ eyes grew big.  Such behavior was surely uncharacteristic of Pizzazz, but Trodemus did not care.  Perhaps it was strange reaction to the teledeception?  When Humphrey and Birdy also got down on all fours and began barking, Trodemus lost all sense of what was going on.  Further attempts at teledeception proved useless.  Also, his telekinesis had somehow ceased to work!  The powerless Prophet of Doom just stood there as Pizzazz, Humphrey, and Birdy finally got up from the ground.

“What the hell was that?” Trodemus demanded.

Pizzazz smiled.  “Some mental resistance a good friend taught me.”

Doom frowned.  “Barking like a dog?”

“I can’t explain it, but it works.  Guess this means we win!”

Peepers suddenly appeared with his full body once more visible after appearing as only a floating head for so long.  He clapped his hands in applause at what he’d just witnessed…

NEXT:  THE PERFECT WOMAN!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 14, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 
  • GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
Newsletter Versions
 
 


All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental