New Ink Pitt--Return to the Haunted House of Doom

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 4 of 6:  “Return to the Haunted House of Doom”

DEATH returns!

 
After the $100 bill burst into flames, Trodemus was distraught.  For the first time, he truly believed that the haunting could cause his business to fail!  Money catching fire was not a game, and Trodemus placed all the money he had in his psychic parlor in a fireproof safe.  He kept one $100 bill in his cloak to test at another former site of paranormal activity--the Haunted House of Doom!

Trodemus realized that the warnings of his business failing from his dream, the appearance of “Death,” and the message on the bathroom mirror all lined up with what the other paranormal events were targeting--his profits and the things he had bought with them.  While the particular wine glass that flew across the restaurant had not been purchased by Trodemus, their meal had been, and it seemed that was the target.  Trodemus also discovered the vibrator had been purchased secretly by Belinda, but with money he gave her from his profits.

Of all the profits and purchases so far, the Haunted House of Doom was the biggest, and had gathered the largest amount of paranormal activity during its run.  Perhaps it was the true nexus of this haunting of Doom!  Since the paranormal activity increased in intensity when greater profits of Doom were offered up, Trodemus felt that raising the $100 bill inside the Haunted House of Doom would either cause a cataclysmic destruction of his profits, or disprove any supernatural haunting of his finances.

The Haunted House of Doom was an old abandoned home that Trodemus had rented for a few weeks with his Psychic Parlor profits.  He had spent more money on it than anything else in his business (since they were given the Psychic Parlor rent-free, courtesy of Stardust), but he had made even more off of it as the Haunted House of Doom!  Trodemus walked through the front door, and was followed by Belinda, the Potbellied Ninja, and the camera crew for SEEKER OF SPECTRES.

BELINDA--TRODEMUS’ ASSISTANT AND GIRLFRIEND

“So we returned to the old Haunted House of Doom to check it out.  Luckily, the landlord had no current tenants, so we had free access to the place.”

TRODEMUS--SEEKER OF SPECTERS

“Yes, I will continue to hold this $100 bill up as we make our way through the house.  The Seeker of Specters knows what he is doing!”

The group made their way through the entire house with no occurrences, and the EMF meter was unable to pick up anything.  Finally, they reached the back door of the house, where Trodemus had first encountered the ghost…and DEATH!  They had appeared before Trodemus on the last night of the Haunted House of Doom, and Death warned Doom that his business would indeed fail.  Trodemus walked out the back door, then turned to look back at the house.  Suddenly, the $100 bill he held in his hand withered away and became dust!  Then a dark mist rose between Trodemus and the house and grew until Belinda, the Potbellied Ninja, and the camera crew was completely obscured from view.  Out of the dark mist came…DEATH!

“Bah!  Death! The Prophet of Doom knows you are the cause of all this!  What other entity would have such motivation to bring my livelihood to ruin?”

Death spoke in a gravelly voice.  “Trodemus.  I do not cause the ruination of your business!  I am simply here to direct you.  The Haunted House of Doom is not the source of the haunting.  It lies closer to home.  You must look at those who would stand to gain from your loss, and read things, line for line!”

“Death, you speak in riddles!  Trodemus demands to know what you mean!”

Death then turned, and faded away with the dark mist, leaving Trodemus with more questions.  What did Death mean?  Who would stand to gain from the loss of his business?  Then, Trodemus had an epiphany!  He ran back into the Haunted House of Doom.

“Troddie, what’s wrong?”

Trodemus frowned.  “Belinda, we have to go!  Everyone! Back to the Psychic Parlor of Doom at once!  I have discovered just who is the cause of all this!  Chief Blacktoes is about to get some visitors!”

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 5-- Bingo Parlor Investigation
WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Restaurant Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 3 of 6:  “Restaurant Investigation” 

Trodemus uses a Trigger Object!

Trodemus, Belinda, and the camera crew walked into the restaurant.  It was the same restaurant Trodemus and Belinda had eaten at on the night they saw a wine glass fly across the room and smash against the wall.  That incident had been the first supernatural occurrence in the “Haunting of Doom.”  This fact now prompted Trodemus to believe that the restaurant was the origin site for the haunting, and it needed thorough investigation.

The wine glass incident was similar to the action of the vibrator in the bathroom.  After the vibrator fell to the floor, Trodemus checked the bathroom for signs of paranormal activity.  When nothing turned up, Trodemus remembered the wine glass in the restaurant, and made plans to go there for the investigation.

It was after hours, and the restaurant was closed.  Trodemus had contacted the restaurant owner about his new reality show, TRODEMUS, SEEKER OF SPECTERS, and he had granted them permission to film there.  Since the ghost seemed to have an affinity for objects, Trodemus decided to use a different device from the EMF meter to detect it.  It was what paranormal investigators call a trigger object, which is any inanimate object that is used to spur interaction with ghosts.  Trigger objects are usually items that the particular ghost has an attachment to.  Since the ghost seemed to be attacking Trodemus’ business, he placed several of his business cards on a guest table in the hopes that it would interact with them in some way.

“Now, Ghost!  Trodemus, Seeker of Specters commands your attention!  He has placed these business cards for Trodemus’ Psychic Parlor of Doom before you!  If it is your purpose to harm the Prophet of Doom’s business, then MOVE these cards from the table!”

Belinda was behind him near the kitchen area.  She found a menu and began to read it, excited about all the fancy food the restaurant had added since her last visit.  One of the camera men began to film her, as she once again had a low-cut, tight top on.  She was later interviewed in reality show fashion, about her thoughts on Trodemus’ attempts at finding the ghost in the restaurant up to that point.   When the show was finished, the bottom of the screen (below Belinda) would read:

BELINDA--TRODEMUS’ ASSISTANT AND GIRLFRIEND

“What do I think about Troddie being unable to contact the ghost here so far?  I dunno I’m hungry!  Have you SEEN the new food on this menu?!?”

“Maybe the ghost is shy or something?  If we’d come here during regular business hours, it might be more willing to interact, and I could place an order!”

Trodemus frowned.  “Bah!  Why does the ghost not move the business cards?  Is it because they were a tax write-off?  The Seeker of Specters has no time for this!”

“Give it some money, Troddie!  Everybody likes money!”  Belinda smirked over at her man from the menu she was reading.

Trodemus smiled back at Belinda, and thought to himself that pulling out some cash for use as a trigger object wasn’t a bad idea!  He reached into his cloak and pulled out a $100 bill!

“Ghost! See the Profit of D--” Trodemus was cut off mid-sentence as the $100 bill suddenly BURST INTO FLAMES!

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 4-- 
Return to the Haunted House of Doom 
WEDNESDAY, JULY 9, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Bathroom Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 2 of 6:  “Bathroom Investigation” 

Trodemus & Belinda "discuss" the vibrator

Trodemus held the whirring vibrator in his hand as he eyed it with suspicion.  He then looked over at his lady love.

“Belinda?  Is this yours?”

Belinda blushed slightly and looked away with a smile on her face.

“Umm well, yes it is, Troddie!  I um--forgot I had that!”

Trodemus frowned.  “I did not know you had a…vibrator.  I thought that the Pleasures of Doom were enough for you!”

Belinda looked guilty.  “Well, the pleasure you give me is enough, Troddie!  It’s just… sometimes I get lonely and…um… I need a bit more.”

“Bah!  Do not tell Trodemus that his Phallus of Fortune is insufficient to totally satisfy you!”

Belinda looked down at the floor.  “Troddie, I--”

“Not another word, Woman!  We need to go into the bathroom and investigate it for the ghost now!  We will discuss this later, away from prying eyes!”  With that, Trodemus put an arm around Belinda’s rather sizeable waist, and whisked her into the bathroom and shut the door behind!  The camera crew, Potbellied Ninja, and Dark Cat stood outside the locked bathroom.  They noticed that Trodemus had left his EMF meter on the bed.  How would he investigate the bathroom for the ghost without it?

Inside, Trodemus sat his lady love on the bathroom sink and began to investigate the new found pleasure of including a vibrator in their lovemaking.  He slid the now switched-off vibrator along the curves of her voluptuous form slowly and carefully.

“Ohh, Troddie! Mmmmm!”

“Now tell me,” Trodemus asked as he continued to rub the vibrator across Belinda. “where did you place this vibrator?”  Belinda licked her lips and pointed downwards.

“Ah! I thought so!  Well then, perhaps Trodemus can help you with it this time?”  Belinda shook her head as a big smile formed across her face.  Trodemus held the vibrator in the air, and switched it on.  Before he could move the vibrator to its intended destination, an invisible force took hold of it and knocked it out of Trodemus’ hand!  It flew across the bathroom and bounced off the wall before falling to the floor…

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 3--Restaurant Investigation 
WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Bedroom Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 1 of 6: “Bedroom Investigation” 

Trodemus & Belinda search the bedroom!

