Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Shit Pitt--Neigh of Snigger

Snigger Speaks!

Shit Pitt--Showdown for Snigger pt. 1 of 5: “Neigh of Snigger”
The Rosewood Cowboy rushed into the hotel room before Spurrier could react, and punched the Cocky Coach right in the jaw! Spurrier fell backwards into a chair in a corner of the room. He grabbed his jaw in pain with one hand, while trying to cover his nakedness with the other. His plan to consummate his marriage to Snigger the horse wasn’t working out! Snigger hadn’t even had a chance to lick the salt block yet!

“Gonna give me mah damn horse back, Spurrier…NOW!” The Cowboy was in no mood to play around. He was fed up with Spurrier’s abuse of Snigger, and was ready to end the whole debacle!

“Why don’t ya shut up? I don tole you that you ain’t getting Snigger back! Me and him is married, and that makes him MINE!” Spurrier then jumped up out of the chair and ran at the cowboy! The naked old man moved quickly, surprising the Cowboy! He then attempted to land a punch of his own, but the Cowboy grabbed his arm. Spurrier struggled to get free, but could not break the Cowboy’s grip!

Suddenly, the Cowboy felt something hard against his leg. He looked down to see the standing pride of Spurrier still pointing perpendicular to his body! The Cowboy was disgusted and let go of Spurrier to get away!

“What the hell, man? Why is yore…thang…still doin’ that?!?”

Spurrier smiled. “Because I’m a virile ole coach! I got it, even at mah age, and seeing mah love over there keeps me full and burstin’ with energy!”

The Cowboy gritted his teeth. “Stop lookin’ at mah horse like that, damn it!!!”

While the Cowboy was distracted, Spurrier made a flying leap in his direction, sending them both down to the floor! Spurrier laid on top, naked and still excited, which pissed the Cowboy off terribly!

“Whatcha gon do now, Cowboy?!? I know ya don’t like this here naked coach on top of ya, but there ain’t nothing ya can do about it!”

The Cowboy reached for his pistol on his side, removing it from his holster. “Spurrier, that’s where you’re wrong!” Before the Cowboy could get off a shot though, Snigger let out a long neigh that caused both men to cease their confrontation!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Shit Pitt--Old Salt Block

Spurrier is proud of the old salt block!

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 5 of 5: “Old Salt Block”
Coach Spurrier jumped out of the bathroom, naked as a newborn! The Cocky Coach stood there in his birthday suit, before his new “bride,” Snigger the horse!

“Hea ah am, baby--ready to showya just how much ah love ya!”

Spurrier looked down at Snigger, who was still laying on the floor near the table in their hotel room. The horse didn’t seem to be interested, but his true intentions had been unclear since Spurrier took him out of the stable on a country ride that ended in their marriage!

“Ah know you is impressed, Snigger! Yore askin’ yoreself how someone like me can look so good,” Spurrier pointed down at his crotch, which was way more active than it should have been with no women in the room! “and how ah can have THAT right there!”

“Well let me tell ya a secret, honey. Ole Spurrier ain’t no spring chicken! No sir he ain’t! Ah know it’s hard to tell since ah look so much younger than mah age, but ah been around for awhile!”

Snigger snorted and looked at the ground.

“Ah know! It’s amazin’! Ta be as old as ah am and still look this good! But, Snigger, ah just want ya to know that this all for you! Ya get this body all to yoreself…every night…until death do we part, hell yeah!”

“Now baby, ah hope yore ready to consummate our marriage! Ah got us some condoms but ah figured that ya might wanna lick the salt block with no separation first, before we get inta the heavy stuff!”

Spurrier walked over to Snigger, and prepared to do something that was surely illegal in at least 45 states! Before Spurrier could act, however, the door to the hotel was flung open, and in the doorway stood the Rosewood Cowboy!

“Don’t ya dare lay another hand or any other body part on mah horse! It’s the end of the line, Spurrier! You and me is gonna have it out right now, and when I’m done, you'll surely regret EVER touchin’ mah horse!”

Spurrier clenched his fists. “Oh yeah? Bring it on, Cowboy!”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Shit Pitt--Naked, Dancing Cheerleaders

Even the Cowboy likes Naked, Dancing Cheerleaders!

