Saturday, December 31, 2011

Mr. Peepers Comments on Peepers & the Pittspace Comic

In the first video, I(Joshua Dyson)talk about the comic strip I'm working on, Mr. Peepers & the Pittspace, which stars a comic book version of Mr. Peepers.




Mr. Peepers comments on the Mr. Peepers & the Pittspace comic



The Mr. Peepers & Pittspace comic appears Monday January 2, 2012 at 9 PM at http://crevicecreations.blogspot.com/

The Pitt Report blog postings continue Monday January 2, 2012 on this blog.


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Holiday Season Hiatus

Hey everyone, if you arrive here to find no new blog postings, it's because the Pitt Report is going to be on a Holiday Season Hiatus until January. I am taking some time off to get some other projects up and running, like my From the Crevice comedy/comics paper and the upcoming Mr. Peepers and the Pittspace online comic strip which debuts on my new blog, Crevice Creations, at http://crevicecreations.blogspot.com/

Check back here on Monday January 2, 2012 for all-new Pitt Report postings!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Shit Pitt--Pre-Consummation Jitters


Are Spurrier and Snigger Really Going to Get it On?!?

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 3 of 5: “Pre-Consummation Jitters”
Connor Squaw and Markus Laddermore tackled the Rosewood Cowboy. They were in some nearby bushes with some cheerleaders when they had heard the shot the Cowboy had taken at Spurrier. Confused, drunk, and naked, it had taken the two football players a few minutes to regain their composure. Now, however, they were in top form, as they took the Rosewood Cowboy to the ground!

“I got ‘em!” Laddermore shouted.

“No, I got ‘em!” Squaw protested. The two men began to squabble as they sat on top of the fallen Cowboy. It was clear they were still drunk.

“I’m the best! Coach even said so!” Connor Squaw squawked as he put his hands on his hips.

“If you’re so great, why you wearing that?” Laddermore pointed down at where Squaw’s pants should have been. Squaw was wearing a cheerleader dress like the girl he’d been with!

Laddermore laughed! “Youse done been pus--”

POW! Laddermore was knocked into some bushes. The Rosewood Cowboy had punched him! Squaw got up off the rising Cowboy and stood up there in his cheerleader skirt! He clenched his fists.

“You might whip Laddermore, but I’m different!”

“That so?” The Cowboy scoffed as he lifted himself off the ground, and in the same motion, puched Squaw sqaure between the eyes! The Cowboy picked up his hat, which had fallen off his head during the tackle. He placed it back on his head.

“Ah ain’t got no beef with ya’ll boys. It’s your Coach ah’m after!” He turned to walk off but was tackled from behind by Laddermore, who was back up again! The Cowboy struggled to get free, but Laddermore held tightly. Squaw rejoined the conflict a few moments later, and started punching the Cowboy in the stomach as Laddermore held him!

***

Snigger sat on the floor of the hotel room Spurrier had gotten them. The horse sat there, placed in front of a table. The table held a plate for Snigger, filled with oats and grain. Spurrier sat across the table, eyeing his lovely “bride.”

“Snigger, what’s wrong, sugar? Ya ain’t hungry? Ya got them post-wedding, pre-consummation jitters ain‘tcha? Know ya is nervous, but ya gotta eat something!”

Spurrier rubbed his stomach and licked his lips. “Ya gotta keep up yore strength like me! Gotta keep that strength…for they night ah’m about to show ya!” Spurrier got up from the table and went towards the bathroom.

“Don’t worry, honey, ya got plenty of time! Ah’m gonna go take a shower, and when ah come out…it’s gon’ be on! ah told ‘em all you and ah was gon’ be together forever, and tonight, ah’m gonna prove it when ah take ya…take that beautiful body of yours and treat it they way it should be treated! Make ya feel so damn good and make ya all mine!”

Spurrier then stripped down in front of the horse, showing Snigger his bare ass before running into the bathroom!


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, November 21, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Repent for Temple Worthiness


Rufus without Chocolate!

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 4 of 5: “Repent for Temple Worthiness”
Rufus the Retard lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His eyes were wide open in astonishment. He had gone twelve hours without chocolate and now it appeared he was going through withdrawls! Whenever he felt an urge for chocolate, he grabbed his Book of Mormon, placed it on his head, and pressed down with both hands while whining!

“NO, NO, NO! I na eat no more chocowate bars because I good Mormon m-man! I-I not eat anything w-with caffeine in it no more! It bad, bad, bad!”

Now that Rufus was 19 years old, he was eligible to begin his journey into the Mormon priesthood. Doing this sucessfully, however, required Rufus to repent of all his “wicked” ways, which for Mormons, includes the intake of caffeine. The door to Rufus’ bedroom opened, and Lenny the Leprechaun walked in. Lenny was to accompany Rufus during his priesthood in order to “look out for him.” If he did not, Rachel, Rufus’ mom, had vowed to cut the leprechaun out of her life forever! Lenny could not bear this, as he loved Rachel more than life itself, and he was the father or her unborn child!

Lenny smiled at Rufus as he walked up to his bedside. He wore a mini-backpack over his small leprechaun shoulders. “Ey there, Rufus! What are ye doing, Lad?”

Rufus peeped out from under his Book of Mormon. “Go ’way Lenny! I twy wepent!”

“What do ye mean, Lad? We-pwent?”

“I twy wepent from m-mah sins so I-I be t-temple worthee!”

Lenny walked over to a chair in the corner and climbed up to sit down. He then reached into his back pack. “That be good, Lad. Then ye will nae mind if’n I sit here and have a chocolate bar!” Lenny pulled out a giant chocolate bar and started eating it! Rufus’ eyes grew big, and he sat up in his bed.

“CHOCOWATE! I wan some!”

“No, Rufus! Ye be wepenting so ye cannae have any, remember?”

Rufus gritted his teeth in frustration and lay back on his bed. He smacked the Book of Mormon into his forehead several times before whining again. Lenny smiled.


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

New Ink PItt--Haunted House of Doom Finale

Originally posted on my first blog, on November 1, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom pt. 4 of 4: “Haunted House of Doom Finale
The Haunted House of Doom had been a success for Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, and had made him more money in one weekend than his fortune-telling business had made in two weeks! Doom, along with his love, Belinda, greedily took in the funds at the door. Trodemus wondered how in the world the “vision” of his business failing could ever be true at this point. There was no way he could go under, because he was riding high on the wave of success! Doom felt that he had averted disaster by taking extreme measures to ensure his business--and now the haunted house--made more profits than ever! As the old adage goes, Trodemus was practically “lauging his way to the bank!”
There would be time for money management later however, as it was Halloween night, and Doom still had guests to attend to! Trodemus came out to greet them. This would be the last group to go through the Haunted House of Doom, and Trodemus was prepared to make this walk-through the scariest of them all! “Greetings, I am Trodemus, Prophet of Doom! I have seen the future, and I know what is to come!” Trodemus spoke in his usually dark gravely voice. “And what is to come you may ask? Why--the most frightening voyage you have ever been on, as you enter--the HAUNTED HOUSE OF DOOM!” Suddenly, a wind picked up, and nearly blew Trodemus’ cloak right off his head! Doom was a bit taken back. This certainly wasn’t part of the show, but he was liking the fright he saw on his guests’ faces, so he went with it. Perhaps Rufus and Wilbur had gotten hold of one of the fans and were trying to scare the Prophet of Doom as a prank. Trodemus would not let such things shake him though, and he was the consummate professional in his perfomances.
Once inside, things went on without any troubles. Wilbur chased the guests through the house as the “redneck zombie,” and She-Peepers scared everyone half to death! Belinda got in on the act, and, dressed as a witch, she brought her own brand of horror to the show by grabbing Trodemus and pressing her fat lips on his! While Trodemus usually followed the script, he had allowed room for improvisation. In Belinda’s case, she needed a whole lot more room than most, and Trodemus was more than happy to allow her such freedom! Besides, her passionate kiss served to spice things up and get everyone off balance so that they were totally shocked when the Potbellied Ninja jumped out with a ski mask on, carrying a katana blade! The Ninja got the guests running to the next scene, where Rufus was waiting with his toys, in a padded room! Rufus just kept talking about his mommy and how he liked playing with his toys! Trodemus had given Rufus lots of room for improvisation as well, but had made sure to make the room as scary as possible, with doll heads all over the place, and the words “help me” written all over the walls! When Rufus started talking about chocolate though, Doom made sure to push his guests on through. After leaving the Haunted House, the guests would then go through a haunted maze, where Doom had about a dozen costumed people hiding in its dark corners to get plenty of “jump scares” before the end of the walk. Trodemus sent them down the maze, bidding them farewell. As soon as they all left, Trodemus turned to walk back through the haunted house. Upon turning, Doom saw a sight most horrifying! Floating before him, glowing intensely, was what appeared to be a ghost!



It was a white sheet-type ghost with eyeholes. The actual look of it was not horrifying, but what was so scary was the fact that Doom did not have anyone playing a ghost in his haunted house! Doom questioned it, but it did not answer. He then grabbed the sheet and pulled it away! However, when he grabbed the sheet, there was no one beneath it! Trodemus grew pale. What was going on? Was someone trying to play a prank on him? Some of his questions would be answered as a horrible voice spoke to him. “Trodemus.” Doom looked up to see DEATH! Doom had witnessed Death before, and had last seen him back during the Long Dark Halloween a couple of years ago! “Death…what are you doing here?” Doom spoke, a bit frightened by the appearance of Death. “Have you come for the Prophet of Doom’s soul so soon?” Death spoke again. “No, Doom, I have come to warn you--not of your death--but the death of your business! It shall fall, and there is nothing you can do about it!” Trodemus walked towards Death. “That’s impossible! The Prophet of Doom is more successful than ever! You lie, Death!” Death just laughed, and then he vanished. Doom felt a cold numbness sweep over him, as if he himself had died. Deep inside, Trodemus knew that what Death said was true, but his pride refused to let him accept it. He had made a fortune! There was no way his business would fail! Was there?




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Shit Pitt--Squaw and Laddermore


How will the Cowboy deal with Smellypants?

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 2 of 5: “Squaw and Laddermore”
Coach Spurrier had regained his senses…almost. The Gamey Garnet Cockwine he’d been drinking had placed him in a servere state of drunkeness! Marrying Snigger the horse had made for the greatest day of his life, and the intensity of his celebration after reflected that!

When the Rosewood Cowboy crashed Spurrier’s wedding reception though, Spurrier quickly began to sober up! Getting shot at and then trying to hang onto the back of the fleeing Snigger had nearly shaken him back to soberness! The ride on Snigger’s back had been long and hard, but Spurrier suddenly became aware that it was over.

“Snigger, what is it, Love? Where we at?”

Spurrier slowly slid off the back of the love of his life, but held to him for support. Spurrier wobbled around and tried to see where they were. He looked in front of them with blurry vision and saw a light in the distance. He strained his eyes to see where it was coming from. He began to make out the silhouette of a building, and a parking lot in front of it. Spurrier shook his head in unbelief.

“Aww Snigger! Ya romantic cuss you! Ya done brought us to a hotel!
Now we can consummate our marriage!

***

The Rosewood Cowboy walked back over to Christopher Smellypants. The ex-football player and lover of pigs had taken a bullet to the butt, courtesy of the Cowboy! The Cowboy squatted down beside the fallen football star.

“Son, ya make me sick! Piggy Passes my ass! I think you was making passes at that pig, and it disgusts me! I really wanna teach ya some manners!”

The Cowboy pointed the gun at Smellypants again, but then moved it away.

“Yep, teach ya some manners! I ain’t gonna use no more lead though! Got other ways of rehabilitatin’ people! All ya gotta do is get down on all fours…and bark like a dog!”

Smellypants refused, but quickly did as the Cowboy demanded when the gun was pointed at him again. The Cowboy laughed. Suddenly, current football players, Markus Laddermore and Connor Squaw appeared from some nearby bushes. Laddermore yelled out.

“’Ey what the hell is goin’ on here?!?”


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Peepers' Pitt--Punker's Payment


Punker has to pay up!

Peepers' Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 4 of 20: “Punker's Payment”
Rock star Van Punker awoke to a thumping noise. He opened his eyes to see Jervas Clinkscales, Lucy’s pimp, standing over him. The thumping sound was coming from Clinkscales’ cane, which he tapped against the wooden floor.

“Myy name is Jerrrvas Clinkscales, and I hear you had sex with Lucy, my number one ho!”

Punker, who had taken the drugs and drank the alcohol left him by Mr. Peepers back in the park, was a bit out of it. His thoughts began to clear, and he vaguely remembered having sex with someone. Lucy walked in a moment later, and suddenly it all came back to the rock star.

“H-hey man, I don’t want no trouble. I was just performing and I woke up here.” Punker lied.

Jervas leaned forward and smiled. “Hehe. Thas ok myy man. Looks like you had a bad trip. I knows every man hass needs, but that don change the fack that…you slept with myy number one ho, and you ain’t paid yet!”

Punker felt around for his pockets, but he had none as he was naked. He looked over at his red performance spandex.

“Don botha…we check them as soon as I finds out you was in here. You ain’t got nothing in them. So I wants ta know…how is you gon pay up? Lucy, she is the best I gots, and she don come cheap!”
Van Punker looked around again before jumping up out of bed and shoving Jervas out of the way!

“DAMMIT! YOU AIN’T GETTING AWAY WITHOUT PAYING, MAN!” Clinkscales ran after Van Punker…


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Shit Pitt--Piggy Pass


The End Result of too much Gamey Cockwine!

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 1 of 5: “Piggy Pass”
Spurrier rolled around on Snigger’s back, struggling to turn over onto his stomach. His drunkeness, due to Gamey Garnet Cockwine, was making it difficult! Spurrier finally managed to right himself, and was now straddling Snigger backwards! He looked up just in time to see the Rosewood Cowboy firing another bullet from his pistol! Spurrier quickly spanked Snigger’s butt, and the Ebony Equine neighed like thunder and reared up on his hind legs, nearly throwing Spurrier onto the ground! A moment later and Snigger and Spurrier were speeding through the trees of the woods!

The Rosewood Cowboy cursed. He had come to get Snigger back from Spurrier, and was determined that nothing would stop him! He began walking forward when a pig ran out of the bushes in front of him!

“SEEEYOW SEEEYOW! I’S GON CATCH YA, PIGGY! SEEYOW!”

The Cowboy looked towards the bushes to see who was making that ridiculous pig call. Former college football player, Christopher Smellypants, appeared from the bushes, wearing only his boxers and socks!

“Sir, have ya seen mah piggy?”

The Cowboy glared angrily at Smellypants. “Son, what the hell is your problem?”

Smellypants looked a little confused. “Nothing sir, just trying ta have a good time with mah piggy!”

“Are ya telling me that you were in there havin’ relations with that pig?”

Smellypants acted a little embarrassed. “Um, no sir…I was…um…I was just teaching the pig how ta m-make passes…y’know…in football…piggy passes!”

The Cowboy walked up to Smellypants. He was tall and imposing and it intimidated the ex-football player.

“Passes…in football, huh?”

“Um…yes sir!” Smellypants nearly choked on the words when he saw the angry look on the Cowboy’s face.

“A..Piggy Pass?”

“Y-yes sir! We do them all the time on the f-” The Cowboy grabbed Smellypants by the arm and pointed his pistol at him!

“Son, if ah wasn’t so concerned with gittin’ mah horse back from that damn coach of yours, ah’d tan yore hide!”

The cowboy gritted his teeth and squinted his eyes. “Y’see, ah don’t take kindly ta people mistreatin’ animals, and if ah ever catch you putting yore finger…or any other body part…onto that pig or any other animal again…ah’ll PUMP YA FULL OF LEAD! UNDERSTAND?” Smellypants shook his head nervously. The Cowboy then pushed him down onto the ground and turned to pursue Spurrier.

BRAPPP!!! The Cowboy felt something hit him in the back as he heard the sound. He turned to see Smellypants with his butt up in the air!

“Boy, did ya just bump your butt up against me and…”
Smellypants laughed. “I sure did--farted on you--whatcha gonna do about it? Stupid cowboy!”

Smellypants ran off, but could not escape the Cowboy. A gunshot rang out and Smellypants fell to the ground. He screamed and grabbed his butt. The Cowboy had put a bullet in his backside! He tipped his hat to the immature Smellypants and walked off.


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, October 31, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom: "The Videos" pt. 2

Originally posted on my first blog, on October 30, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom: "The Videos" 2 of 2

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS CONTAIN MATURE SUBJECT MATTER NOT MEANT FOR ALL AUDIENCES

Wilbur Hydrick's Horror in the Cornfield


Rufus the Retard is excited about the Haunted House!


She Peepers: Scariest Bitch in the Haunted House of Doom!


All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Peepers Pitt--Train Ride


Where is Choo Choo now?

Peepers' Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 3 of 20: “Train Ride”
Choo Choo Andrews rolled side to side. His eyes opened to find that he was laying on a cot in what looked like a passenger compartment on a train. The cot vibrated, confirming that he was in fact, on a moving train. Andrews grew hopeful, thinking that he had finally found the train that Peepers had promised, and now he’d be going home! Then he remembered Peepers’ statement that what they had been doing was against his will, and his plans to correct it! Suddenly, Choo Choo heard a loud squawking from the hall. He opened the door of his passenger compartment and saw Birdy Nok Nok jumping around and trying to fly in the close quarters of the train! Apparently, Mr. Peepers had decided to pair up Choo Choo the railroad man and Birdy Nok Nok the bird man!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Shit Pitt--Wedding Reception


Will the reception end with a bang?

Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows pt. 5 of 5: “Wedding Reception”
Coach Spurrier was wasted. After finally marrying the love of his life, Snigger the Horse, the pair rode off into the woods to meet up with some of Spurrier’s friends for the wedding reception! Spurrier had pulled out a bottle of his Gamey Garnet Cockwine and had begun sipping it as the journey began. By the time they reached their destination, Spurrier was drunk, and ready to party!

Spurrier lay on his back, sprawled across the back of his new bride! Amazingly, he had yet to fall off of Snigger’s back in this position, and still held his bottle of Gamey Cockwine!

“Hells yeah I’s married! M-me and this h-hear horseisss married woooo hoo! N-now--URP--befores Sniggers and I’s consummates the marriage, we’s gon parteee like there’s no t-tomorrow!!”

Snigger stood with the drunken Spurrier on his back, in the middle of a clearing. Nearby was a fire, which was surrounded by Spurrier’s buddies. They included some of his notable football players such as Conner Squaw, Markus Laddermore, and even the recently released Steven Gardia! Former football player Christopher Smellypants also showed up, eating beans and passing gas on people. They were all drinking and doing stupid things. Eventually, Farmer Brown showed up with some more farm animals like Snigger, and Smellypants chased a pig into a bush and did who knows what with it! The cheerleaders were also at the reception, and laid out on the grass and let the football players take turns like they often do after football practice at the Willy Rice Stadium!

A great time was being had by all…that is, until a gunshot rang out and a bullet whizzed past the drunken Spurrier’s head! Spurrier looked upside down with glazed eyes towards the sound. He saw the Rosewood Cowboy standing at the edge of the clearing, with his pistol ready!



Purchase a copy of the Hand Held Hotties mini comic and support this blog! This issue features Mr. Peepers, who comments on a group of hotties that are displayed in pin-up format. Get it now for only $1.00! Created, written, and drawn by Joshua Dyson








All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, October 24, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Disagreements Dissolved


Rachel will end the argument!

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 3 of 5: “Disagreements Dissolved”
“NO RACHEL NO! AYE WILL NOT!” Lenny the Leprechaun yelled loudly.
“AYE will NOT go with this re-…Rufus on this trip ye speak of! Me place is here with ye and our unborn chile!”

Rachel looked down at Lenny as he stood in the middle of her living room with his arms crossed. She knew that he would be opposed to the idea of accompanying Rufus as a “guest” on his mission to become a Mormon priest. However, she also knew that any argument he could make would not be able to counter the conclusion she had come to.

“Lenny, you have to understand. This is best for us all. In order for us to ever be a family, you have to do this.”

“NO NO NO! LENNY NOT…COME W-WITH ME, MOMMEE! HE NOT ‘LLOWED CUZ HE BAD BAD BAD!!” Rufus spouted his words between large mouthfuls of the last chocolate bar Rachel had given him. The retard spat chocolate all over the dining room table as he spoke.

“Now, Rufus, you KNOW what Mommee told you! You are going to be a good boy and agree to this! I want Lenny to go so he can take care of you!”

Lenny’s eyes grew big. “What the green hell?!? There is no way aye am going to take care of this re-”

Rachel gave Lenny a stern look, and all opposition he had to the whole concept faded. He knew that, with that one look, Rachel was telling him that if he didn’t go with Rufus, then she would be parting ways with him forever.

“Ok, ok…Aye’ll do it!”



Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson





All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom: The Videos pt. 1

Originally posted on my first blog, on October 30, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom: "The Videos" 1 of 2


Trodemus introduces the Haunted House of Doom to his guests!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows Wedding Footage

Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows Wedding Footage Coach Spurrier finally got married to Snigger the Horse today! Here is some exclusive footage from the wedding ceremony!


Spurrier at the Altar!


Spurrier says his vows!


Spurrier says I do!


Snigger Responds


Kiss the Bride!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Peepers' Pitt--Snowy Plain


Humphrey doesn't like the "W" word!

Peepers' Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 2 of 20: “Snowy Plain”
Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo shivered. He opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by whiteness. It was not the white light that had come from the giant apparition of Mr. Peepers back in the city however. No, this whiteness was cold, wet, and flaky. Humphrey was surrounded by…snow! He leapt to his feet, moving more quickly that he ever does. Humphrey knew that snow was not a good thing since he had slept out in such conditions many times before as a homeless man back on his own world. He wanted shelter, but there was none to be found in any direction! There was not a single structure or tree anywhere! Humphrey wondered how such a thing was possible. Then, he heard the crunching sound of footsteps on the snow behind him.

Humphrey turned to see Boris, the Russian solider, walking towards him. He stopped a few feet away from Humphrey, and put his hands on his hips. It appeared that the cold had no effect on him!

“Pree veet, Comrade! Is it not beautiful weather we are having?”

Humphrey glanced up at the tall Russian from his hunched over stance.
“Was w’ong with you? I’s a cold! It FREEZIN’ out here, man! We’s gots ta find shelter!”

Boris smiled. “Nonsense! No shelter is needed for one such as I! We shall go and find work!”

At the sound of the word, “work,” Humphrey flipped out! “WHAT?!? ARE YOU CRAZY, MAN? NO NO NO! I’s not w-w…do anything!”

Mr. Peepers, invisible to the pair, floated nearby. He liked what he was seeing. Maybe Humphrey would finally do something interesting!


In addition to writing this blog, I also draw caricatures! I am taking orders now! Contact me at awerty7@hotmail.com for more info.




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Shit Pitt--Spurrier's Wedding Preparation


Spurrier gets ready for his wedding!

Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows pt. 4 of 5: “Spurrier's Wedding Preparation”

Coach Spurrier stood in front of a mirror in the bathroom, checking himself out. The “Ol’ Cocky Coach” had scored a major victory, and was never more proud! However, winning a football game or finally being rid of Stephen Gardia wasn’t what had him feeling so great! Spurrier was so happy because today was to be his wedding day! He would marry the most beautiful creature he’d ever laid eyes on…Snigger the horse!

Spurrier had on a garnet suit and matching tie, to celebrate the school colors of the football team he coached! He smiled a big smile, and the skin of his leathery red face cracked and creaked from the effort. As his cheeks rose, his eyes squinted, revealing crow’s feet crevices that stretched down each side of his face, and showed his age. Spurrier thought to himself what a lucky old man he was, to have the opportunity to get hitched to a fine animal like Snigger!

Now that the rebellion had been forced to see that Spurrier had not kidnapped Snigger at all, there would be no one to stop the marriage, unless the Cowboy broke out of jail! The coach was half-expecting the Rosewood Cowboy to show up at the last minute, and try to reclaim his former horse! Spurrier felt confident that he’d be ready for him though, and that not even the Cowboy could stop him from marrying Snigger! They’d get married, and then ride off into the sunset together! Well, Spurrier would ride, and his “bride” would carry him! Spurrier was just thinking about riding Snigger bareback and buck naked when his thoughts were interrupted by the Reverend Reynolds!

“Spurrier, are ya almost ready?” Reynolds called to him from the other side of the bathroom door. “Yeah, I’m almost done! I hope that mah lovely bride is wearing his veil! Wanna make sure I get ta lift it up and give Snigger a kiss when we are pronounced Man and Horse!” With that, Spurrier ran out of the bathroom and went with Reynolds to the yard, where the ceremony would be held.

CHECK BACK HERE SATURDAY, 10/22/11 at 8 PM for a video of the wedding vows!



Purchase a copy of the Hand Held Hotties mini comic and support this blog! This issue features Mr. Peepers, who comments on a group of hotties that are displayed in pin-up format. Get it now for only $1.00! Created, written, and drawn by Joshua Dyson








All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, October 17, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Readiness of Rufus


Rufus IS ready for the priesthood!

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 2 of 5: “Readiness of Rufus”

It was time. The boy had grown into a man. Rufus the retard was ready--ready to become a MORMON PRIEST! He sat at the dining room table back at Rachel’s house, blabbering on about it between stuffing his face with mouthfuls of chocolate brownies.

“Mommee I weady! I tell Eldah Bwad when h-he ask! I weady to go go go b-because I ole enough!”

Rachel turned from doing the dishes in the sink to face her son.

“I know, Rufus. You’ve reached the age of 19, and are old enough to do the required work of a Mormon man by becoming a missionary!”

“Yes Mommee! I so e-excitedIthinkIpee!”

“What did you say?” Rachel looked closely at her son. Rufus held his head down.
“I sowwy Mommee…I g-get too excited and I pee!”

Rachel frowned. “RUFUS MICAH SMITH! Just when I think you’re going to finally grow up, you let Mommy down!”

Rufus jumped out of his chair and ran over to Rachel, getting down on his knees and grabbing her leg. “I sowwy, I sowwy Mommee! I be good an no pee no more…I pwomise!”

“It’s ok. Just remember what Mommy told you.”
“Y-yes…when I h-haveta pee…go stand up in fwont of towet bow and hold pee pee! I do it! I do it fwom now on!”

“Good boy. Mommy wanted to tell you that you were a really good boy in the meetings today, and because of it, Mommy is going to reward you with chocolate bars!”

Rufus jumped up and grabbed his head in excitement. “Weally? I gw-gwet chwocowate baws? B-but I t-tout you say they is…bad, bad, bad? They has c-caffeine in them!”

Rachel smiled. “Yes Rufus, chocolate bars do have caffeine, which makes it a sin for you to continue eating them…after tonight! This is your LAST night though, Rufus! You can’t be temple worthy if you eat any more, okay?”

“I-I understand, Mommee! I not pee and I not eat no mo chwocowate baws!”

“Good! Ok, in few days, you will go to the temple to get your endowment. After that, you’ll be going to the Missions Training Center in Utah to begin your education. You‘ll be away from Mommy a long time, and Mommy will miss you!”

“I miss you too Mommee!” Rufus hugged his mommee tightly. “I n-not wanna go!”

“Rufus, you know that you must do the work of a good Mormon man! Mommy has been saving for your mission for a long time, and if you go, it will make Mommy very, very happy!”

Rachel began to cry. “I know you will make Mommy proud!” Rachel then let go of her son and sat down on the other side of the dining room table. “Rufus, I don’t want you to be alone, so I talked with Elder Brad. I asked him about Lenny. He needs to learn as much as possible about Mormonism, so I got Elder Brad to approve something. I got him to agree to let Lenny go with you!

Rufus frowned. “WHAAA?”



Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson


All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom Video Tour

Originally posted on my first blog, on October 30, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom Video Blog Preview

Check out this video preview, created inside the Haunted House of Doom! What fearsome creatures await inside the Haunted House of Doom?


Josh takes a tour through the Haunted House of Doom!
"Haunted" music by Evanescence from the album,
Fallen © Copyright 2011 Evanescence




Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Peepers' Pitt--The Desert


Decaye, in a Desert?

Peepers' Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 1 of 20: “The Desert”
The Pumpkin-Headed Horror, Charlie Decaye, opened his eyes. He realized he was laying on the ground as he saw the sky above him. It no longer pure white as it had been when the glasses of the Mr. Peepers apparition had lit everything up. Decaye felt sand all around him, and it was clear he was no longer in the city. Decaye rose from the ground see that he was in a desert! Yet, this desert was not like any other ever seen. There was no overbearing heat since the temperature was perfect, and the lighting was normal except for the fact that there was no visible sun in the clear sky!

Decaye then heard a sound. He looked behind to see the EMT Man, squatting down. The insane man looked paranoid, as his eyes darted randomly around. He was nearly in the fetal position as he hugged his entire body close. Decaye went over and spoke to him, but the EMT Man just ignored him. He looked in many directions, but none of his glances fell upon Decaye. Decaye sighed. It was obvious Peepers had decided to split the group up, but for what purpose? All Decaye wanted to do was go home!

Nearby, Mr. Peepers floated, invisible to Decaye and the EMT Man. He smiled at the new possiblities and the interesting things that this new pairing would produce! Peepers hoped to learn much, and eventually gain more experience!


Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson






All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Shit Pitt--Innocent Man


Did Spurrier REALLY steal Snigger?


Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows pt. 3 of 5: “Innocent Man”

Coach Spurrier groaned painfully. A tremendous weight had come down upon him. The Alienated Alien, Optic Ink Eye, had leapt onto his back and driven him to the ground! The alien was very heavy, and Spurrier was just sure his back was broken. This had all happened because Optic Ink Eye and the rebellion had refused to let Spurrier marry the love of his life--the horse Snigger!

The rebellion intended to arrest Spurrier since he had “horsenapped” Snigger away from his owner and their friend, the Rosewood Cowboy. Now, Spurrier wriggled around. He realized he was still in one piece as Optic Ink Eye got off of him. Someone had just yelled “STOP” from the ranch house where the rebellion was living. Spurrier turned to see that it was the Reverend Reynolds!

Spurrier got upset and as Reynolds walked towards him. This was the guy who was truly the source of this whole situation! Reverend Reynolds was the only minister Spurrier could find to “hitch” himself and Snigger, so the Cocky Coach had to play by his rules. The first of those was that Reynolds would only marry them on the Rosewood Cowboy’s farm! The Good Reverend said that he could not leave since his work reforming the shitlings was at a critical stage! So Spurrier agreed and returned.

The Reverend Reynolds walked right up to Spurrier and put out his hand. “Welcome Spurrier!” Spurrier refused to shake his hand.

“What the hell is goin’ on here, Reynolds? Ya told me that ya’d marry me and Snigger with no trouble! I assumed that meant ya’d keep quiet about the weddin’!”

Reynolds sighed. “ Spurrier, I’m sorry, but the Good Reverend Reynolds cannot tell a lie! Johnny Pizzazz wanted to know what was going on and I told him the truth. They don’t like what you’ve done!”

“No shit!” Spurrier looked around at the Rebellion members still standing there, ready to take him in. “Ya’ll can sho as hell try, but ya ain’t takin’ me alive!”

Reynolds put a hand on Spurrier’s shoulder. “Spurrier, there is no need for that. For they cannot stop this wedding, and they cannot rightfully lock up…AN INNOCENT MAN!”

Pizzazz questioned this, and Reynolds explained that if Spurrier had truly “horsenapped” Snigger, then he would have caught him and taken the horse against his will! Since Spurrier was able to ride on his back, and the horse seemed to be assisting the Cocky Coach in their flight, there was no crime. Spurrier had merely met up with a friend and went on a long country ride! Reynolds laid it on thick, using his charisma to sway the rebellion towards his point of view. He did have a valid point. Snigger seemed to enjoy Spurrier riding on his back, and did not seem like he had been mistreated at any point during this experience. In the end, the rebellion had to back off, despite their objections. Spurrier got excited and gloated.

“I tol’ ya’ll…I’m gon’marry that horse, and their ain’t a damn thing ya’ll can do about it!”



Purchase a copy of the Hand Held Hotties mini comic and support this blog! This issue features Mr. Peepers, who comments on a group of hotties that are displayed in pin-up format. Get it now for only $1.00! Created, written, and drawn by Joshua Dyson








All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, October 10, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Steps to the Priesthood


Is Rufus ready for the Priesthood?

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 1 of 5: “Steps to the Priesthood”

Brother Brad was dressed up in his white buttoned shirt, black tie and pants. He wore a fancy name tag with the words, “Elder Brad” engraved on it, along with “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” beneath that. Elder Brad had been speaking to those in the priesthood meeting for quite some time, boring Lenny the Leprechaun to death with his talk. So far, he had talked about how every Mormon Man, ages 19-25 had a duty to serve in the priesthood, and that they should be prepared for it.

Elder Brad said that the first step to becoming a Mormon priest was to be worthy of it. Candidates for the priesthood should repent of any sin they might have, and live a good Mormon lifestyle. Apparently, this meant an abandonment of all the things Lenny loved! When Elder Brad said that they must live the law of chasity, Lenny cringed. He knew the no sex thing was going to come up! Rachel said it wasn’t like the Catholic priesthood, but at the moment, Lenny just couldn’t see how. How was joining the Mormon priesthood going to help him marry Rachel if he had to be chaste? Lenny was starting to get upset, and wanted to walk out.

Lenny’s plan to leave was thwarted, however, as Rufus, Rachel’s retarded son, slapped Lenny on the shoulder.

“You memmbah what I-I say! I tell mommee if you bad, and she nevah t-talk to you again!”

Lenny leaned back in his seat. He knew that he had to go along with this, and somehow become a Mormon! It was the only way he and Rachel were ever going to be a family! Yet, if he had to practice chasity, how was being Rachel‘s husband possible? Elder Brad then explained that the missions work of a priest only lasted 24 months. After that, the “priests” could return home and marry the Mormon woman (or women) of their choice! Lenny liked that of course! He loved Rachel, but if his religion said he could have more than one wife, then who was he to argue? Lenny seemed to be under the impression that going out on a mission guaranteed the reward of many wives after!

Elder Brad then snapped back in line, stating more about the rigorous parts of being a Mormon priest! Before becoming a priest, candidates had to be “temple worthy.” Evidently, Mormons had yet ANOTHER meeting place where only the worthy men were allowed to enter. Candidates for priesthood had to be sin free so they could enter, and receive their temple endowment before going on a mission as a priest! Lenny sighed. He was beginning to think this Mormon priest thing was a whole lot of unecessary work!
Elder Brad laid out many more requirements for the priesthood, including the cost and the required trip to Missions Training Center in Utah. He spoke for around 30 minutes longer before finally ending the meeting with a question. He asked if anyone was ready to receive their temple endowment. Rufus jumped up and yelled out.

“I WEADY ELDAH BWAD!”



Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson


All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom Players

Originally posted on my first blog, on October 28, 2010

New Ink Pitt--Haunted House of Doom pt. 2 of 4: “Haunted House of Doom Players

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, stood inside his psychic parlor before a trio of guests. In a line in front of him stood the players he had selected for his Haunted House of Doom! They included truck driver, Wilbur Hydrick, She-Peepers, and Rufus the retard! Nearby stood Trodemus’ bbw girlfriend, Belinda, and his loyal servants, the Potbellied Ninja and Dark Cat. Trodemus smiled at his players. He evidently felt that these three were the finest selection of individuals in all of the New Ink Pitt, perfectly suited for his Haunted House of Doom! The Prophet spoke. “So, Trodemus has gathered you all here because of your unique qualities….qualities that make you very valuable to his Haunted House of Doom! You, Wilbur Hydrick, with your truck-driving career, have most likely seen all kinds of freaks, haven’t you?” Wilbur Hydrick smirked. “Well ah shore have, Doom. Whut’s it to ya?” Trodemus rubbed his hands together greedily. “I want you to use that experience inside my Haunted House of Doom, Wilbur. Use it to become something horrifying!” Wilbur cleared his throat and then passed gas. “Well, ah’m shore ah can be plenty scary! Right now though, ah gots me some scary gas! Ya got a bathroom in this here joint? Ah need to let out more than just air!” Trodemus held his nose and pointed to the back where the bathroom was.


After a few moments of silence, during which the Potbellied Ninja opened a window to clear the stench from the air, Trodemus turned his attention to his second player, She-Peepers. This was the first-ever meeting of the Sanity-Slighted Seductress and the Prophet of Doom. Trodemus stared at her for a few moments, uncertain what she was about. She had sat down on the floor while Trodemus was talking to Wilbur, and was now busy admiring the knife she clutched like a priceless possession. In fact, She was so enamored with the knife, that she seemed to no longer recognize that there was anyone else in the room with her! “Pretty, pretty, pretty, you are my pretty slice…pretty slice..pretty slice…” She chanted the words over and over, addressing the knife as if it were a person! Trodemus spoke. “She-Peepers, your resume is perfect for this. You stalked Mr. Peepers when you first appeared, and made his life a living hell! You even kidnapped him, along with your husband, J-Diddy! Anyone who does that to Trodemus’ arch-enemy is a friend in the Prophet of Doom’s book! Seeing you here in person now though, is what makes me realize that your inclusion in this performance is a must! Welcome, She-Peepers!” She-Peepers looked up and said thank you, then went back to admiring her knife!

Next, Trodemus looked over at Rufus the Retard. “Rufus, a while back, you came into the Prophet of Doom’s psychic parlor, looking for help concerning your mommy and her boyfriend, Lenny the Leprechaun. I was unable to help you, and you did that thing you do. You ran around like the damn retard you are! Rufus looked upset. “Tha na funny!” Trodemus smiled. “It’s all right, Rufus. I am not making fun of you. The Prophet of Doom just wants to say that I appreciate what you do.” Rufus looked puzzled, like he always does. “Whaa?” Trodemus rolled his eyes beneath his cowl. “I appreciate you Rufus, and I want you to use your imagination to do what you do in the Prophet of Doom’s haunted house!” Rufus smiled and clapped his hands. “Uuuuhhh yayyy!! I wike pwetend!” Trodemus turned away and started lauging quietly. “Yes, Rufus, Trodemus knows! That is why he brought you here.” The toilet then flushed. Wilbur walked out of the bathroom and rejoined them. “All right, ya’ll what’d ah miss?” Trodemus turned to face them all once more. “Nothing, Mr. Hydrick. You are just in time to prepare for the first rehearsal! We shall also be discussing the roles you will be playing in the Haunted House of Doom!” Belinda then walked over to Trodemus, dressed in another one her tight outfits that showed off her cleavage! She kissed Trodemus passionately on the lips. Doom smiled bigger than ever! “Now we are ready to begin!”




Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson






All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers' Deus Ex Machina


Peepers is all-powerful in his Pitt!

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers' New Crew pt. 20 of 20: “Peepers' Deus Ex Machina”

After discovering Charlie Decaye was simply a census worker from another world and not a monster, Humphrey the Hobo and Birdy Nok Nok sided with him to find Mr. Peepers, who had brought them all to his Peepers’ Pitt. The trio traveled on foot until they finally reached the end of the woods where the Preeminent Peeper had placed them.

They exited the woods and found a train depot, along with Choo Choo Andrews, sprawled over the railroad track! Choo Choo was not hurt, but had merely fallen asleep in hopelessness over the fact that the only train had departed, and there were no signs of any arrivals. Decaye and Choo Choo shared what they knew about Mr. Peepers, and agreed that they must find him so they could get home. Decaye, Andrews, Humphrey, and Birdy then set out on their journey, as they followed the railroad track to who knows where…

Now, after several hours of walking, the group arrived at what looked like a small town. Buildings sprang up on both sides of a street, but there were only about five in total. Strangely, the railroad track they had been following ran right through the center of the street! It appeared that the street was not designed to accommodate anything aside from a train, and the parts not covered with track were only wide enough for a bicyle or motorcyle to ride on. Decaye, Choo Choo, and Humphrey walked along the street, while the bird-man, Birdy Nok Nok, flapped his wings in the air above. Suddenly, a large man came lumbering down the street, with a big smile on his face! The man told them his name was Boris, and that he was smiling because of the great time he had had at the local whorehouse run by Jervas Clinkscales! Humphrey and Choo Choo recognized Boris as the Russian solider who had appeared with them when they first arrived in this Peepers’ Pitt. Decaye, who frightened Boris somewhat with his pumpkin-headed appearance asked if the solider knew where they could find Peepers. Boris then told them of how Peepers had appeared out of nowhere and shocked them all. When Clinkscales tried to punch him, Peepers shoved him back with an incredible, invisible force that slammed him against the wall! Outmatched, Clinkscales then offered Lucy, his “number one ho” to the Preeminent Peeper, but Peepers had refused! Boris said he then vanished without even doing anything to the “number one ho!” He couldn’t understand how Peepers could have resisted Lucy!

After hearing Boris’ story, Decaye decided that they should meet Jervas Clinkscales and see if he had more information about where to find Mr. Peepers. Before they could act however, a strange man wearing nothing but his underwear came running up the street towards them! As he came closer, the letters “EMT” were visible, emblazoned on his forehead. It was the EMT man, whom Peepers had taken from an insane asylum on another world. The EMT man stopped a few yards away from the group and and began bouncing up and down and making odd noises. The sky overhead began to darken, and crackling energy resembling lighting flashed all around. Then, the face of Mr. Peepers, in apparition form and around 100 square feet is size, appeared in the sky!

“PEEPERS SEE YOU…HE SEE YOU ALL AND KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!” His voice was as loud as thunder and seemed to rumble the earth of Peepers’ Pitt. “PEEPERS’ WILL IS NOT YOUR OWN! YOU GO AGAINST WHAT PEEPERS HAVE PLANNED FOR YOU, SO NOW HE SHALL CORRECT YOUR WAYS! Peepers’ glasses glowed brighter than ever before as everything went white…




Purchase a copy of the Sammie Star mini comic and support this blog! Who is Sammie Star and why is he/she called the Androgynous Anomaly? Find out more about the character in this issue now for only $1.00! Created, Written, and Drawn by Joshua Dyson




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.