Trodemus of Doom, his lady love Belinda, Potbellied Ninja, and the Dark Cat all walked into a darkened room.  Behind them was a 3-person camera crew, set to film the first episode of the new ghost-hunting reality show, TRODEMUS: SEEKER OF SPECTERS!

Trodemus was hell-bent on finding out all he could about the ghost that had been haunting him, and was equally adamant about making some money off of his findings with the reality show!  In his desperation, and for entertainment purposes, Trodemus decided to momentarily dispense with a psychic approach to finding the ghost (as this had not been working anyway) and go with something more scientific.  Trodemus whipped out a strange device from under his cloak.

“Oooh Troddie, is that what I think it is?” Belinda licked her fat lips in anticipation of using them on her man.

Trodemus smirked.  “No, Belinda.  It is not that.  The Prophet of Doom cannot show that on tv!”  Belinda giggled.

“This is an EMF meter.  Since the ghost has somehow made itself invisible to the psychic powers of Doom, I shall be using it to see if there are any odd fluctuations in the electromagnetic field, possibly caused by our ghost!”

Belinda walked closely behind Trodemus as he leaned over with the EMF meter like Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.  She was wearing another one of her tight-fitting corsets, which squeezed her large breasts and pushed them up.  Trodemus had insisted she wear it for tv, because it had gotten them many clients in the past.  One could only imagine what it would do for the ratings of the show!

“Ghost!  Doom will find you!  If you have displaced any energy, this meter will tell us!”

Belinda got in front of the camera and whispered, “My Troddie displaces me every night!  Sometimes I can’t find my bra or panties anywhere!”

“I’m getting some readings!  There seems to be an unusual amount of energy coming from under the bed!”  Trodemus got down on his knees and waved the EMF meter slightly above the floor.  “The readings are getting stronger!” Trodemus slid the meter under the bed and became aware of a whirring sound!

“What is that?  Trodemus asked.  Do you hear it?”  Belinda smirked.  “What?  Did someone pass gas?”  She smiled over at the Potbellied Ninja, who looked away.  “Ninja, did you fart?”

“Silence!  Trodemus almost has it!  It seems the ghost has made itself solid!  Hah!  It surrenders before the psychically scientific mind of Trodemus!  Come out, Ghost, and show your true form to all who watch!”
Trodemus drew it out from under the bed and held it in the air.  It was no ghost, but something else entirely.  In Trodemus’ hand was a long, pink vibrator!!

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 2--Bathroom Investigation
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--End of the Battle

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 3 of 3:  “End of the Battle” 

GLADEMUS, PROPHET OF OPTIMISM!

Peepers was struggling for his life!  The once-godlike Peepers was now at the mercy of another powerful being, in the form of the gargantuan Kamola!  Kamola held Peepers tightly in her massive fist over her head and seemed to be preparing to eat him!!

Suddenly, a white light appeared behind Kamola.  It grew brighter and brighter until everything was enveloped in it.  Peepers thought that it was very similar to the white light that had briefly separated him from the perfect woman.  In that moment, Peepers realized that the people in his Pitt had not acted alone in fooling him.  There had been some high-powered help, and Peepers suddenly realized who it was!

The white light lessened a bit, and a white cloth appeared.  It was the same cloth that had rescued Humphrey and the others from where Peepers had placed them, and it was also the cloth that had appeared with the toilet that created the Crunch.  The dark silhouetted figure appeared as well!  Peepers shook his head in disbelief over not having foreseen this! Only one person could steal his Whitespace powers from him…the creator of the Whitespace himself…GLADEMUS, Prophet of Optimism!!

The silhouetted figure was aware of Peepers’ discovery of his identity, as he now wielded the godlike power of an entire universe!  Glademus was again one with the Whitespace!  He dispelled the darkness around himself and was revealed to all!  Below, Humphrey, Charlie Decaye, and the others looked up in awe at Glademus!

“KAMOLA!  Stop!  Do not eat Peepers!  GLADEMUS, Prophet of Optimism has spoken!”  Glademus floated through the air over to where Kamola held Peepers in her grasp.

“So, how are you?”  Glademus smirked.

“Peepers should have known it was you!  You disappear after leading us to Whitespace, long before Peepers absorb its power!  Peepers assume you gone for good!”

“That’s sad!  Peepers, you know Glademus doesn’t do sad!  Farewells are that way, which is why I didn’t tell any of you goodbye!”

Peepers squirmed around in Kamola‘s fist.  “Peepers not care!  Peepers like you even less than your counterpart…Prophet of Doom!  How you find Peepers, take his power, and fool him?”

Glademus laughed.  “Well, it was easy!  The Whitespace belongs to me!  It came out of my overwhelming optimism, and desire to be positive in ALL situations!  I can sense it no matter where I am in the universe!”

“I’m just such a nice guy that I let you borrow it for a time!  Taking the power back was easy, since it’s mine!  As for fooling you, I just used the Whitespace power to make you see what you wanted you to see!  The “Perfect Pitt Challenge” was fun to watch, even if it wasn’t real!”

Peepers glared. “Peepers not like being watched!  That Peepers’ job!  So you came back and got your power!  Now get Peepers down from here!!!”

Glademus motioned to Kamola and she lowered Peepers to the ground.  She then shrank down to normal size (which was still slightly overweight, but in the right places), and was raised up off the ground by Glademus.  He pulled Kamola in for an embrace and long, passionate kiss!

“How’d I do, honey?” Kamola asked.
“You did great, my love!  Such an optimistic performance!”  Glademus smiled.  Peepers looked perplexed.  The hungry, giant monster of a woman who had tried to eat him a few moments ago was now talking and making out with Glademus?!?

Glademus explained. “Kamola was my “mole” in this whole operation.  I used her to distract you while I rescued those you’d exiled to those environments.  She’s also my wife!  I allowed you to see her on our world when you “took” her for your Peepers’ Pitt.”

“Peepers not like being played, Glademus!  He have all-power here, and then you come and spoil Peepers’ fun!  How Peepers ever get experience if he not able to control people here?”

Glademus smirked at Kamola and then looked back at Peepers.  “You’re going to get plenty of experience, Peepers!  After that first interaction with those you’ve brought here, I took a large amount of your Whitespace power.  I still allowed you to retain a very small portion of it, which is why your outfit, glasses, and hairstyle have changed.  You are now in a gray area between who you were and who you became as the godlike Peepers.  During this time, you will be exiled with those you brought here, so that you may get true experience, by interacting with your victims.  Enjoy!”

With that, Glademus and Kamola vanished, leaving Peepers standing in the middle of an upset group of Peepers’ Pitt castaways who were ready to enact some vengeance on him…

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 1--CREW INVESTIGATION
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers v.s. Kamola

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 2 of 3:  “Peepers vs. Kamola” 

Peepers gets an eyeful of Kamola!

Kamola, the fat Asian lady, stood naked and several stories high!  She was a bit odd before, but her sudden growth spurt had made her even more unusual!  Last time Peepers had seen Kamola, she was sleeping in her hut after a period of self-pleasure.  Peepers was not sure how Kamola had grown into a giant, but it was certain that she didn’t have his best interests at heart!

The giant Kamola looked around as if she was unaware of anyone else.  She then lifted a fat hand and reached around to scratch her butt!  She let out a sigh of relief that shook the buildings!  She then lifted both hands up in front of her, and moved them closer to her chest.  Peepers’ eyes grew big beneath his glasses as her palms hovered over the largest pair of breasts he’d ever seen!  She then looked down at them and smiled.  The next moment, and her hands were covering her gigantic mounds!  Peepers licked his lips and wiped sweat away from his forehead!  Was Kamola a nympho, and was Peepers about to witness the world’s largest peep show?!?  Kamola’s face suddenly changed as her smile became a frown.  She looked down at Peepers with her big red eyes.  She then turned around, showing the whole world her gigantic bare butt, and let out a thunderous fart that rocked the street and sent Peepers flying backwards!

Peepers lay on the ground,  recovering (and coughing from the stench) just in time to see Kamola groan like a beast.  She cut her red eyes at Peepers, and then punched a building with one of her giant fists!  The building crumbled, and filled the air with falling rubble.  Kamola moved closer, as she took out another building with her fists.  With every step, the ground shook and her obese body flopped around, much to the disgust of Peepers!  Kamola had assets for sure, but she was far from the perfect woman in his mind!  She finally stood directly over Peepers, and beat her breasts with her hands, not in pleasure, but in primal dominance over the capture of her prey.  A moment later, and she reached down and grabbed Peepers up in her huge hand.  Peepers struggled to get free, but Kamola’s fat fingers held him tightly.  He tried to use his godlike powers, but as before, he was unable to access them!  What had the interaction with the others on the street done to him?

Kamola held Peepers close up to her face, and looked him over with her giant, red eyes.

“Kamola!  Put Peepers down!  Peepers know you like him, but this not work out!  Peepers appreciate get more woman, but Kamola too large!”

Kamola gritted her teeth in anger at the comment, and then lifted Peepers up above her head as she opened her mouth and spoke the words…

“KAMOLA HUNGRY!”

NEXT:  END OF THE BATTLE
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 11, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers v.s. Interaction

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 1 of 3:  “Peepers vs. Interaction” 

THE LAST BATTLE PHOTOS BY MR. PEEPERS

CELLOPHANE BY CELLOPHANE THE BAND

The Last Battle?  Peepers pondered this term as he got up from the ground.  There had been no first battle in his Peepers’ Pitt, so how could there be a last one?  More importantly, was everything involving Trodemus and Johnny Pizzazz in his Pitt just as false as his episode with the “perfect woman?”  Such a deception, capable of fooling the godlike Peepers, would take great power to orchestrate.  None of the inhabitants in Peepers’ Pitt possessed such power, yet there they stood, claiming to have Peepers’ “number.”

“Peepers perplex.  How Charlie Pumpkin headed Census worker get Peepers’ number?  Also, what he plan to do with it?   Peepers hope you not prank call Peepers!”

Charlie Decaye frowned, though it was difficult to tell since he always has what looked like a scowl on his face.  “Peepers, we finally know how to defeat you!”

Peepers smirked.  “Yes, and Peepers throw all his nudie magazines away tomorrow!  Peepers glad Charlie joke with him, since he have serious issue to tell him about his census information!  Peepers lie and say several girls in nudie magazines actually live with Peepers!”

Choo Choo Andrews, railroad man, stepped up.  “It’s true!  We know how to defeat you, and then we’re all goin’ home!”

“Peepers think you been riding rails too long, Choo Choo!  Peepers is all-powerful here in his Peepers’ Pitt!  You may have fool Peepers into believing Trodemus/Pizzazz and Perfect Woman scenarios, but you make one mistake--you not defeat Peepers when he distracted!”

“We’s gon’ stop you, and then I’s gon go home and get sometin’ to eat!”  Humphrey began to hobble over towards Peepers.

“Squawk! Squawk!” Birdy Nok Nok agreed.

“You said my Lucy had a dirty hoo ha!”  Jervas Clinkscales chimed in.  “You gon’ pay for insultin’ mah numbah one ho!”

Boris the Russian, Lucy, Van Punker, and all the rest began to surround Peepers.  Peepers laughed at them.  There was nothing they could do to contain or defeat his godlike power!
Peepers concentrated, and waited for his glasses to glow with godlike energy as it had so many times before.  Peepers was shocked when nothing happened!

The mob surrounded Peepers, and grabbed hold of him, pushing themselves up against Peepers in a great violation of personal space!  Though they were not physically harming him (yet) the sudden barrage of unwanted human contact was just too much for Peepers!  It had been so long since he’d had this much interaction!  Perhaps he’d never had this much!  Peepers detested this loss of control as he was forced out of his observational role into interaction!   He grew claustrophobic at the closeness of the bodies around him.  His fear grew until he finally screamed and let out a flash of white energy that propelled everyone away from him.

Peepers looked around to see all his opponents in this “last battle.”  They had fallen, but no harm had come to them from the energy.  Peepers smirked.  This meant they would learn their lesson and he could go back to observing them.  He then looked down at his outfit.  It was not longer white, with a black eye design on it, as it had been since he gained the godlike power of the whitespace.  It was now gray!  Peepers felt his hair to notice it had changed as well!   His trademark bangs had somehow been lifted into a bizarre fauxhawk!  His glasses also felt strangely, and he removed them to see that they no longer had white lenses, but had now changed to orange and green!

Peepers did not comprehend what had happened, but did not have time to ponder it further, as a very loud crashing sound filled the air!  The ground shook each time the sound was heard.  A moment later, and Peepers realized that his “last battle” was not over yet, as the giant figure of Kamola, the Thai lady, appeared from behind a building…

NEXT:  PEEPERS V.S. KAMOLA!
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!

Newsletter Versions

E-mail Version $2.00 USD  Print Version $6.50 USD

 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental