Peepers' Pitt--Trodemus Meets Birdy Nok Nok

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 4 of 12:  “Trodemus Meets Birdy Nok Nok” 

Trodemus & Birdy Nok Nok!

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom, in his new green cloak, appeared on top of a building.  He looked around to figure out where he was.  Other building rooftops surrounded him.  He looked over the edge of the building he stood on, but could not see any street below!  How high up was he that there was no visible ground below?!? What had Mr. Peepers gotten him into?

A sudden squawk from behind would answer part of his question.  Trodemus turned to see a creature fly quickly from the other side of the rooftop towards him!  The creature had the body of a man, but the head of a…bird!  It was Birdy Nok Nok, his new protégé, though Trodemus had no idea.  Birdy Nok Nok was coming so fast, he would be sure to send them both hurtling over the edge of the rooftop if Trodemus did not act fast!

“Halt, Creature!  Trodemus, the Prophet of Doom, commands it!”  Trodemus stretched out a hand, and using his telekinetic power, halted Birdy Nok Nok in midair.  “Now…who, or what, are you?”

Birdy squawked, but his bird noises were nothing Trodemus could understand.  A flash of white light appeared beside them, and the head of Mr. Peepers appeared!

“Trodemus…this your new protégé!  Meet Birdy Nok Nok!  He bird man that not do his original job of aggravating people here!  He aggravate a hobo but then become his friend!  Peepers not like!  He want Birdy to cause much trouble!  It your job to make him bad!  Make him bad like you, Trodemus!  Peepers know if anyone can make Birdy loathsome, it you!”

Peepers then vanished, leaving Trodemus and Birdy staring at each other.

NEXT:  HUMPHREY LEARNS A TRADE!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2014!  
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Pizzazz Meets Humphrey

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 3 of 12:  “Pizzazz Meets Humphrey”

 Johnny Pizzazz appeared in a back alley.  Where had Mr. Peepers transported him to within the Peepers’ Pitt and who was to be his protégé?  The answer would come quickly, as Pizzazz suddenly stumbled across the legs of a man seated next to a trash can.

“Eyy!  Geddoffa mah leg, man!”  The man, wearing a blue sweatshirt and matching stocking cap, was none other than Humphrey, the Hunchback Hobo!

Pizzazz glared down at the misshapen man, noticing that he was a hunchback!  “Please forgive me, sir.  I didn’t know you were there.  I’m looking for someone, but I’m not quite sure who it is.”

Humphrey snorted.  “Well leeme alone so’s I can go back to sleep!”  Pizzazz stared at Humphrey a bit longer and wondered if this was the “protégé Peepers had sent him to meet.  He turned away to contemplate on the matter.  Suddenly, the floating head of Peepers appeared!

“Yes, Johnny Pizzazz!  This man that you make your protégé!  You must make Humphrey interesting!  Perhaps you can make him useful in some way!  He stupid homeless hunchback that need some discipline!  Peepers have faith in you, Pizzazz!”  With that, Peepers disappeared.

Pizzazz looked back at Humphrey and was inspired!  It reminded Pizzazz of the time when Shithead had taken over the Shit Pitt and put an end to his magic act!  Pizzazz became homeless until the Hands of Time helped him recover.  A tear formed and slid down the cheek of the Maestro of Magic!  Pizzazz vowed that he would help poor Humphrey, and make him the most successful individual ever!

NEXT:  TRODEMUS MEETS BIRDY NOK NOK!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  Issue #4 available now!
  

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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Plans and Payment

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 2 of 12:  “Plans and Payment”

Trodemus' Cloak has turned green in the Peepers' Pitt!

Entertainment.  Mr. Peepers had transported Trodemus, Prophet of Doom and Johnny Pizzazz to his Peepers’ Pitt in order for them to provide entertainment and make his pitt the most “interesting and exciting” of the three pitts.

As the Prophet of Doom glared at Peepers with a disgruntled sneer on his face, it didn’t seem likely that he was in the mood to entertain.  Pizzazz on the other hand, stood with his legs wide apart in an active stance.  He smiled as if Peepers’ mention of entertainment was some higher calling.

“Yes!  Entertainment!  You have chosen the right men for the job!  Trodemus and I live to entertain, don’t we, Doom?”  Pizzazz put his arm around Doom and held his trademark microphone close for Trodemus to reply in it.  Trodemus’ eyes got big and his disgruntled frown melted into an uncomfortable frown.

“Get away from me!  Trodemus is not here to entertain!  He only has a psychic business to make money off of telling people bad news about their futures!  There is no money here, so there will be no performance on the Prophet of Doom’s part!”

The floating head of Mr. Peepers had been watching the unlikely pair in great enjoyment.  Trodemus and Doom were VERY entertaining, and the Preeminent Peeper couldn’t wait to unleash them upon the individuals in his Peepers’ Pitt!

“That is where you are wrong, Trodemus!  Peepers will pay you $1,000 if you make his pitt more exciting by turning your entertainment in the direction he chooses!”

Trodemus smiled a bit at the sound of getting paid, but then became grim once more.
“That sounds too good to be true, Peepers!  We are at your mercy here! How do we know that you will stand by your word?  You have no reason to honor it!”

Peepers smiled.  “You have to trust Peepers.  Besides…it can get very boring around here!  If you not entertain, you get bored too!  Just wait until you see sad people Peepers brought here!”

“What?!?  You have other people here?” Doom’s forehead furrowed.

“Yes,” Peepers said.  “Peepers have several people he bring here from other places.  They are sorry bunch!  Peepers need you to entertain through them by making them entertaining!”

“This sounds like a challenge!  Helping others become more exciting is the specialty of the Catalyst of Character!  Just look at what I did with the Optic Ink Eye!  I am ready, Peepers!  Show me the boring person, and Pizzazz will make him a star!”

“Hehe, Peepers like that!  He introduce you to protégés in moment!  But first, he make things more interesting, and insure Trodemus works just as hard as you.  Peepers will only give $1,000 to one of you!”

Doom sighed.  “I KNEW it!  I knew you wouldn’t be straight up with us!”

“Not to worry, Trodemus!  If you make protégé more interesting than Pizzazz then YOU win money!  It great challenge hehe!  Peepers think you need change!  He change your cloak so your attitude change!" Peepers pointed, and Doom's black cloak became green!

"There...it color of money!  Remind you to do your best!  Now, Peepers send you to your protégés!”
Before Doom could protest further, or react to his newly-colored cloak, the white light that transported them to the Peepers’ Pitt appeared again, causing them to vanish from where they stood.

NEXT:  PIZZAZZ MEETS HUMPHREY!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

• GET A 4-ISSUE SUBSCRIPTION TO THE PEEPER NEWSLETTER!  Featuring Mr. Peepers and company, as they visit, report on, and comically assault real locations and events!  Available in pdf format by email or in print by postal mail!  

Newsletter Versions

E-mail Version $2.00 USD Print Version $6.50 USD

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Trodemus & Pizzazz...in Peepers' Pitt

Peepers’ Pitt--Stranded with Strangers pt. 1 of 12:  “Trodemus & Pizzazz…in Peepers‘ Pitt”

Trodemus, Prophet of Doom and Johnny Pizzazz appeared from a flash of white light in Peepers’ Pitt.  The pair were quite confused about their situation since they had no knowledge of the contest that had placed them there.

“Bah!  Where is the Prophet of Doom and what are YOU doing here?!?”

Johnny Pizzazz turned around to see Trodemus standing directly behind him.  “Trodemus!  I-I don’t’ know.  A moment ago I was with the Rosewood Cowboy and the others in the Shitt Pitt.  Something was wrong back at the Cowboy’s ranch!  The shitlings have escaped!”

“The Prophet of Doom knows nothing of the cowboy ranch or the shit placed there!  He only wants to know where he is now, and why he was so rudely removed from his daily visiting of Belinda’s vagina!”

Pizzazz glared at Doom.  “Trodemus, that…that is just too much information, and I don’t think it will help us here.  You do know what information will help us though?”

“What?” Doom glared back.  Pizzazz lifted his mic up over his head.

“If we realize that I’m the Catalyst of Character, the Mage of the Age, the Maestro of Magic…JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!!!”

Doom rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “Trodemus does not wish to be a pessimist (since he’s usually so positive), but he doesn’t see that helping either!  Seriously, where are we and how the hell do we get out?!?

On that note, there was another flash of white light, and the floating head of Mr. Peepers appeared!

“Peepers see you, Trodemus of Doom and Johnny Pissass!”

“Should have known YOU were behind this!” Doom snorted.
Pizzazz cleared his throat.  “It’s Pizz--”  Peepers spoke over him.

“He has brought you here, to his Peepers’ Pitt, because he has work for his old enemy Trodemus and Johnny Pissass!”

“It’s Pizz--” Pizzazz tried again but was cut off.

“Peepers wants you to work in his Peepers’ Pitt to make it the most interesting and exciting of the 3 pitts!  He wants you to bring…entertainment!”

NEXT:  PLANS AND PAYMENT
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All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Peepers Chooses

Peepers’ Pitt--Peepers’ Choice pt. 2 of 2:  “Peepers Chooses” 

Mr. Peepers’ victory in the Perfect Pitt Challenge (a contest which put a representative of each of the 3 pitt universes into battle) allowed him to take one individual from each of the two losing pitt universes into his Peepers’ Pitt.  Stardust of the New Ink Pitt and the Hands of Time of the Shit Pitt would now have to give Peepers whoever he wanted.

Peepers still appeared as a floating, disembodied head.  He hovered up and down in excitement at all the potential prospects he could bring into his Peepers’ Pitt.  There really were some interesting individuals in the other two pitts, and he hoped that introducing two of them into his own pitt would shake things up!

“Let’s see.  Who do Peepers want for his Peepers’ Pitt?  Hmm.  Peepers start with your pitt, Stardust!”

Stardust, the star-crossed cross dresser, still stood near his representative, Just A Solider, for fear Peepers would project another image of a sexy female (who, in Stardust’s mind, might try to make the solider more beautiful than he already was in his pink dress).

“Please don’t take my beautiful young man away, Mr. Peepers!  Just A Solider is still my pet project mmmmm!”

Peepers shook his floating head in disgust.  “Peepers not want solider who wear lady clothes!  Peepers want someone who is great!  He want the one person in your pitt who Peepers count as his greatest enemy!  Peepers want…TRODEMUS, PROPHET OF DOOM!”

Stardust sighed.  “That’s fine with me!  He never did thank me for giving him the Psychic Parlor of Doom upon his arrival in the New Ink Pitt!  I am better off without him!”  He then waved his hand, and Trodemus appeared!  The Prophet of Doom was quite startled, as he was naked except for his cloak, which only covered his head and the top of his chest!

Peepers turned away at the sight and yelled to Stardust to send him on to the Peepers’ Pitt, and to make sure he had pants when he got there!  Stardust laughed, and Trodemus disappeared.

Peepers then floated over to Hands of Time, who was still smoking his wacky weed.

“You know who Peepers want from you!”
Hands of Time’s face was blank.  “Who?”
“You know who!”  Peepers’ voice grew louder.
“I dunno.” Hands of Time stated.
“Stop it! Peepers not get in stupid argument with you while you high!  Peepers go ahead and tell you!  Peepers want the greatest entertainer possibly ever seen in all pitts (except for Peepers)!  Peepers want the Catalyst of Character, the Mage of the Age, the Maestro of Magic!  He want JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!”

Hands of Time blew some smoke and Pizzazz appeared before being sent on to the Peepers Pitt.  Peepers smiled and disappeared, taking the EMT Man along with him.  Hands of Time, Stardust, Just A Solider, and Halabaad looked at each other for a moment before also disappearing!  In their place appeared the white cloth and the dark figure against it!  The white cloth moved and began to wrap itself around the figure until he was totally covered.  Only his mouth was visible.  A smile formed across his lips.


NEXT:  TRODEMUS & PIZZAZZ...IN PEEPERS' PITT!
WEDNESDAY, January 22, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Recognizing Defeat

Peepers’ Pitt--Peepers’ Choice pt. 1 of 2:  “Recognizing Defeat” 

The EMT Man was victorious!  He had bested Just A Solider from the New Ink Pitt and Halabaad from the Shit Pitt to win the Perfect Pitt Challenge for Mr. Peepers and his Peepers’ Pitt!  The insane EMT Man didn’t seem to care though.  In fact, he didn’t even seem to realize he’d been in fight!  He just stood over the unconscious bodies of his opponents, drooling as his eyes darted aimlessly around.

The Hands of Time and Stardust came walking down the hill, followed by the floating head of Mr. Peepers.  Hands of Time and Stardust had lost, so now they would have to give over two members of their respective universes to Mr. Peepers.  Hands of Time pulled out a small wacky weed and smoked it as Halabaad regained consciousness.  Stardust ran to Just A Solider, but instead of helping him up, he took out a tube of lipstick and began to “make him beautiful” by giving him red lips!  Peepers realized the two were not taking their defeat seriously, and decided to remind them of the fact!  He buzzed around Hands of Time with his floating head, and produced flashes of light from his glasses to wake him from his wacky weed.  Once Hands of Time was alert again, Peepers projected an image of a naked lady from his glasses, right in front of Stardust!  Stardust jumped to his feet and yelled angrily at the image.

“Get out of here, Skank!  You can’t make my man here as beautiful as I can!  Shoo!”
Peepers removed the image, and Stardust turned around, realizing it was Mr. Peepers who was responsible.

“Now that Peepers have your attention, and you have recongnized your defeat, he want to remind you of your obligation to the winner--the winner being-- PEEPERS!”  Peepers’ head flew around in excitement.

“Peepers has won Perfect Pitt Challenge, and now he will select one individual from each of your universes to take to his Peepers’ Pitt!”

NEXT:  PEEPERS CHOOSES
WEDNESDAY, January 15, 2014!  
THE PITT REPORT NOW UPDATES EVERY WEDNESDAY

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Peepers' Pitt--Who is Peepers?

Peepers’ Pitt--Creating the Crunch pt. 3 of 3:  “Who is Peepers?”

Who is Mr. Peepers?

Those gathered in the whorehouse of Jervas Clinkscales waited in anticipation for the voice of the shadowy figure to reveal exactly just who Mr. Peepers is.  They had learned of his godlike power, but now they were about to find out what Mr. Peepers is at the core of his being!

“Who is Mr. Peepers?” asked the voice of the shadowy figure, which seemed to come from the glowing white cloth that floated next to the toilet of destruction.

“You’re supposed to tell us!” came the gravely voice of the pumpkin-headed horror known as Charlie Decaye.  There was no reply for a few moments.  Humphrey the Hobo passed gas loudly, and tried to blame the bird man, Birdy Nok, who then blamed railroad man, Choo Choo Andrews.  Boris the Russian looked embarrassed, but mostly because he was remembering the wild time he’d had with Lucy, Jervas’ “Number One Ho.”  She stood behind him while Jervas watched to see if Boris did something with Lucy he could make money off of.  The EMT man squated in the corner, and Van Punker was sitting down with his guitar.

“Enough!” came the voice of the shadowy figure.  “It is not for you to tell me what to do!  However, I will answer the question posed.  Mr. Peepers, in his normal state, in his normal universe, is quite simply, a peeping tom!  He has said himself that he goes ‘from window to window, seeing what he can see.’  He is a pathetic creature who obviously cannot make it with any female, so he must get cheap thrills by watching random women undress!”

“You can use this knowledge to defeat Peepers in the Last Battle!  He has tried to create his own perfect woman, but has been unable to, despite having godlike powers.  You could offer him a woman, but I know there is only one among you, and Peepers deemed her to have a dirty hoo ha.”

Clinkscales got upset with that remark about Lucy, and threatened to attack the white cloth.  Charlie and Choo Choo held him back.

“So what can we do if we have no woman to tempt him with?” asked Choo Choo Andrews.

“That is for you to figure out.  I would suggest getting many porno magazines to distract him with!  Now, I must go, as I still have Peepers distracted using my own means.  My distraction will only last a short while longer.  In 3 days, your time will be up, and Peepers will be able to see what you’re doing again!  Farewell, and good luck!”

With that, the glowing cloth and toilet disappeared.

NEXT:  RECOGNIZING DEFEAT
WEDNESDAY, January 8, 2014 at 9 PM!

All characters, stories, photos, drawings, and performances
are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson & Crevice Creations

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real

persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental