Sh*t Pitt--Spurrier & Snigger

Coach Spurrier vows that he and Snigger the horse will never be parted!

Sh*t Pitt--Snigger's Save

Coach Spurrier & Snigger on the run!


Spurrier & Snigger pt. 3 of 3: “Snigger's Save”

Spurrier sweated profusely. The Cocky Coach was in a serious situation, and he didn’t know what to do! He was on the back of the Rosewood Cowboy’s horse, Snigger, who galloped down the road at full speed! Snigger’s speed was not enough however, as the Rosewood Cowboy had caught up with them in his pickup truck! Even worse, the Cowboy was now less than ten feet away and had his pistol pointed dead at Coach Spurrier! Spurrier’s mind raced and a lump grew in his throat as he saw the Cowboy pull the trigger!

BANG!

Everything had gone black for a second, and Spurrier realized it was only because he had closed his eyes in anticipation of being shot! He opened his eyes to find himself whole and unhurt. He looked around and realized that the Cowboy was no longer directly behind them, as Spurrier heard the noise of the truck in the distance. Spurrier looked down at Snigger, who had stopped running, and was now standing in the road. The horse had darted to one side at the last minute, and saved Spurrier’s life! The Cowboy had been unable to stop and continued down the road. Spurrier smiled and felt up Snigger’s neck at the realization at what the animal had done.

“S-Snigger! Y-you saved mah life! Ah should’a had a hole in me right now! Thank ya, boy! You really do care about me, don’tcha?” Snigger neighed, and Spurrier smiled.
The Cocky Coach then leaned over and wrapped his arms around the horse’s neck.

“Ah love you too Snigger! Gonna make you mine, no matter what that ole Cowboy does! You and me is soulmates! Nothin’ can come between us!”

Spurrier’s moment with Snigger was halted at the sound of screeching tires. The Rosewood Cowboy’s truck had finally come to a stop down the road. He turned and looked out the window back at Spurrier with rage on his face! He then kicked his truck in reverse, turned around, and began speeding up the road towards Spurrier and Snigger! Before Spurrier could act, Snigger went nuts, standing on his hind legs and almost throwing the Cocky Coach off his back before bolting into the woods on the side of the road. Spurrier held on tightly as Snigger moved quickly through the woods. The Cowboy tried to drive his truck after them, but ended up running into a tree! He was uninjured, but his capture of Spurrier and Snigger would be delayed for quite some time! Snigger and Spurrier continued through the woods, to who knows where!

Join my mailing list and receive art postcards featuring my characters! Send your postal address in message form on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Dyson/39603993 or email to awerty7@hotmail.com

All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

Shit Pitt--Spurrier & Snigger

The Rosewood Cowboy wants his horse back!


Shit Pitt--Spurrier & Snigger pt. 2 of 3: “Pickup Pursuit”

Coach Spurrier flew with wild excitement down the road! On the back of Snigger, the Rosewood Cowboy’s horse, Spurrier felt anything was possible! The mighty beast galloped with an insane fury along the dirt road leaving the Cowboy’s farm. His rider, the Cocky Coach himself, was thrilled! Longing to once more feel the unusual bond between himself and the horse, Spurrier had sought Snigger out, and “horse-napped” him!

Spurrier had taken Snigger from the Cowboy’s farm, but the horse had put up no resistance at all! It seemed like Snigger was more than happy to let the old coach ride on his back, and direct him wherever Spurrier wanted. Spurrier’s ability to “coax” Snigger was uncanny indeed.

“YEE HAWW GIDDYUP SNIGGER! YOU FINE BOOGER YOU!” Spurrier held Snigger’s bridle with one hand, and smacked the horse’s butt with the other. He was having the time of his life! “WE GON’ HAVE US A GREAT TIME!”

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out from behind, and a bullet shot past Spurrier, barely missing the bill of his trademark visor while his head was turned to the side! Spurrier looked back, and saw an oversized pickup truck! It was Chance Clemens, the Rosewood Cowboy, in hot pursuit of his stolen horse and Spurrier! Clemens pointed a shiny pistol out of his truck window. “Who…the hell…do ya think yew are? Try ta..take mah horse--gon’ pay…the price!” He took some more shots, but missed. The Cowboy then spat out the window as he pressed his foot all the way to the floor, speeding the pickup truck up! Spurrier got scared. No matter how fast Snigger could run, there was no way he could outdistance a pickup truck! The truck grew closer until it was right up behind Spurrier and Snigger. Snigger struggled to outrun it, but it was impossible. Spurrier turned to see the Cowboy barely ten feet away from him, pointing his pistol. He pulled the trigger once more…

Join my mailing list and receive art postcards featuring my characters! Send your postal address in message form on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Dyson/39603993 or email to awerty7@hotmail.com

All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

Pitt Report--Rachel on Lenny's Lifestyle

New Ink Pitt--Lenny’s Lifestyle pt. 5 of 5: “Rachel on Lenny’s Lifestyle”
Lenny continued to kick, punch, and stomp the man beneath his small frame. The leprechaun had gotten really “peesed off” when the man had tried to make time with Lenny’s lady--none other than Rachel the Mormon mommy! A headbutt to the groin had sent the man down, and now Lenny was unleashing his Irish fury!