Shit Pitt--Honeymoon Haul pt. 4 of 5: “Naked, Dancing Cheerleaders”
Connor Squaw and Markus Laddermore had the Rosewood Cowboy on the ropes! The star football players were beating him down in an attempt to stop his pursuit of their coach! Coach Spurrier had taken the Cowboy’s horse, Snigger, out on a country ride that resulted in marriage! With each blow that pummeled the Cowboy, his hope of saving Snigger began to fade.

Squaw and Laddermore were suddenly frozen in place as two naked women appeared from the nearby bushes! Music began to play, and the two women danced around provacatively! Even the Cowboy was stunned at the naughty display! It was the two cheerleaders they had been with earlier in the bushes. The football players quickly lost interest in the Cowboy, and ran to get some more action with the ladies! Both were blown off their feet by an awesome burst of energy that lit up the woods! Squaw and Laddermore lay fallen, as Betram Bunny, Optic Ink Eye and Johnny Pizzazz appeared from the bushes! Vinnie Love showed up as well, and put his arms around both the naked women, who seemed enamored with him!

The Cowboy struggled to his feet. “Nice energy burst! That you Pizzazz?”

“All me…the Mage of the Age, the Maestr--” Pizzazz was cut off.

“Save it! About time ya’ll showed up! Can’t believe ya’ll let Spurrier marry mah damn horse!”

Pizzazz spoke. “I told you, we couldn’t prove him guilty of kidnapping Snigger because the horse is going along with it!”

“He ain’t in his right mind. Spurrier is got some kinda control over ‘em! Gotta get ta ‘em before this gets any worse! Ah appreciate the assist, but ah gotta go!”


Spurrier slid naked out of the shower of the hotel room. His face may have been streaked red and leathery like a worn football, but his body was white and untouched by the elements. What it was touched with however, was old age. He was wrinkly everywhere and the Cocky Coach looked to be in his sixties! Yet…the man was as well-endowed as the horse he had married! Spurrier looked down at his full-on passion and smiled! He then whipped out a pack of condoms and prepared to meet his love outside the door!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Ink Pitt--Temple Recommend

Is Rufus Ready for his Endowment?!?"

New Ink Pitt--Lenny the Mormon pt. 5 of 5: “Temple Recommend”
Rachel’s minivan pulled up to the Mormon temple. In the passenger side sat Rufus, who was wearing a white suit! White clothing was a requirement for anyone wanting to enter the Mormon temple, and Rufus was no exception! He sat proudly in his seat, admiring his white suit.

“Yes, Rufus?”
“Wh-wh-what color dis?”
“Rufus, I’ve told you fifteen times…it’s white!”
“But, Mommee…it weally bwight! I can seee no color!”
“Rufus, it’s white…take Mommy’s word for it! Besides, you have more important things to worry about!”
Rufus stared blankly. “Wha?”

Rachel cleared her throat. “Rufus, you know why you’re here. Stop playing games with Mommy.”
“W-Where are we?” Rufus looked out the windows of the minivan like he was lost.
“Rufus, honey. We’re at the temple. Today you are going to prove your temple worthiness and get your endowment to become a Mormon priest!”

Rufus looked down at his shoes, which were also white. He had a huge frown on his face. “Momme, I-I DON’T WANNA GO!”
Rachel leaned over and hugged her retarded son, who was in tears. “Calm down, Rufus, you’re only going to be in there a few hours. Mommy will come back for you in a little while.”

“I promise. Lenny and I are going for a little drive while you’re in endowment. We’ll be back when you’re done.”
Also in the minivan, in the backseat, was none other than Lenny the Leprechaun, who was being forced by Rachel to go with Rufus on his upcoming missionary trip that would come after endowment. Rufus looked back at Lenny with hate in his eyes.
“Mommee, where you go with Lenny?”
“We’re going for a drive honey.”
Rachel sighed. “Rufus, it’s none of your business. Now what did Mommy tell you about endowment?”
Rufus stared into space a few seconds before getting an answer. “You say go and listen to Elders and do everything they say.”
“Promise me you’ll do that!”
“I pwomise, Mommee!”

With that, Rachel helped Rufus get out of the minvan, making sure he had his “temple recommend” card that was signed by Brother Brad. Without it, he would not be allowed to enter the temple. Rufus then ran up to the temple entrance and disappeared through the doorway.

Lenny crawled from the back seat and sat beside Rachel on the passenger side. “Well, lass, where are we drivin’, and are we going to be BAD, BAD, BAD?”
Rachel smiled, and put the minivan in drive. “You’ll see!”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.