New Ink Pitt--Bathroom Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 2 of 6:  “Bathroom Investigation” 

Trodemus & Belinda "discuss" the vibrator

Trodemus held the whirring vibrator in his hand as he eyed it with suspicion.  He then looked over at his lady love.

“Belinda?  Is this yours?”

Belinda blushed slightly and looked away with a smile on her face.

“Umm well, yes it is, Troddie!  I um--forgot I had that!”

Trodemus frowned.  “I did not know you had a…vibrator.  I thought that the Pleasures of Doom were enough for you!”

Belinda looked guilty.  “Well, the pleasure you give me is enough, Troddie!  It’s just… sometimes I get lonely and…um… I need a bit more.”

“Bah!  Do not tell Trodemus that his Phallus of Fortune is insufficient to totally satisfy you!”

Belinda looked down at the floor.  “Troddie, I--”

“Not another word, Woman!  We need to go into the bathroom and investigate it for the ghost now!  We will discuss this later, away from prying eyes!”  With that, Trodemus put an arm around Belinda’s rather sizeable waist, and whisked her into the bathroom and shut the door behind!  The camera crew, Potbellied Ninja, and Dark Cat stood outside the locked bathroom.  They noticed that Trodemus had left his EMF meter on the bed.  How would he investigate the bathroom for the ghost without it?

Inside, Trodemus sat his lady love on the bathroom sink and began to investigate the new found pleasure of including a vibrator in their lovemaking.  He slid the now switched-off vibrator along the curves of her voluptuous form slowly and carefully.

“Ohh, Troddie! Mmmmm!”

“Now tell me,” Trodemus asked as he continued to rub the vibrator across Belinda. “where did you place this vibrator?”  Belinda licked her lips and pointed downwards.

“Ah! I thought so!  Well then, perhaps Trodemus can help you with it this time?”  Belinda shook her head as a big smile formed across her face.  Trodemus held the vibrator in the air, and switched it on.  Before he could move the vibrator to its intended destination, an invisible force took hold of it and knocked it out of Trodemus’ hand!  It flew across the bathroom and bounced off the wall before falling to the floor…

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 3--Restaurant Investigation 
WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

New Ink Pitt--Bedroom Investigation

New Ink Pitt--Seeker of Specters pt. 1 of 6: “Bedroom Investigation” 

Trodemus & Belinda search the bedroom!

Trodemus of Doom, his lady love Belinda, Potbellied Ninja, and the Dark Cat all walked into a darkened room.  Behind them was a 3-person camera crew, set to film the first episode of the new ghost-hunting reality show, TRODEMUS: SEEKER OF SPECTERS!

Trodemus was hell-bent on finding out all he could about the ghost that had been haunting him, and was equally adamant about making some money off of his findings with the reality show!  In his desperation, and for entertainment purposes, Trodemus decided to momentarily dispense with a psychic approach to finding the ghost (as this had not been working anyway) and go with something more scientific.  Trodemus whipped out a strange device from under his cloak.

“Oooh Troddie, is that what I think it is?” Belinda licked her fat lips in anticipation of using them on her man.

Trodemus smirked.  “No, Belinda.  It is not that.  The Prophet of Doom cannot show that on tv!”  Belinda giggled.

“This is an EMF meter.  Since the ghost has somehow made itself invisible to the psychic powers of Doom, I shall be using it to see if there are any odd fluctuations in the electromagnetic field, possibly caused by our ghost!”

Belinda walked closely behind Trodemus as he leaned over with the EMF meter like Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.  She was wearing another one of her tight-fitting corsets, which squeezed her large breasts and pushed them up.  Trodemus had insisted she wear it for tv, because it had gotten them many clients in the past.  One could only imagine what it would do for the ratings of the show!

“Ghost!  Doom will find you!  If you have displaced any energy, this meter will tell us!”

Belinda got in front of the camera and whispered, “My Troddie displaces me every night!  Sometimes I can’t find my bra or panties anywhere!”

“I’m getting some readings!  There seems to be an unusual amount of energy coming from under the bed!”  Trodemus got down on his knees and waved the EMF meter slightly above the floor.  “The readings are getting stronger!” Trodemus slid the meter under the bed and became aware of a whirring sound!

“What is that?  Trodemus asked.  Do you hear it?”  Belinda smirked.  “What?  Did someone pass gas?”  She smiled over at the Potbellied Ninja, who looked away.  “Ninja, did you fart?”

“Silence!  Trodemus almost has it!  It seems the ghost has made itself solid!  Hah!  It surrenders before the psychically scientific mind of Trodemus!  Come out, Ghost, and show your true form to all who watch!”
Trodemus drew it out from under the bed and held it in the air.  It was no ghost, but something else entirely.  In Trodemus’ hand was a long, pink vibrator!!

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 2--Bathroom Investigation
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--End of the Battle

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 3 of 3:  “End of the Battle” 

GLADEMUS, PROPHET OF OPTIMISM!

Peepers was struggling for his life!  The once-godlike Peepers was now at the mercy of another powerful being, in the form of the gargantuan Kamola!  Kamola held Peepers tightly in her massive fist over her head and seemed to be preparing to eat him!!

Suddenly, a white light appeared behind Kamola.  It grew brighter and brighter until everything was enveloped in it.  Peepers thought that it was very similar to the white light that had briefly separated him from the perfect woman.  In that moment, Peepers realized that the people in his Pitt had not acted alone in fooling him.  There had been some high-powered help, and Peepers suddenly realized who it was!

The white light lessened a bit, and a white cloth appeared.  It was the same cloth that had rescued Humphrey and the others from where Peepers had placed them, and it was also the cloth that had appeared with the toilet that created the Crunch.  The dark silhouetted figure appeared as well!  Peepers shook his head in disbelief over not having foreseen this! Only one person could steal his Whitespace powers from him…the creator of the Whitespace himself…GLADEMUS, Prophet of Optimism!!

The silhouetted figure was aware of Peepers’ discovery of his identity, as he now wielded the godlike power of an entire universe!  Glademus was again one with the Whitespace!  He dispelled the darkness around himself and was revealed to all!  Below, Humphrey, Charlie Decaye, and the others looked up in awe at Glademus!

“KAMOLA!  Stop!  Do not eat Peepers!  GLADEMUS, Prophet of Optimism has spoken!”  Glademus floated through the air over to where Kamola held Peepers in her grasp.

“So, how are you?”  Glademus smirked.

“Peepers should have known it was you!  You disappear after leading us to Whitespace, long before Peepers absorb its power!  Peepers assume you gone for good!”

“That’s sad!  Peepers, you know Glademus doesn’t do sad!  Farewells are that way, which is why I didn’t tell any of you goodbye!”

Peepers squirmed around in Kamola‘s fist.  “Peepers not care!  Peepers like you even less than your counterpart…Prophet of Doom!  How you find Peepers, take his power, and fool him?”

Glademus laughed.  “Well, it was easy!  The Whitespace belongs to me!  It came out of my overwhelming optimism, and desire to be positive in ALL situations!  I can sense it no matter where I am in the universe!”

“I’m just such a nice guy that I let you borrow it for a time!  Taking the power back was easy, since it’s mine!  As for fooling you, I just used the Whitespace power to make you see what you wanted you to see!  The “Perfect Pitt Challenge” was fun to watch, even if it wasn’t real!”

Peepers glared. “Peepers not like being watched!  That Peepers’ job!  So you came back and got your power!  Now get Peepers down from here!!!”

Glademus motioned to Kamola and she lowered Peepers to the ground.  She then shrank down to normal size (which was still slightly overweight, but in the right places), and was raised up off the ground by Glademus.  He pulled Kamola in for an embrace and long, passionate kiss!

“How’d I do, honey?” Kamola asked.
“You did great, my love!  Such an optimistic performance!”  Glademus smiled.  Peepers looked perplexed.  The hungry, giant monster of a woman who had tried to eat him a few moments ago was now talking and making out with Glademus?!?

Glademus explained. “Kamola was my “mole” in this whole operation.  I used her to distract you while I rescued those you’d exiled to those environments.  She’s also my wife!  I allowed you to see her on our world when you “took” her for your Peepers’ Pitt.”

“Peepers not like being played, Glademus!  He have all-power here, and then you come and spoil Peepers’ fun!  How Peepers ever get experience if he not able to control people here?”

Glademus smirked at Kamola and then looked back at Peepers.  “You’re going to get plenty of experience, Peepers!  After that first interaction with those you’ve brought here, I took a large amount of your Whitespace power.  I still allowed you to retain a very small portion of it, which is why your outfit, glasses, and hairstyle have changed.  You are now in a gray area between who you were and who you became as the godlike Peepers.  During this time, you will be exiled with those you brought here, so that you may get true experience, by interacting with your victims.  Enjoy!”

With that, Glademus and Kamola vanished, leaving Peepers standing in the middle of an upset group of Peepers’ Pitt castaways who were ready to enact some vengeance on him…

NEXT:  SEEKER OF SPECTRES  pt. 1--CREW INVESTIGATION
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers v.s. Kamola

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 2 of 3:  “Peepers vs. Kamola” 

Peepers gets an eyeful of Kamola!

Kamola, the fat Asian lady, stood naked and several stories high!  She was a bit odd before, but her sudden growth spurt had made her even more unusual!  Last time Peepers had seen Kamola, she was sleeping in her hut after a period of self-pleasure.  Peepers was not sure how Kamola had grown into a giant, but it was certain that she didn’t have his best interests at heart!

The giant Kamola looked around as if she was unaware of anyone else.  She then lifted a fat hand and reached around to scratch her butt!  She let out a sigh of relief that shook the buildings!  She then lifted both hands up in front of her, and moved them closer to her chest.  Peepers’ eyes grew big beneath his glasses as her palms hovered over the largest pair of breasts he’d ever seen!  She then looked down at them and smiled.  The next moment, and her hands were covering her gigantic mounds!  Peepers licked his lips and wiped sweat away from his forehead!  Was Kamola a nympho, and was Peepers about to witness the world’s largest peep show?!?  Kamola’s face suddenly changed as her smile became a frown.  She looked down at Peepers with her big red eyes.  She then turned around, showing the whole world her gigantic bare butt, and let out a thunderous fart that rocked the street and sent Peepers flying backwards!

Peepers lay on the ground,  recovering (and coughing from the stench) just in time to see Kamola groan like a beast.  She cut her red eyes at Peepers, and then punched a building with one of her giant fists!  The building crumbled, and filled the air with falling rubble.  Kamola moved closer, as she took out another building with her fists.  With every step, the ground shook and her obese body flopped around, much to the disgust of Peepers!  Kamola had assets for sure, but she was far from the perfect woman in his mind!  She finally stood directly over Peepers, and beat her breasts with her hands, not in pleasure, but in primal dominance over the capture of her prey.  A moment later, and she reached down and grabbed Peepers up in her huge hand.  Peepers struggled to get free, but Kamola’s fat fingers held him tightly.  He tried to use his godlike powers, but as before, he was unable to access them!  What had the interaction with the others on the street done to him?

Kamola held Peepers close up to her face, and looked him over with her giant, red eyes.

“Kamola!  Put Peepers down!  Peepers know you like him, but this not work out!  Peepers appreciate get more woman, but Kamola too large!”

Kamola gritted her teeth in anger at the comment, and then lifted Peepers up above her head as she opened her mouth and spoke the words…

“KAMOLA HUNGRY!”

NEXT:  END OF THE BATTLE
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 11, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers v.s. Interaction

Peepers’ Pitt--The Last Battle pt. 1 of 3:  “Peepers vs. Interaction” 

THE LAST BATTLE PHOTOS BY MR. PEEPERS

CELLOPHANE BY CELLOPHANE THE BAND

The Last Battle?  Peepers pondered this term as he got up from the ground.  There had been no first battle in his Peepers’ Pitt, so how could there be a last one?  More importantly, was everything involving Trodemus and Johnny Pizzazz in his Pitt just as false as his episode with the “perfect woman?”  Such a deception, capable of fooling the godlike Peepers, would take great power to orchestrate.  None of the inhabitants in Peepers’ Pitt possessed such power, yet there they stood, claiming to have Peepers’ “number.”

“Peepers perplex.  How Charlie Pumpkin headed Census worker get Peepers’ number?  Also, what he plan to do with it?   Peepers hope you not prank call Peepers!”

Charlie Decaye frowned, though it was difficult to tell since he always has what looked like a scowl on his face.  “Peepers, we finally know how to defeat you!”

Peepers smirked.  “Yes, and Peepers throw all his nudie magazines away tomorrow!  Peepers glad Charlie joke with him, since he have serious issue to tell him about his census information!  Peepers lie and say several girls in nudie magazines actually live with Peepers!”

Choo Choo Andrews, railroad man, stepped up.  “It’s true!  We know how to defeat you, and then we’re all goin’ home!”

“Peepers think you been riding rails too long, Choo Choo!  Peepers is all-powerful here in his Peepers’ Pitt!  You may have fool Peepers into believing Trodemus/Pizzazz and Perfect Woman scenarios, but you make one mistake--you not defeat Peepers when he distracted!”

“We’s gon’ stop you, and then I’s gon go home and get sometin’ to eat!”  Humphrey began to hobble over towards Peepers.

“Squawk! Squawk!” Birdy Nok Nok agreed.

“You said my Lucy had a dirty hoo ha!”  Jervas Clinkscales chimed in.  “You gon’ pay for insultin’ mah numbah one ho!”

Boris the Russian, Lucy, Van Punker, and all the rest began to surround Peepers.  Peepers laughed at them.  There was nothing they could do to contain or defeat his godlike power!
Peepers concentrated, and waited for his glasses to glow with godlike energy as it had so many times before.  Peepers was shocked when nothing happened!

The mob surrounded Peepers, and grabbed hold of him, pushing themselves up against Peepers in a great violation of personal space!  Though they were not physically harming him (yet) the sudden barrage of unwanted human contact was just too much for Peepers!  It had been so long since he’d had this much interaction!  Perhaps he’d never had this much!  Peepers detested this loss of control as he was forced out of his observational role into interaction!   He grew claustrophobic at the closeness of the bodies around him.  His fear grew until he finally screamed and let out a flash of white energy that propelled everyone away from him.

Peepers looked around to see all his opponents in this “last battle.”  They had fallen, but no harm had come to them from the energy.  Peepers smirked.  This meant they would learn their lesson and he could go back to observing them.  He then looked down at his outfit.  It was not longer white, with a black eye design on it, as it had been since he gained the godlike power of the whitespace.  It was now gray!  Peepers felt his hair to notice it had changed as well!   His trademark bangs had somehow been lifted into a bizarre fauxhawk!  His glasses also felt strangely, and he removed them to see that they no longer had white lenses, but had now changed to orange and green!

Peepers did not comprehend what had happened, but did not have time to ponder it further, as a very loud crashing sound filled the air!  The ground shook each time the sound was heard.  A moment later, and Peepers realized that his “last battle” was not over yet, as the giant figure of Kamola, the Thai lady, appeared from behind a building…

NEXT:  PEEPERS V.S. KAMOLA!
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--The Perfect Woman pt. 2

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded With Strangers Epilogue:  “The Perfect Woman pt. 2” 

The Perfect Woman & Kids!

Peepers was giddy.  The kiss of the perfect woman had left him with a big smile on his face and a sense of awe for someone other than himself.  The perfect woman, with her dark hair, luscious lips, and vuluptous body had defeated Peepers!  Even in his godlike state, he could not resist the power of this perfect female!  Part of him was weak in her presence, but another part of him began to strengthen with lustful power!

Peepers held to the perfect woman, but backed away a bit to show her the effect she’d had on him.  She then slid from his grasp, and floated quickly backwards and away from him.

“Catch me, Peepers! If you desire more! Hehehe!”

Peepers floated after her through the tunnel of flashing lights, which seemed to go on forever.  Suddenly, a bright flash of white light appeared between the woman and Peepers, making it impossible to see anything! When the light dimmed, Peepers saw a house before him.  He then heard the voice of the perfect woman.

“Peepers…come inside to me and we can consummate our union!”

Peepers floated up to the door, and opened it to find the woman now fully-clothed in a dress and running a vacuum cleaner.  She was no longer “the perfect woman” in terms of body shape.  She had grown overweight and looked very plain.  Peepers shook his head in disbelief.  What had happened to his perfect woman?!?

“Where have you been?!?”  the perfect woman shouted at Peepers.  “I can’t do everything around this house by myself!!  The dishes need washing, the clothes need ironing, and you have to help the kids with their homework!”

Peepers’ eyes grew big beneath his glasses.  The perfect woman had gone from a dream to a nightmare! When 3 kids, all wearing Mr. Peepers-type glasses, ran into the room, Peepers screamed!  They attacked him and yelled “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

Peepers turned to run to the door, but the children held to him.  The perfect woman spoke again.  “Where are you goin’ now?!?  Don’t you leave again!  You gotta change Baby Peepers’ diaper!”  Peepers cringed as a loud “WAHHH” was heard from another room.  “Get in there and be a daddy while I finish the vacuuming!”  Peepers struggled to get away, and finally reached the door handle.  He touched it, only to be shocked by some kind of electrical energy!  The woman, house, and children faded and then completely vanished.

Peepers recovered himself, and looked to his right to see the seven-foot tall robot of the Mad Tinkerer before him!  Peepers could tell from a glowing orb in its chest, that the robot had somehow created the image of the perfect woman.  The robot was joined by the Tinkerer, Jervas Clinkscales, Lucy, Van Punker, Boris, Choo Choo Andrews, Charlie Decaye, the EMT man, Birdy Nok Nok, and Humphrey Hobo!

“How people in his Pitt do this to Peepers?  How they trick Peepers when he godlike?!?

The gravely voice of Charlie Decaye gave an answer.  “We got your number, Peepers! Time to end this!  The Last Battle begins now!”

NEXT:  THE LAST BATTLE!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 29, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--The Perfect Woman pt. 1

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded With Strangers Epilogue:  “The Perfect Woman pt. 1” 

Peepers has found the Perfect Woman!

“Pizzazz!  I’s wan’ Haley Cypress!  I’s wan’ the hotel room and the tessle tease!  I’s wan’ it now!!”  Humphrey bounced around like a little kid.  Getting down on all fours and barking like a dog to break Trodemus’ mind control had awakened a desire in him!  He no longer wanted sleep in an alley…at least not alone!

“Not now, Humphrey!”  Pizzazz was totally focused on Mr. Peepers, who now stood before them after their battle against Trodemus and Birdy Nok Nok.

“Peepers see you, and he see that Pizzazz and Trodemus have truly brought entertainment to his Peepers’ Pitt!  Peepers wish to see more, so he wou--”

Peepers stopped mid-sentence, due to a strange occurrence.  Right before his eyes, Johnny Pizzazz, Humphrey Hobo, Trodemus of Doom, and Birdy Nok Nok began to fade away!  A moment later, and they had completely vanished!

“Wh--What Peepers see?  Where stupid hobo and Pizzazz go?!?  Where Trodemus and Birdy go?!? Peepers not like!!!”

Peepers looked about frantically, trying to locate any sign of them, but with no success.  Even his godlike power could not discern where they had gone!

“Peepers!”  The voice of a woman came from behind him, just outside the alley.  Peepers was even more confused and astonished, as he looked to see a beautiful naked woman standing before him!

“Peepers!  It’s me!  It’s your perfect woman!”

“Peepers not understand.  Where everyone go, and how Peepers now finally find Perfect Woman?!?”

“You created me, Peepers!  You and your godlike power have finally succeeded!  Come to me!”

“Peepers come! Yes!  Perfect Woman have perfect idea! Hehe!”

Peepers floated quickly to the woman.  He moved faster and faster, but it seemed like he could not reach her!  Peepers suddenly noticed that the Perfect Woman had wings like an angel, which she was using to move backwards and away from him!  As they sped through the air, everything around them faded  and it appeared they were in a tunnel filled with flashing lights.

Somehow, Peepers caught her and wrapped his arms around her tightly in an awkward embrace.

“Peepers have you now!”  Peepers was at a loss with what to do with her though!  The Perfect Woman was a brunette, with a vuluptous body and luscious lips.  Peepers stared into her dark eyes, and was a bit intimidated!

“Peepers, do not be afraid…you have all that you wanted now.  Come, let us consummate our love!”  With that, the raven-haired beauty grabbed Peepers’ head and pressed her lips up to his in a passionate kiss!

NEXT:  THE PERFECT WOMAN pt. 2!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 21, 2014
 THE PITT REPORT UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY 

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!

Newsletter Versions

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental