Peepers' Pitt--Habitat for Humphrey

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 9 of 12:  “Habitat for Humphrey” 

Will Humphrey build a home?

“Humphrey, you need a home!”  Johnny Pizzazz smiled down at the hobo, who was still lying in the alley next to a trash can.

“A home? This home!”  Humphrey pointed all around to show that the alley was his home.

“But Humphrey, with this hammer, you can do something magical!  You can build yourself a better home, with four walls around you!”

“Pfft.” Humphrey scoffed.  “Home’s right here!  I’sa got everything I needs! Now go ’way, Johnny Pizzazz!”

Pizzazz knew it was going to be difficult to motivate the hobo into action again, so it was time to take drastic measures!  He took out his trusty microphone and placed it near his lips.  He then tilted his head back to say these words…

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time once again for…the Catalyst of Character, the Mage of the Age, the Maestro of Magic….JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!!!!”  Pizzazz then shot sparks from his wand, which caused Humphrey to stir.

“Whose you talkin’ to, man?”  Humphrey looked around from where he lay, to see if anyone else was there.

“Humphrey…Johnny Pizzazz is here…to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  It begins with your new home!”  Pizzazz then used his wand to project an image of a huge house.  “THIS…could be YOUR house, Humphrey!  You could live here!”

Humphrey took one look and curled back up on the ground to continue his nap.  Pizzazz was frustrated, and slapped his wand on the trash can near Humphrey.  Sparks flew out and shocked Humphrey slightly!  The hobo jumped up and ran further into the alley.

“Listen here, Hobo!  You’re going to get up and build yourself a home, or Johnny Pizzazz is going to unleash all his magic against you!  Lift yourself up out of poverty, man…or else!!!”

NEXT:  BIRDY ATTACK ATTACK
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Training Birdy

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 8 of 12:  “Training Birdy” 

Can Trodemus train Birdy?

Teledeception, for lack of a better term, literally means the projection of a deception.  It is one of Trodemus’ greatest powers, as he has used it successfully in the past to defeat his enemies.  Trodemus had always used teledeception as a weapon until now.  With Birdy Nok Nok, he was using teledeception to create a weapon!

“Birdman!  The angry faces you see are your enemies!  They laugh at you…and call you names!  Your greatest enemy of all is the one with the tall red hat that carries a microphone!”

Birdy squawked as the images of the faces projected into his mind by Trodemus were joined by the face of Johnny Pizzazz!

“Squawk indeed!  His name is Johnny Pizzazz, and he wants to hurt you!  He is a loudmouth that goes around playing tricks on people, especially birdmen like you!”

Birdy seemed to understand as he squawked repeatedly and swiveled his head all around while flapping his wings crazily!

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom smiled.  Teledeception was working!  “Pizzazz is off somewhere, training a protégé of his own to come and attack us!  We must prepare for them, as they could arrive at anytime!”

Birdy was getting all worked up as he continued flapping and squawking.  That is when Trodemus turned things up a bit by making the image look as if it really was Pizzazz and the angry faces in person.  He had the image appear to be coming at Birdy.

“He’s here! Pizzazz is here!  Don’t let him get you Birdy!”

The Birdman flapped and thrust his beak forward, penetrating the air.  Trodemus stood a ways off and watched his new weapon at work…

NEXT:  HIDEAWAY FOR HUMPHREY
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 19, 2014
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Humphrey Makes an Idit

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 7 of 12:  “Humphrey Makes an Idit” 

Humphrey with his IDIT!

Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo frowned.  He really did not want anything to do with the hammer Johnny Pizzazz was trying to give him.

“Take it.  Standing up was the first step.  Taking this hammer is the second.  With this tool, you can work yourself out of poverty.”  Pizzazz flashed a smile that quickly faded as Humphrey began to howl in anguish.

“What’s wrong?!?”  Pizzazz asked.

Humphrey stopped howling and put his hands over his ears.  “NO! NO! NO! I dinnit hear dat!  Not the “w” word!”

Pizzazz smirked.  “You mean, WORK?”

Humphrey howled once more.  “YES! Dat word!!  I don like that word!  Don make me do it, Johnee Pizzazz!  Just lee me ‘lone man!”

Pizzazz then sat down with Humphrey in the alley, and gave him a 30-minute explanation on why work is not a bad thing, and why the hammer was a great tool to start with.  He impressed Humphrey with the creativity of construction, and sparked a bit of inspiration within the hobo.  After this, and the promise of some magic tricks by Pizzazz, Humphrey finally took the hammer.  Pizzazz then presented him with a bag of nails--which frightened Humphrey at first due to their sharpness--and some pieces of wood to practice on.  He showed the hobo how to hammer a nail, and then left him alone to build something on his own.

An hour later, Pizzazz returned to see what Humphrey had built.  The hobo presented a strange construction of 3 boards nailed together.

“What is it, Humphrey?”
“It’s an IDIT!”
“A what?”
“An IDIT!”
“What’s an idit?”
“This is!”  Humphrey looked frustrated.
“Oh.  Well what does it do?”  Pizzazz looked frustrated as well.
“Huh?”
“It has to do something in order to be useful.”

Humphrey was getting upset.  “It not have to be useful!  You say be creative!  I be creative, and now I tired!  I gon go to sleep with my idit!”  He swung the attached boards around a few times to show that the construction did in fact move, just to show Pizzazz the idit did have at least one nice quality.  He then lay down by his trash can again, passed gas, and then proceeded to go to sleep.

Pizzazz sighed.  He’d hoped for more, but he realized that it was only Humphrey’s first experience with a hammer, wood, and nails.  He decided to make Humphrey’s next lesson in carpentry a more challenging one, in order to inspire him to do better.

Nearby, invisible to Pizzazz and Humphrey was the godlike Mr. Peepers.  He was somewhat fascinated because Humphrey had done something constructive.  Maybe Pizzazz could turn the hobo around after all!

NEXT:  TRAINING BIRDY
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2014
THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Teledeception with Birdy

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 6 of 12:  “Teledeception with Birdy” 

Trodemus, using the power of Teledeception!

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, stared at Birdy Nok Nok, the birdman.  He had released his telekinetic hold on Birdy, which had saved them both from falling over the ledge of the building they were on.  Trodemus now knew Birdy Nok Nok was the protégé Peepers had given him.  He also knew the task he had to perform with Birdy to defeat Johnny Pizzazz.  Peepers wanted Birdy Nok Nok to be evil, and Trodemus knew he could make him exactly that!

“Birdman!  I am Trodemus, Prophet of Doom!  You will obey me, as I am your teacher, and you are now my protégé!”

Birdy squawked and flapped him arms, which had feathers growing from them.  It seemed that he understood.  Trodemus smiled and silently congratulated himself at his persuasive prowess.  Birdy then let out a huge squawk, and pooped on the rooftop where they stood!

“Bah!  That is disgusting!  Trodemus will not have you soiling things like that!  Perhaps you are not bad, but you are certainly filthy!”

Birdy continued to squawk, and trampled around in the defecation with his clawed bird feet.  He then began to claw at it, and sent some flying in Trodemus’ face!

“Aghhh!!  The smell!!  Stop it!!!  Trodemus commands you to stop…NOW!!!”  Trodemus then used his power of teledeception to project a false image of himself.  To Birdy, it appeared that Trodemus had disappeared.  The birdman moved his head around frantically in all directions to see exactly where Trodemus had gone.  Doom then got an idea.  He decided that using teledeception would be the best way to manipulate Birdy into doing his bidding.  Trodemus rubbed his hands together and smiled, thinking of how easy it was going to be to defeat Johnny Pizzazz and his protégé now!  He then used his teledeception to present Birdy with an image of angry faces.  Birdy squawked in fear as Trodemus laughed.

NEXT:  HUMPHREY MAKES AN IDIT !
TUESDAY, MARCH 4, 2014!  
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Humphrey Learns a Trade

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 5 of 12:  “Humphrey Learns a Trade” 

Humphrey gets the tool he needs!

Johnny Pizzazz smiled at his new protégé, Humphrey, the Hunchback Hobo!  It had only been 10 minutes since the Maestro of Magic met him, but already Pizzazz could see his influence on the poor homeless man!  Humphrey was standing up against the wall, and had lifted himself from his seat beside the trash can.  It appeared Humphrey was ready to take on the world and become a productive and successful individual…just as soon as he finished the bag of potato chips Pizzazz had made magically appear!

“Humphrey, I have been sent here to help you.  Getting you to stand up was the first step.  Now that I’ve given you something to eat as you asked, we can get started!”

Humphrey looked over at Pizzazz from his bag of potato chips with squinted eyes.  He then slowly slid back down the wall into his former seated position beside the trash can.

“Humphrey, no!  You must get back up!  You have to lift yourself out of poverty and become productive!”

Humphrey snorted.  “Leave me alone Jonnee Pizzazz!  I full now and I tired!  Time to go to sleep!”

Pizzazz thought for a moment.  He needed something to shock Humphrey into action.  He then pulled his top hat from his head, waved his wand around the brim, and said some magic words.  Suddenly, the whole alley lit up as magical fireworks sparked from his hat!  Humphrey jumped up out of fear, and was once more standing!

“Ey man!  Stop it!  Too bright! Don like all dem lights!”  Humphrey held his arms over his face to block the bright light from his eyes.

Pizzazz promised to stop if Humphrey would listen to him.  Humphrey agreed, and waited for Pizzazz to speak.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, Humphrey!  I have something that I know will help you become more productive and make you succeed!  This is for you!”  Pizzazz then pulled a hammer from behind his back.

NEXT:  TELEDECEPTION WITH BIRDY!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Trodemus Meets Birdy Nok Nok

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 4 of 12:  “Trodemus Meets Birdy Nok Nok” 

Trodemus & Birdy Nok Nok!

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, in his new green cloak, appeared on top of a building.  He looked around to figure out where he was.  Other building rooftops surrounded him.  He looked over the edge of the building he stood on, but could not see any street below!  How high up was he that there was no visible ground below?!? What had Mr. Peepers gotten him into?

A sudden squawk from behind would answer part of his question.  Trodemus turned to see a creature fly quickly from the other side of the rooftop towards him!  The creature had the body of a man, but the head of a…bird!  It was Birdy Nok Nok, his new protégé, though Trodemus had no idea.  Birdy Nok Nok was coming so fast, he would be sure to send them both hurtling over the edge of the rooftop if Trodemus did not act fast!

“Halt, Creature!  Trodemus, the Prophet of Doom, commands it!”  Trodemus stretched out a hand, and using his telekinetic power, halted Birdy Nok Nok in midair.  “Now…who, or what, are you?”

Birdy squawked, but his bird noises were nothing Trodemus could understand.  A flash of white light appeared beside them, and the head of Mr. Peepers appeared!

“Trodemus…this your new protégé!  Meet Birdy Nok Nok!  He bird man that not do his original job of aggravating people here!  He aggravate a hobo but then become his friend!  Peepers not like!  He want Birdy to cause much trouble!  It your job to make him bad!  Make him bad like you, Trodemus!  Peepers know if anyone can make Birdy loathsome, it you!”

Peepers then vanished, leaving Trodemus and Birdy staring at each other.

NEXT:  HUMPHREY LEARNS A TRADE!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

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E-mail Version $2.00 USD  Print Version $6.50 USD

 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Pizzazz Meets Humphrey

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 3 of 12:  “Pizzazz Meets Humphrey”

 Johnny Pizzazz appeared in a back alley.  Where had Mr. Peepers transported him to within the Peepers’ Pitt and who was to be his protégé?  The answer would come quickly, as Pizzazz suddenly stumbled across the legs of a man seated next to a trash can.

“Eyy!  Geddoffa mah leg, man!”  The man, wearing a blue sweatshirt and matching stocking cap, was none other than Humphrey, the Hunchback Hobo!

Pizzazz glared down at the misshapen man, noticing that he was a hunchback!  “Please forgive me, sir.  I didn’t know you were there.  I’m looking for someone, but I’m not quite sure who it is.”

Humphrey snorted.  “Well leeme alone so’s I can go back to sleep!”  Pizzazz stared at Humphrey a bit longer and wondered if this was the “protégé Peepers had sent him to meet.  He turned away to contemplate on the matter.  Suddenly, the floating head of Peepers appeared!

“Yes, Johnny Pizzazz!  This man that you make your protégé!  You must make Humphrey interesting!  Perhaps you can make him useful in some way!  He stupid homeless hunchback that need some discipline!  Peepers have faith in you, Pizzazz!”  With that, Peepers disappeared.

Pizzazz looked back at Humphrey and was inspired!  It reminded Pizzazz of the time when Shithead had taken over the Shit Pitt and put an end to his magic act!  Pizzazz became homeless until the Hands of Time helped him recover.  A tear formed and slid down the cheek of the Maestro of Magic!  Pizzazz vowed that he would help poor Humphrey, and make him the most successful individual ever!

NEXT:  TRODEMUS MEETS BIRDY NOK NOK!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

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Newsletter Versions

E-mail Version $2.00 USD  Print Version $6.50 USD

 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental