Peepers' Pitt--Who is Peepers?

Peepers’ Pitt--Creating the Crunch pt. 3 of 3:  “Who is Peepers?”

Who is Mr. Peepers?

Those gathered in the whorehouse of Jervas Clinkscales waited in anticipation for the voice of the shadowy figure to reveal exactly just who Mr. Peepers is.  They had learned of his godlike power, but now they were about to find out what Mr. Peepers is at the core of his being!

“Who is Mr. Peepers?” asked the voice of the shadowy figure, which seemed to come from the glowing white cloth that floated next to the toilet of destruction.

“You’re supposed to tell us!” came the gravely voice of the pumpkin-headed horror known as Charlie Decaye.  There was no reply for a few moments.  Humphrey the Hobo passed gas loudly, and tried to blame the bird man, Birdy Nok, who then blamed railroad man, Choo Choo Andrews.  Boris the Russian looked embarrassed, but mostly because he was remembering the wild time he’d had with Lucy, Jervas’ “Number One Ho.”  She stood behind him while Jervas watched to see if Boris did something with Lucy he could make money off of.  The EMT man squated in the corner, and Van Punker was sitting down with his guitar.

“Enough!” came the voice of the shadowy figure.  “It is not for you to tell me what to do!  However, I will answer the question posed.  Mr. Peepers, in his normal state, in his normal universe, is quite simply, a peeping tom!  He has said himself that he goes ‘from window to window, seeing what he can see.’  He is a pathetic creature who obviously cannot make it with any female, so he must get cheap thrills by watching random women undress!”

“You can use this knowledge to defeat Peepers in the Last Battle!  He has tried to create his own perfect woman, but has been unable to, despite having godlike powers.  You could offer him a woman, but I know there is only one among you, and Peepers deemed her to have a dirty hoo ha.”

Clinkscales got upset with that remark about Lucy, and threatened to attack the white cloth.  Charlie and Choo Choo held him back.

“So what can we do if we have no woman to tempt him with?” asked Choo Choo Andrews.

“That is for you to figure out.  I would suggest getting many porno magazines to distract him with!  Now, I must go, as I still have Peepers distracted using my own means.  My distraction will only last a short while longer.  In 3 days, your time will be up, and Peepers will be able to see what you’re doing again!  Farewell, and good luck!”

With that, the glowing cloth and toilet disappeared.

NEXT:  RECOGNIZING DEFEAT
WEDNESDAY, January 8, 2014 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--From the Crunch to the Whitespace

Peepers’ Pitt--Creating the Crunch pt. 2 of 3:  “From the Crunch to the Whitespace”

Mr. Peepers, upon his return, 
cloaked in the power 
of the Whitespace!

“So what is the CRUNCH, you ask?”  The voice of the shadowy figure continued to speak to those gathered in the whorehouse of Jervas Clinkscales.

“The Crunch was indeed the destruction of the Ink Pitt, and it was caused by this toilet of destruction, but how it played out is what’s most important.  After Rufus the retard activated the toilet, individuals in the Ink Pitt started to simply disappear!  All was not lost, however.  Thanks to a visitor from an alternate reality, those who disappeared were spared by being shunted to a pocket universe known as the Whitespace!  Mr. Peepers would eventually end up there with all the other refugees from the Ink Pitt.”

Images of people from the Ink Pitt disappearing are visible on the glowing cloth floating next to the toilet.  The phenomenon of the Crunch is now clear to the individuals of the Peepers’ Pitt.

“Eventually, those in the Ink Pitt would find their way to a new universe known as the Shit Pitt, and the Whitespace would end.  Mr. Peepers was the exception.  When the Whitespace ended, folding in on itself, Peepers was trapped inside.  He was thought to be dead until he showed up again, wielding godlike powers!  Somehow, Mr. Peepers had absorbed the energies of the Whitespace, and had become near omnipotent!  After toying with old adversaries, he would become bored and go on to create this new “Whitespace,” that he dubbed his Peepers’ Pitt.  It was then that he would bring you all here for his personal amusement.”

The voice of the shadowy figure paused while more images of the “death” and return of Mr. Peepers played out before them on the glowing cloth.

“Now, armed with this information, you know what Mr. Peepers has become and where he gets his power.  In order to defeat him, you must also know who he was and still is beneath that power…”

NEXT:  WHO IS PEEPERS?
WEDNESDAY, December 4, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Rufus & his Sweetie

Peepers’ Pitt--Creating the Crunch pt. 1 of 3:  “Rufus & his Sweetie”

What does Rufus the Retard
 have to do with the Crunch?

“I see you doubt the power of this toilet!”  The shadowy figure that had rescued Humphrey and the others from exile spoke, but was nowhere to be seen.  However, a toilet and the glowing white cloth were visible to those gathered in the whorehouse of Jervas Clinkscales.  The voice of the shadowy figure said the toilet was a device of destruction that caused an event called the Crunch.  This Crunch ended the universe known as the Ink Pitt.

  “This may look like what is referred to as a toilet and it is, but it is not just any toilet!  It is a toilet designed by a race of aliens who had interactions with a godlike being known as Tolyactemus.”  The glowing white cloth began to show images of the aliens and Tolyactemus on it.

  “Tolyactemus used that race of aliens and their slaves, the Inkeyes, to search out rare minerals in many universes.  The aliens would then extract the minerals to feed Tolyactemus’ hunger!  Tolyactemus and the aliens invaded the Ink Pitt, but were destroyed, leaving only one Inkeye and this toilet!  The toilet fell from their ship, and ended up being used accidentally by a most confused individual.”

The voice of the shadowy figure continued.  “This confused individual is known as Rufus the Retard.  Rufus, who is not the brightest person, found the device and mistook it for a regular toilet.  He also got confused about the normal use of a toilet, and kept it for weeks without using it, preferring to call it his sweetie and admiring it.  Eventually, Rufus did use the device, making ‘useful romance’ and activating it.  That is when the Crunch began.  Next, I shall tell you what happened during the Crunch, and how it involves Mr. Peepers…

NEXT:  From the Crunch to the Whitespace
WEDNESDAY, November 20, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Three-Man Battle

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 10 of 10:  “Three-Man Battle”

Just A Solider, Halabaad, and the EMT Man square off in the Perfect Pitt Challenge!

Mr. Peepers appeared in the Shit Pitt…as a floating head!  He partially materialized in an effort to display his power and shock his opponents.  He slipped up behind the Hands of Time as he sat on his hill.  Once he got right behind his head, Peepers spoke.

“PEEPERS SEE YOU,” came the shrill voice of the Preeminent Peeper.  Hands of Time nearly dropped his wacky weed as he jumped up from where he sat!

“What the hell?!?” Hands of Time screeched shockingly.

“Peepers has returned!  He display his might before you, to show that Peepers has escaped the boundaries of the physical form!  You cannot beat Peepers, Hands of Time, or Stardust!  You cannot beat Peepers’ representative either…the EMT Man!”  Peepers’ glasses flashed and the EMT man appeared, drooling and bouncing up and down, shirtless and wearing worn jeans.

Hands of Time and Stardust looked on in amazement at the bizarre EMT man.  The amazement didn’t last too long however, as Hands of Time took another puff of his giant wacky weed.

“Well…that certainly is one strange character ya got Mr. Peepers, but can your…EMT Man defeat…HALABAAD, THE T-SHIRT TERRORIST?”

Halabaad began to chant “Death to American clothing!  Death to Cotton!  Death to thread!  Death to t-shirts as robes are more natural!”

Stardust walked up with the dress-wearing Just A Solider.  “Ooo that is a mighty fine looking young man you have there, Mr. Peepers, but he doesn’t have to fight my solider, as we have no issue with him!  However, we do take issue with Halabaad insulting America and its fashions!”

Just A Solider then pushed past Stardust and got right in Halabaad’s face.
“SIR…YES SIR…TOOK OUT THE ENEMY SIR…WIFE’S AT HOME SIR!  WHAT? MY WIFE DID WHAT?  STELLA…YOU SLEPT WITH MY BEST FRIEND?!?  OOO SAY CAN YOU SEE…WAHHH!!”

Just A Solider began crying and dropped to his knees.  Hands of Time, Halabaad, and Peepers looked on with confusion.  Only Stardust smiled.

“That’s my good solider…not afraid to show your feelings…love for your wife, even though she cheated on you…and love for your country!”  Stardust then crouched beside Just A Solider and whispered into his ear. “Just A Solider…not only is Halabaad a terrorist…I believe he was the one your wife cheated with!  Teach him a lesson!”

Just A Solider looked up, and his tears were visible, but his eyes were full of hate!  He jumped to his feet and in the same motion, punched Halabaad in the stomach!  Halabaad leaned over, clutching his guts as Just A Solider stood over him.  Halabaad then let out a “LALALALALALALALA” and jumped up and began a fist-fight with Just A Solider!

Peepers’ head floated, and a smile came across his face.  The two would beat each other to death and then a victory for the EMT Man would be certain!  This didn’t last long however, as Just A Solider and Halabaad would fall onto the ground with their struggle and roll right over the EMT Man’s exposed toes!  The EMT Man then let out a loud “AWWOOOO” and put Just A Solider in a choke hold!  He would hold him there for a moment, slobbering all over his helmet as Halabaad got in a few cheap punches.  The EMT Man got bored with this however, and let Just A Solider go, only to put Halabaad in a chokehold next!  Just A Solider and Halabaad would eventually team up and began pounding on the EMT Man, sending him crouching to the ground!  When they thought they had him beat, and turned away to continue their fist fight, the EMT Man sprang up and ran into both of them, sending all 3 men rolling down the hill!

Peepers, Hands of Time, and Stardust would all make their way down the hill to see the outcome.  They arrived to find the EMT Man standing and drooling over the unconscious bodies of Just A Solider and Halabaad!

NEXT:  RUFUS (the Retard) AND HIS SWEETIE
WEDNESDAY, November 13, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--The Challengers

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 9 of 10:  “The Challengers”

Peepers chooses the EMT Man for the challenge!

Mr. Peepers materialized in his Peepers Pitt once more, after his visit to Hands of Time in the Shit Pitt and Stardust in the New Ink Pitt.  Now that he had set the Perfect Pitt Challenge in motion, he had to act fast to pick the best representative from his pitt to do battle with those from the other two pitts.  Peepers knew exactly who he wanted for the job though.  The EMT Man would be perfect!

Peepers laughed to himself as he floated across the desert where he’d placed Charlie Decaye and the EMT Man.  The EMT man was perfect for the Perfect Pitt Challenge because he was truly insane!  Peepers, in his godlike state, could not figure him out, so how would any opponents have a chance?  The EMT man was pure unpredictability and madness, which had been proven when he put Charlie Decaye in a chokehold!  Peepers arrived to the spot where the pool of water was, and saw that the water had turned yellow!  The EMT Man had gone in the water!  Peepers laughed as Decaye kneeled down nearby, spitting out water he had drunk from the now peed-in pool.

As always, Peepers was invisible to those he peeped on, however, he was unaware that what he was seeing was an illusion!  The shadowy figure had somehow recreated Decaye and the EMT Man and hidden the fact that they were not real!  Peepers finished laughing at Decaye and then simply floated over to the EMT Man as his glasses glowed.  A moment later, and they were both gone from the desert!

Meanwhile, in the Shit Pitt, the Hands of Time sat on his hill, smoking his giant wacky weed and surrounded by the women in swimsuits.  He put one hand in the air, and someone came walking up the hill to him.  It was a man, wearing an Arabian-style headpiece. Hands of Time took a puff of his giant wacky weed and then stared seriously at the man.

“Tell me your name” Hands of Time spoke in a serious tone.
“I am Hala--” the man began, but was cut off by the Hands of Time.
“I know your name!”  He then took another puff.  “What is your name?”
The man look puzzled.  “My name is Hala--”  He was cut short again.
“No, no, no don’t tell me!!”  Hands of Time went from serious to silly.  He then took another puff.  “I know who you are but I forgot because…I’M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW! Go ahead and tell me your name anyway!

The man shook his head out of disbelief at the Hands of Time’s behavior and then said.
“I am Halabaad, the T-Shirt Terrorist!  Death to American clothing!”
And what is your mission?  Hands of Time took another puff.
“It is my sacred duty to crush my opponents in the Perfect Pitt Challenge!  I shall defeat them so that we may have a great victory!  So says Halabaad!!  LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAALA!!”

Hands of Time smiled.  “Aww man I love that war cry!  Peepers ain’t gonna know what hit him!”

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Stardust appeared, wearing his glittered dress getup from the runway show.  He was accompanied by Just A Solider, who wore a military jacket and helmet, but had on a pink dress in place of pants!

“Hands of Tiiiime” Stardust began, “So good to see such a beautiful young man as yourself once again!  We are here to answer Peepers’ challenge--my beautiful young man, Just A Solider, and I!”


 NEXT: THREE-MAN BATTLE
 WEDNESDAY, November 6, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Cause of the Crunch

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 8 of 10:  “Cause of the Crunch”

and it's cause explained!

The familiar white cloth that had rescued Humphrey, Boris, Choo Choo, Birdy, Charlie and the EMT Man from exile had appeared once more!  This time though, it appeared in a quite unusual way--as a twisted wet cylinder emerging straight upwards from a…TOILET?!?

Jervas Clinkscales, Lucy--his number one ho, and Van Punker, along with the six individuals already mentioned stared in shock at the sight of the wet, white cloth as it floated upwards out a toilet that had appeared from nowhere, right in the middle of Clinkscales’ whorehouse!  Why was there a toilet, and what was about to happen?

Answers would come as the cloth completely cleared the toilet, and began to fan out.  It went from soaking wet to dry in about two seconds!  The cloth then formed a large rectangle and began to glow.  The voice of the shadowy figure was then heard.

“I promised you answers as to who Mr. Peepers was before he created this place, people he knew, and where he came from.  In learning who he was, you will begin to understand how he became godlike, and possibly discover how to defeat him."

“Not so long ago, there was another universe, called the Ink Pitt.  This was the universe Peepers originally came from.  It was populated by many unique individuals, not unlike yourselves.  One day however, a destructive device from outside the Ink Pitt would arrive, threatening to destroy that universe.  The destruction of the Ink Pitt became known as the CRUNCH, and the device was what you see here.”

The toilet was highlighted, and several people laughed.  How could a toilet be responsible for the death of a universe?

 NEXT: THE CHALLENGERS
 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Guests in the Whorehouse

Peepers’ Pitt--Perfect Pitt Challenge pt. 7 of 10:  “Guests in the Whorehouse”

The Glowing Toilet!

 After absorbing the energies from the dying pocket universe known as the WHITESPACE, Mr. Peepers the peeping tom became godlike!  Mr. Peepers used his godlike power to toy with his enemies.  In doing so, Peepers realized that, despite his godlike status, he still lacked an important factor…experience!

So, in an effort to gain experience, Peepers decided to create his own universe to counter the already-existing New Ink Pitt and Shit Pitt.  Peepers created his PEEPERS’ PITT.  When efforts to create a perfect woman with his power failed, Mr. Peepers decided to populate his universe with unique individuals from other realities.  Initially, Peepers brought ten individuals to his Peepers Pitt without their consent.  Peepers would go on to separate the ten with his godlike power.  It was his plan to gain experience by observing the ten individuals.  Eventually, Peepers had to intervene to make things more interesting.

Now, for the first time since their arrival, 7 of the original ten are all in one place, thanks to the assistance of a shadowy figure and a mysterious white cloth that has charged them to prepare to battle Mr. Peepers in a “last battle” to win their freedom from Peepers’ Pitt.

Jervas Clinkscales ran up to meet the group that had just entered his whorehouse.  Dollar signs flashed in his eyes as he counted the possibilities of the money he could make if Lucy were to service all six individuals!  Clinkscales was shaken out of his greedy thoughts when he saw that two of them were not quite human-looking.  The census worker with a pumpkin head, Charlie Decaye, stood in front of the group, with the birdman, Birdy Nok Nok, directly behind.

“Jervas Clinkscales,” Decaye began with his gravelly voice, “Pleased to meet you.  I’m Charlie Decaye.”  Decaye put his hand forward, but Clinkscales refused to shake it.

“Heeey man, what kinda thing you got goin’ on yo head? Didn’t know it wuz Halloween already!”  Clinkscales tightly gripped his pimp cane in an effort to prevent himself from fainting at the horrible sight of Charlie Decaye!

“Oh…well this is not a mask.  It’s my face!”  Decaye stared emotionless at Clinkscales.  After a long silence Clinkscales spoke up again.
“Well whut can I help you fellaz with?  Maybe you is interested in some fine music by my in-house performah, Vaaan Punker?  Or maybe you is wantin’ ta have a guud time with my numbah one ho, Lucy?”

Choo Choo Andrews walked up in front of Decaye.
“Lissen here, man!  We don’t want to lissen to music or do anything with your whore!  We were sent here by someone who wants to stop Mr. Peepers and get us out of this place!”

Decaye spoke again.  “Yes, a shadowy figure rescued us from the exile Mr. Peepers had placed us in, and returned us to this town.  He told us that he would place information about Peepers here, so we would know who we were dealing with.  Hopefully it will prepare us for the “last battle.”

Jervas twisted his hands on the handle of his cane.
“You mean we can get the hell outta this here ghost town, and gets back to where me and Lucy came from?”

“Da!  It is good!  We shall all be able to return to our homes,” said Boris, who was turning a bit red as he saw Lucy behind Clinkscales, near the staircase leading up to bedrooms, where he’d been before!

“Well, count me in…can’t make no money roun’ this place.   How is we gonna find this information on Peepers though?

Suddenly, the sound of a toilet flushing was heard!  It was not coming from the bathroom of the whorehouse however!  It was immediately clear that the flushing was coming from a glowing toilet that appeared right before the eyes of Clinckscales, Lucy, Punker, and the six guests! As soon as the toilet finished flushing…a bright light shot up out of it, and the familiar white cloth appeared, twisiting upwards out of the water!

 NEXT: CAUSE OF THE CRUNCH
 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2013 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Jon Hason & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental