Peepers' Pitt--Punker on the Run

Van Punker

Peepers’ Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 8 of 20: “Punker on the Run ”


Previously in the Peepers’ Pitt 
Rock star Van Punker had just performed the concert of a lifetime…but for an audience that wasn’t even real!  Omnipotent Peepers had placed him in a park and given him a stage and an audience that existed only in his mind!  After the concert, Van Punker found some real drugs and alcohol Peepers had created out of thin air.  These were to test Punker and see if it was true rock stars crave drugs and alcohol.  A short time later, Omni Peepers had his answer, as Punker lay passed out from his consumption!  Peepers became bored with Punker, and decided to send him off to have some more fun!  When Punker ended up in the bed of Lucy, Number One Ho, it was rockin and rollin all night for the pair!  Rockin’ and Rollin’--until the next morning, when pimp, Jervas Clinkscales, demanded a penniless Punker pay up!

Van Punker ran naked out into the empty street.  His red mohawk whipped in the wind as he traveled quickly down the sidewalk.  Punker had exited Lucy’s room in such a hurry that he left his full-body spandex suit he had been wearing behind!  Lucy’s pimp, Jervas, wanted Punker to pay up for his night with Lucy, but the rock star had no money--not even in his spandex suit!  

Punker looked for a place to hide, and finally decided to cut into an alley.  His move happened just as Clinkscales came out the doorway of his building, so the pimp failed to see Punker’s escape.  The purple garbed pimp looked around the barren street with a sneer.

“Yoo can’t hide from me, Man!  I gon’ fine ya, and then you gon’ pay up fo that fine piece’a ass you had!”

Clinkscales tapped his cane on the pavement as he walked along the sidewalk.  Lucy, Clinkscales “Number One Ho,” came running out of the building after him.  She grasped Jervas’ coat sleeve gently, getting him to turn and face her.

“Don’ hurt him, Jervas! He was kinda cute, an’ he made it more than five minutes with me!”  Ain’t many clients can satisfy me like he did!”

SMACK!  Jervas slapped Lucy right across the face, nearly knocking her down!

“Stupid ho!  Yoo wuzn’t suppozed to do no favors for clients I didn’t sen’ you!  Whut I wan’ know is, how in de hell he got up in yo room without me knowin’!”

Lucy rubbed her face and looked up at Clinkscales with a frightened glance.
“I dunno how he got there! I just opened my eyes and he was in my bed!  We started kissin’…and then one thing led to another!”

“Yoo is a dumb ho for sure!  Wun kiss from a man and yoo gets all weak-kneed and fall in love…Hos aint supposed to kiss or fall in love!  They’s supposed to f*#@!!  And most of all…HOS IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE MONEY!”

With that, an angry Clinkscales grabbed Lucy by the arm and pulled her close.  He then began repeatedly slapping her!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Peepers Pitt--Previously...

Peepers’ Pitt--New Crew Askew: “Previously...”

The CRUNCH was a universe-altering event that caused the destruction of the original Ink Pitt. Prior to the end, Mr. Peepers, along with his friends and enemies all escaped to a pocket universe known as the WHITESPACE. The Whitespace was a temporary place that could only be occupied for a short time. Eventually, the refugees of the Ink Pitt found their way into a new universe called the Sh*t Pitt. Mr. Peepers did not come through before the Whitespace ceased to exist, and was thought to be dead. Mr. Peepers did not die however, as he absorbed the energies of the Whitespace into himself, and became godlike! The infamous peeping tom gained omnipotent power and became the Preeminent Peeper! Upon his return, the newly-omnipotent Peepers toyed with his enemies such as Trodemus and the Hands of Time. He eventually became bored with this, and sought to gain the one thing he still lacked despite his great power--experience! In an effort to gain experience, Peepers created his own universe…his Peepers’ Pitt, and populated it with a group of strange individuals he could observe! Those individuals include:

 Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo
 Birdy Nok Nok, a bird man
Railroad man Choo Choo Andrews
Rock star Van Punker
Kamola, a fat Asian lady
A scientist known as the Mad Tinkerer and his robot creation
Charlie Decaye, a pumpkin-headed census worker from another world
Jervas Clinkscales, a pimp
Lucy, Jervas’ #1 ho
Boris, a Russian solider
The EMT Man, a mental patient with “EMT” stamped on his head

 Referred to as his “new crew,” these individuals were originally split up by Omnipotent Peepers, and sent to different parts of the Peepers Pitt. Recently, they all found their way to a single location in a city. Omnipotent Peepers acted fast to split them up once more, pairing up different individuals in new locations for his viewing pleasure…

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Peepers Pitt--Levitating Locomotive

Peepers’ Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 7 of 20: “Levitating Locomotive”

Choo Choo Andrews lunged forward with his arms outstretched. The railroad man had awakened to find himself on board a moving train--with Birdy Nok Nok in tow! The bird man was squawking and trying to fly inside the railroad car! Andrews was now attempting to catch him. His lunged proved unsuccessful, as Birdy leapt up and to the other side of the railroad car, near the doorway! Choo Choo gathered himself and prepared to make another attempt. Birdy just leapt out of his reach again and continued squawking! Andrews decided he needed to take another approach. Before he could do anything however, something caught his eye. He looked outside the window of the railroad car door, and saw something white and puffy! Choo Choo wiped his eyes and looked again. Was he really seeing…CLOUDS? He pressed up against the window and got a closer look. There was only one railroad car--the one they were in--and all around them were clouds! The railroad car was moving all by itself, as it FLEW THROUGH THE SKY!!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Peepers Pitt--Cold Calisthenics

Peepers’ Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 6 of 20: “Cold Calisthenics ”

Unbelievable! That’s what it was! Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo could not believe what he was seeing! Boris the Russian solider, unaffected by the cold of the snowy plain, was now RUNNING IN PLACE!

The man was clearly insane! At least that is what Humphrey thought as Boris continued his exercise. Since he was unable to find any work on the empty, snowy plain, the disciplined solider decided to prevent muscle atrophy by working his body! Large flakes of snow pounded into Boris, and the bitter cold grew more evident with the increasing wind. Boris would not be swayed from his work however, as he continued running in place for a space of 30 minutes! Humphrey felt tired FOR him, and would have laid down and gone to sleep after watching the first ten minutes of Boris’ pacing. He could not lay down however, since the snow continued to fall and there was no shelter!

Boris immediately followed his running with some truly extreme pushups! He dropped to the ground hard, crushing the snow under the grip of his huge hands! He then pumped his body up and down, grunting and counting as he went.

“Comrade Humphrey, would you not try some of the work? It is good!”

“Man you is crazy! I’s hungry and it cold and I’s need shelter!” Humphrey then sighed and began walking off to find something…ANYTHING other than Boris on the snowy plain!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Peepers Pitt--Peculiar Pedestrian

Peepers’ Pitt--New Crew Askew pt. 5 of 20: “Peculiar Pedestrian”

Charlie Decaye felt sad. What if he never got home? Despite appearances, the Pumpkin-Headed Horror was anything but. He was a kind man who had duties to his job and his family. He was a kind man…but with a mean face. His horrifying looks are what had influenced Mr. Peepers to bring Decaye to his Peepers' Pitt in the first place. The plan had been to use Decaye to stir up fear in the others already there, but Mr. Peepers had misjudged Decaye‘s nature, as so many in the Peepers' Pitt were doing. It was something Decaye was unaccustomed to, since having a “pumpkin” head in his universe was evidently normal.

Decaye stood on the sand of the faux desert, and turned to look back at the EMT Man. The mental patient was bouncing up and down again, switching from crouching to standing. Each time he stood, he stretched out his arms, then pulled them back and yelled out with an “awooo.” Decaye couldn’t figure him out, and didn’t intend to. He started walking off, hoping to distance himself from the insane man. Decaye soon noticed that the EMT Man was following him! Every five steps that Decaye took, the EMT man took two! Decaye was amazed that the EMT Man was now suddenly taking notice of his actions, unlike before, when all attempts at conversation or a single glance had failed. Clearly, there was more to this EMT Man than anyone could suspect! So Decaye walked onward, with the EMT Man as a peculiar pedestrian, behind.

Mr. Peepers, invisible to Decaye and the EMT Man, floated nearby, and flashed a smile!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

New Ink Pitt--Ghost Hunters

New Ink Pitt--The Haunting of Doom pt. 5 of 5 : “Ghost Hunters”

Trodemus sat at the small table in his bedroom, staring at the lamplight as he thought about what to do next. The writing on the mirror was clearly the work of the supernatural. Trodemus was now certain that he wasn’t imagining things, since Belinda had seen it as well. The question was, what should he do about it? Would a séance be enough, or would the Prophet of Doom have to resort to more extreme measures to get to the bottom of his “haunting?”

As Trodemus pondered, Belinda lay naked on the bed. Her man had lost interest in her since he was obsessed over figuring things out. Belinda smirked and posed sexily on the bed, but Trodemus would not be deterred. She sighed, and switched on the flat screen TV, just in time to catch yet another marathon of the “science fiction” show, “Ghost Hunters.” Belinda pulled a bag of potato chips from under the bed and began to munch down on them. She watched as two guys stumbled around in the dark and pretended to see, hear, and record ghosts! Belinda turned up the volume really loud. She then stretched out on the bed, with her back turned to Trodemus. Doom looked up from all the noise of “Ghost Hunters,” which was mostly the two guys questioning the “ghosts.” Trodemus was about to tell Belinda to turn the TV down, but all he could see was her nice big butt! It was enough distraction to cause him to look up momentarily past Belinda to the TV screen. It was then that he realized what “Ghost Hunters” was about and quickly got an idea!

“Belinda! I know what we will do! This will put an end to the ghost and prevent my business from failing! We will start a reality show just like the “Ghost Hunters!” It will be called…TRODEMUS: SEEKER OF SPECTRES!"

All characters, stories, photos and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

New Ink Pitt--Bathroom Mirror

New Ink Pitt--The Haunting of Doom pt. 4 of 5 : “Bathroom Mirror”

Belinda bounced up and down in the darkened room. The curves of her vuluptous body were outlined by the shafts of moonlight entering the window. Trodemus couldn’t be happier as he lay beneath her. She truly was the perfect woman for him, as her movements somehow satisfied him not only sexually, but also prophetically!

Trodemus could see the future as he he held his big beautiful woman and moved to meet her gyrations. He could see the future and he knew that they would both come. As sure as he rose and Belinda set, it was pleasure they would both get, and that when it was done that would be all--at least for the night. Trodemus and Belinda did not reach their destination however, as suddenly, Belinda stopped her movements.

“What’s that?”

Trodemus frowned. He was so close to the destination, and it was a terrible thing for Belinda to stop their progress at this moment!

“What’s what?” Doom looked up at his lady love. Her estactic faced had shifted to one of concern.

“Don’t you hear that? It sounds like water running.” Belinda lifted herself off of Trodemus, and the Prophet of Doom lost all hope of reaching the destination--for the moment. Belinda walked naked over to the closed bathroom door, while pointing to the light in the crack between the floor and the door itself.

“Did you leave the water running?” Trodemus let Belinda know that he had not, and that the only place there should have been running water was elsewhere! Trodemus got up and walked over to stand by Belinda, who seemed afraid to open the door. Doom put his hand around the door handle and turned the knob…

He swung the door open to reveal hot water running into the tub, and lots of steam filling the air. Next to the tub was a mirror that was fogged over, with the exception of some shapes that appeared there. The shapes were words, and they read:

“YOUR BUSINESS WILL END.”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.