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| What does Rufus the Retard have to do with the Crunch? |
“I see you doubt the power of this toilet!” The shadowy figure that had rescued Humphrey and the others from exile spoke, but was nowhere to be seen. However, a toilet and the glowing white cloth were visible to those gathered in the whorehouse of Jervas Clinkscales. The voice of the shadowy figure said the toilet was a device of destruction that caused an event called the Crunch. This Crunch ended the universe known as the Ink Pitt.
“This may look like what is referred to as a toilet and it is, but it is not just any toilet! It is a toilet designed by a race of aliens who had interactions with a godlike being known as Tolyactemus.” The glowing white cloth began to show images of the aliens and Tolyactemus on it.
“Tolyactemus used that race of aliens and their slaves, the Inkeyes, to search out rare minerals in many universes. The aliens would then extract the minerals to feed Tolyactemus’ hunger! Tolyactemus and the aliens invaded the Ink Pitt, but were destroyed, leaving only one Inkeye and this toilet! The toilet fell from their ship, and ended up being used accidentally by a most confused individual.”
The voice of the shadowy figure continued. “This confused individual is known as Rufus the Retard. Rufus, who is not the brightest person, found the device and mistook it for a regular toilet. He also got confused about the normal use of a toilet, and kept it for weeks without using it, preferring to call it his sweetie and admiring it. Eventually, Rufus did use the device, making ‘useful romance’ and activating it. That is when the Crunch began. Next, I shall tell you what happened during the Crunch, and how it involves Mr. Peepers…
NEXT: From the Crunch to the Whitespace
WEDNESDAY, November 20, 2013 at 9 PM!
All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations
All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental
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