Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Shit Pitt--Sermon on Healthcare/Ask Your Doctor?


Doctor Dyson Profits from Suffering!


Shit Pitt--Shitfall--Suitable Sermons pt. 2 of 3: "Sermon on Healthcare/Ask Your Doctor?”

The Reverend Reynolds walked up to his podium once again, inspired once more by his new approach in preaching to the evil Shitlings! His “Suitable Sermons” were sure to express the fire and brimstone needed to loosen these hardened individuals up, while at the same time, tugging on their heart strings until they were bawling like babies in repentance! Each sermon was geared towards a certain Shitling, making it “suitable” for that individual. Reynolds was certain that by the end of these sermons, the final three Shitlings--Bennie Hate, Doctor Dyson, and Gwala the Zombie--would turn from their wicked ways and join his church! Last time, Reynolds preached to Bennie Hate with a sermon against hatred!

The Reverend Reynolds began the second in his series of Suitable Sermons. This sermon was to address perhaps the most evil Shitling of the three. Reynolds spoke about how this individual had taken an oath to help his fellow man and “do no harm,” yet daily betrayed that trust due to a lust for money and power. This individual freely operated in a system that encouraged dishonest practices towards human life in order to generate riches. This man, like many of his kind, was a self-absorbed hater of life. He claimed a cure, but only gave cancer! Reynolds then looked down at the man he was talking about.…Doctor Dyson!
“Ask your doctor! Brothers, the Good Reverend Reynolds hears this line repeatedly on televison! Over and over, it is forced into our minds until we are convinced that our doctor knows more about us than we know about ourselves! Do you have trouble sleeping? Ask your doctor. Do you have anxiety? Ask your doctor. Do you have erectile dysfuction? Ask your doctor!” The Reverend Reynolds’ voice grew louder and more confident with each line. He was getting fired up over the issue! The congregation of Bennie Hate, Doctor Dyson, and Gwala the Zombie were all trying to ignore Reynolds.

“So you ask your doctor, and what does he offer? DRUGS! Drugs, my brothers. Drugs that are prescription, which somehow makes them all right! I tell you, brothers, that these drugs are not all right! These drugs are not natural, and they are designed to give you all sorts of side effects just so you will come back and see the doctor again! They attack your immune system, and tear down your body little by little! You go in for a headache, take some drugs, and come out with diabetes!”

“A recent drug commercial talks about acne, and how it is not your fault, but the fault of your genetic makeup! It says that acne is not your fault, and that all the oversalted, oversugared, processed food you eat has nothing to do with it! Blame your parents! Your acne comes from your genes! I’m here to tell you, brothers, that this point of view is absolutely wrong! YOU and only YOU are responsible for your acne! YOU and only YOU are responsible for your wrong behavior! YOU are a liar, a cheat, and a hater of life, and the Good Word is not in you!”

“The doctor operates in a crooked healthcare system that has parasites on every end, sucking the life and livelihood out of innocent people! Make no mistake, those who participate in this destruction of life will suffer on that Last Day! They’ll be held responsible for all they have harmed! The doctor, the insurance agent, the nurse, and the high-ranking hospital officials will ALL be judged and punished accordingly! One doctor has the opportunity to escape that this day, if he’d only turn from his wickedness and believe!”

"So, ask your doctor? Is he God? I tell you the truth, brothers! NO, THE DOCTOR IS NOT GOD! The doctor is not God and he should stop playing God, or he will suffer the wrath of righteousness!” With that, the Reverend Reynolds gave Doctor Dyson one more hard glance before closing his sermon!


All characters, stories, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

No comments:

Post a Comment