“Thought ye was a big tough guy! Ye were gonna stab me with yuir little bottle! What in the green hell is wrong with ya? This Leprechaun too much for ye?”

Rachel watched in horror as the man began to cough up blood from all the blows he was taking from Lenny. She was on her cellphone, trying to reach Brother Brad. When he answered her call, Rachel told him the whole story and asked him to come down to the Irish pub and take her home. The call finished, Rachel ran over to Lenny.

“STOP IT LENNY--NOW!”

Lenny ceased his actions, and turned to look up at the beautiful, fair-skinned redhead he had given his heart to! His heart raced at the sight of her, and most of his anger left. Surely she would be moved by his efforts to protect her, and give him a kiss!
“Lenny, I’m leaving.” Rachel then turned to walk away. Lenny jumped off the man and ran after her.
“Rachel? What do ye mean? I took care of this bastard--now we can get back to havin’ fun!”
“No. I’m going home. You’re so violent, and your lifestyle is too different.”
“What are ye talkin’ about? I beat this guy up to protect ye! I did it for ye!”

“I know, Lenny, but I can’t be with someone who lives like this! All the fighting, drinking, and sexual advances are not…appropriate. It’s not a fitting lifestyle for a good Mormon woman.”

“Rachel…I was just trying to show ye a good time! Please don’t leave me!”
“No. It hurts me to my heart, but I have to go. I can’t be part of this. God, if only you were a Mormon. Maybe then it would work out.” Rachel then walked out of the pub, leaving Lenny behind.

Support this blog and my other artistic efforts by purchasing a comic! THE PITT REPORT: INK PITT SAVANNAH is on sale at www.awertystudio.com

The Pitt Report updates Mondays and Tuesdays!
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

Pitt Report--Fightin' Irish

New Ink Pitt--Lenny’s Lifestyle pt. 4 of 5: “Fightin Irish”

Last time, Lenny attempted to get Rachel to relax in the Irish pub by showing her an Irish dance. Rachel was impressed by Lenny’s moves and was finally starting to enjoy herself! The fun was short lived, however, as a man in the pub tried to flirt with Rachel! When the man put his hand on Rachel, Lenny got “peesed off,” and demanded that the man leave her alone. The man refused, and grabbed Rachel’s arm, which sent Lenny into action!

Now, Lenny stood facing the man, ready to fight! The man held a broken beer bottle, and pointed the sharp edges in the direction of the leprechaun.

“Ya bit me, ya little bastard! Ya gonna pay for that!” He started to move forward, but before he could make a single step, Lenny ran under the man’s legs! The man looked down.
“What ya tryin’ ta do? Ya ain’t gonna get away from m--” The man quickly grabbed his crotch as Lenny ran out from under him with a grin on his face. Lenny had headbutted the man in the crotch! The man fell to the floor in pain! Lenny walked around with his little chest stuck out. He then jumped up on the man’s back and started trash-talking!

“Well, well, well…what we got here? A big bleedin’ buffoon! Thought ye was a tough guy and ye was gonna beat the little leprechaun up, didja? Ye sure don’t know me well do ye? Let me introduce meself. Me name is Lenny the Leprechaun, and I don’t get beat easy! But…when it comes to beatin’--I raise more green hell than a banshee on her period!” Lenny then began to pummel the man with his fists and feet, punching and kicking him senseless! Rachel, who was horrified at the sight of Lenny so violently beating the man, took her cellphone and called the one person she knew could help--Brother Brad!

Support this blog and my other artistic efforts by purchasing a comic! THE PITT REPORT: INK PITT SAVANNAH is on sale at www.awertystudio.com

The Pitt Report updates Mondays and Tuesdays!
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

Pitt Report--Horse-napped!

Spurrier and Snigger!

Shit Pitt--Spurrier & Snigger pt. 1 of 3: “Horse-napped”
The last time we saw Spurrier, he was fighting alongside the rebellion in final battle against Shithead, the Demon of Defectation! The Cocky Coach had been instrumental in the outcome of that war, by successfully freeing two individuals who had set into motion the fall of Shithead--Vinnie Love and Betram Bunny! Vinnie and Betram had used the Rosewood Cowboy’s four-legged barking reform technique to shrink Shithead back to his normal size. Betram was then able to defeat Shithead by eating him up!

Spurrier had not gone alone on his rescue mission however, as he had rode on the back of Snigger, the Rosewood Cowboy’s horse! After a drunken pep talk to the rebellion, Spurrier had “coaxed” Snigger the horse into allowing the Cocky Coach to ride on his back. This was probably due to the fact that Snigger wanted to rescue his master, but Spurrier, who has often stated his love for animals, thought it was something more!

Now, Spurrier walked quietly towards the horse barn on the Rosewood Cowboy’s farm. Night had fallen and everyone was asleep. It was the perfect time for Spurrier to put his plan into action! Spurrier grinned, showing yellow teeth! His leathery skin stretched and strained, leaving cracks that would never go away! Spurrier had been in the sun so often with his football players, that his face was as red as the garnet color his team loved! His grin grew impossibly larger as he came to the stall where Snigger was held. Spurrier had enjoyed riding Snigger and it had made him proud as they worked together to rescue their friends! Spurrier felt there was a special bond between them, and he had come to continue that relationship!

“There ya are! Mah goodness you's a fine animal, Snigger! Ah missed ya, boy! Didja ya miss me too?”

Snigger had been sleeping, but awoke as Spurrier began to stroke his belly.

“Yeah, we had a good thing together, Snigger! We can have it again too!” Snigger neighed a bit.

“Don’t cha wanna go out for a ride, boy? Let me tell yew something...Coach Spurrier don’t take no crap, and Snigger, you ain’t no crap! You is a mighty fine animal, and it is an honor ta RIDE you! Ah’m gonna have you all to myself…now, and FOREVER!”

Spurrier continued to talking to Snigger, once again “coaxing” him, until he was able to put a bridle on, jump on his back, and ride him out of the stable! The Rosewood Cowboy heard the trotting of Snigger’s hooves leaving the farm, and ran out, but it was too late! Spurrier and Snigger were gone, vanishing into the darkness of the night!

Join my mailing list and receive monthly art postcards featuring my characters! Send your postal address in message form on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Dyson/39603993 or email to awerty7@hotmail.com

The Pitt Report updates Mondays and Tuesdays!
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

Pitt Report--Irish Dancing

Lenny wants Rachel to Dance with him!

New Ink Pitt--Lenny’s Lifestyle pt. 3 of 5: “Irish Dancing”
Lenny leapt off his stool, drunkenly dragging Rachel by the hand behind him. The leprechuan had been failing at getting his lady love to have a good time in his environment, but he hoped that some Irish dancing would change that!

“Now, Lass ye will be feelin lots better after ye’ve tried this!”

Rachel pulled her hand out of Lenny’s and looked around. Everyone was watching them as they stood there in the middle of the Irish pub. They were quite an odd pair. Rachel, with her striking red hair and perfect figure, towered above Lenny at a height of 5’3.” Lenny was more like 3’5.” Rachel stood apart from Lenny, uncertain about things. She just wanted to leave and get away from the sinfulness that surrounded her.

Lenny could not be detered from his pursuit however, as he kicked out one of his little legs and began to dance! The Lecherous Leprechaun quickly proved that he had much more than naughty behavior in his arsenal when it came to impressing the lasses! He danced up a storm, and appeared as if he was floating his feet moved so fast! Rachel actually began smiling when she saw how talented her leprechaun lover was! Lenny turned his back on Rachel for one instant, and a man walked up to proposition her! The man was obviously upset that Rachel was there with Lenny.

“Hey babe…c’mon over here and let me buy ya a drink!” The man smelt of beer and he got right up behind Rachel and put an hand on her shoulder in order to lead her away from Lenny. Lenny turned just in time to see this and quickly stopped dancing!

“What in the green hell do ye think ye’re doin’? That be ME lass ye are accosting!” Lenny began walking up the man to stop him.

“Shut up ya little turd! Babe like this deserves a REAL MAN!” The man caught Lenny off guard, and shoved him down to the floor!

“Lenny!” Rachel squirmed and struggled to get free of the man, who had now caught one of her arms in his firm grip. Lenny quickly got to his feet.

“Sir, I ask that ye please don’t do this!” The man just laughed at Lenny and began pulling Rachel away. Lenny got angrier as he spoke again. “Sir if ye don’t stop, I will be forced ta bring harm to ye!”

The man laughed again. “What can a little shrimp like you do to ME?” Lenny smiled, and without saying another word, sprang into action! Rachel was free in the next moment, as the man released his grip after Lenny took a bite right out his leg! The man crawled over to a bar stool and cursed Lenny. He then broke a bottle over the bar and pointed the sharp edges remaining at the leprechaun. “You’re gonna pay for that, shrimp!”

Join my mailing list and receive monthly art postcards featuring my characters! Send your postal address in message form on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Dyson/39603993 or email to awerty7@hotmail.com

The Pitt Report updates Mondays and Tuesdays!
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) 2011 Joshua Dyson