Peepers' Pitt--Kamola

Artist's Rendering of Kamola!

Peepers’ Pitt--Peepers New Crew pt. 19 of 20: “Kamola”
Peepers floated, invisible to everything around him, as he surveyed the indivdual below. This was the last of the individuals he had brought to his Peepers Pitt, a rather large Asian lady called Kamola. Upon closer observation, Peepers discovered that Kamola was actually from Thailand. He could see that fact very clearly in her thoughts. However, it was not the Thailand of Peepers’ Earth. Kamola had come from an alternate Earth, as all Peepers’ “new crew” had. In Kamola’s Thailand, everyone appeared to be suffering from a famine…except her!

Peepers floated down closer to the little straw hut he had placed Kamola in. It had been his goal to remove Kamola from her food source, and to see how she would react to such a predicament. Had Kamola really eaten all the food of an entire country? She was large, but she was not THAT large! Peepers couldn’t get all the information he wanted from her, because her mind was filled with single thoughts that she kept revisiting repeatedly. They included her name, where she was from, food, hunger, fullness, and lustful desire! Peepers certainly liked the last part, and would have focused on that if he wasn’t so sure there was much more to this Kamola.

Peepers had come so quickly to Kamola because he had sensed that she was doing something rather interesting. Now, upon his arrival, it appeared that she was doing absolutely nothing! She sat there on the ground inside the hut, leaning over with her hands in the dirt. Peepers’ godlike sensations had never been wrong! He was sure that Kamola was up to something! Yet, whatever it was, there was no evidence he could discern. Peepers laughed to himself. He was the Preeminent Peeper! Nothing in his Peepers’ Pitt occurred without him knowing! Perhaps he was getting a bit of O.C.D from all the sensory input he had been absorbing in his godlike state. Peepers was bored with Kamola, and didn’t even bother to appear before her for an interaction. He just floated away, still in his invisible state. An instant later, Kamola looked up at the departing Peepers…

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictious.
Any similarity between persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Shit Pitt--Rebellion Roadblock

Will the Rebellion stop Spurrier's Wedding?

Shit Pitt--Bridle Vows pt. 1 of 5: “Rebellion Roadblock”
Spurrier sat on Snigger’s back as they returned to the Rosewood Cowboy’s farm. He looked around and felt a sense of disgust. He had worked so hard to rescue Snigger the horse from this place, now they had been forced to come back! The Reverend Reynolds had agreed to marry Coach Spurrier and Snigger on one condition--they had to return to the Cowboy’s farm. Reynolds had refused to marry them somewhere else as Spurrier had hoped. The Cocky Coach had suggested other places such as the Crockaboose, the Prove It Ground, and even Spurrier’s own college football stadium! Reynolds said no to all, stating that he could not leave the Shitling prison on the Cowboy’s farm since his “work with them was at a critical stage.” Spurrier tried other ministers and Justices of the Peace, but NO ONE wanted to unite a man and a horse! So, Spurrier agreed, but only after calling his contacts at the jail where the Cowboy was being held, to make sure he was still there. Spurrier didn’t want to walk into some kind of trap by going back to the Cowboy’s farm.

Satisfied that the Cowboy was still unable to interfere in his marriage to Snigger, Coach Spurrier got to thinking about how the farm was actually the perfect location. What better place was there to take Snigger away from the Cowboy forever? Once married, Spurrier could constantly reiterate the fact that he took away the Cowboy’s prized possession, on his OWN LAND! Spurrier smiled smugly as they approached the large ranch house that had served as the Rebellion’s base of operations during the Shit War. Spurrier wondered about the other members of the Rebellion, and what they were up to. The Cocky Coach had only been on the run for a week. Was the entire rebellion STILL hanging around, and how would they feel about the Cowboy being thrown in jail due to his dealings?

Spurrier’s question was answered quickly, as the Alienated Alien, Optic Ink Eye, appeared on the front porch! The OIE saw Spurrier, and quickly went off in one of his fits of insanity, spouting undecipherable sounds that have been said to be words in his native tongue. Spurrier cussed as Johnny Pizzazz, Vinnie Love, a newly-healed Betram Bunny appeared a moment later. Coach Spurrier thought that Reverend Reynolds would have kept this all a secret. Yet, from the looks of things, Reynolds had told everyone! They knew he had taken Snigger, and most likely, about his indirect action that resulted in the Cowboy’s arrest! How was he going to prevent his old friends in the Rebellion from getting in the way of his marriage to the horse he loved more than life itself? He was about to find out…

COMING IN OCTOBER: THE RESOLUTION OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF DOOM STORYLINE!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

New Ink Pitt--Good Leppy

Lenny must
endure disrespect!

Makings of a Mormon pt. 4 of 5: “Good Leppy”
Lenny was relieved. Mormon Sunday School was finally over, and he and Rufus were allowed to leave. Lenny had learned next to nothing about Mormonism, since he was surrounded by a bunch of children, and the “teacher” dozed off in a chair. Lenny had been upset the entire time, but held his tongue for Rachel’s sake.

Lenny felt that there had been a mix-up, and that the Mormons had placed him with the children by accident. The leprechaun thought a little more. Perhaps it hadn’t been an accident at all! What if Brother Brad had had him placed him in the kids’ Sunday school class just so he could spend time with Rachel? That thought sent Lenny into a fit of rage, and he began to run up the hallway towards some double doors that led to the sanctuary. He was going to find Brother Brad and punch him…right in the “noots!”

Rufus yelled from behind. “Lenny, you ‘membah wh-wh-what I say? I TELL MAH MOMMEE IF YOU BAD!!”

Lenny froze in his tracks. He couldn’t risk Rachel putting him out of her life again. This was his last chance to make her his wife, and to be a family. Lenny sighed. Rufus walked up behind and petted him on` the head.

“Th-that a good leppy, Lenny!”

Lenny was boiling over in anger as Rufus called him “leppy!” If he ever got the chance to be the retard’s father, he vowed that he was going to spank his disrespectful arse! For now, he had to go along with things, no matter how bad it got. Lenny the Leprechaun would become a MORMON, at all costs!

A door opened, and Rachel walked out of class with some other women. There was no sign of Brother Brad. Some of Lenny’s anger faded with that knowledge. Rachel took Lenny’s hand and explained that it was time for the main part of Mormon services, which all of them would participate in together. She led Lenny and Rufus through the double doors…

COMING IN OCTOBER: THE RESOLUTION OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF DOOM STORYLINE!

All characters, stories, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictious.
Any similarity between persons living or dead, are purely coincidental.

Peepers' Pitt--Tinkerer and the Creation of Life

The Mad Tinkerer's Robot!

Peepers’ Pitt--Peepers New Crew pt. 18 of 20: “Tinkerer and the Creation of Life”
Peepers watched the scene before him with great curiosity. The mad scientist known as the Mad Tinkerer had been hard at work trying to restore his robot to life. After jiggling some wires, the Tinkerer was finally successful! The body of the large, humanoid robot hummed as its various sytstems came online. The Tinkerer got out a giant remote control and started fiddling with it. He pushed the joystick of the control forward, and the robot’s arms moved! Another push caused the robot to sit up! Finally, the robot turned to the side of the table, and got off. It stood there, nearly seven feet high, above the Tinkerer, awaiting the next command. Peepers was astonished. Perhaps the Mad Tinkerer and his robot were the most interesting of all the individuals he had brought to his Peepers’ Pitt! Surely, the scientist would be full of experience, and the experience that interested Peepers the most was the creation of life! If the Tinkerer created the robot, then maybe he could help Peepers in his quest to create the perfect woman! Even with his godlike power, the creation of life had eluded Peepers. It was why he had had to bring individuals to his Peepers’ Pitt instead of creating them. Peepers longed for the secret to creating life, and now that he had observed the Tinkerer, he felt that it was within his reach! Peepers held that thought, as he would come back to the Tinkerer and his robot soon. For now, there was one more individual he had to check up on in his Peepers’ Pitt. She was the last of the “new crew” Peepers had brought in. She was a fat Thai woman by the name of Kamola! Peepers sensed Kamola was up to something at that very moment in his Peepers Pitt--something quite interesting!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictious.
Any similarity between persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Shit Pitt--Walking Dead Sermon

Can Gwala be Saved?

Shit Pitt--Shitfall--Suitable Sermons pt. 3 of 3: "Walking Dead Sermon"
Last time, the Reverend Reynolds had preached about the evils of doctors and the healthcare industry with the fiery sermon entitled, “Ask Your Doctor? Is he God?”
The suitable sermon had been custom-made for one of the most evil Shitlings--Doctor Dyson! The Devilish Doctor had worked for Shithead, altering good people with his medical meddlings! Now, it was time for the Good Reverend to preach one last suitable sermon in his series. He would preach his final sermon on…THE WALKING DEAD!

Of the three Shitlings sitting before Reynolds, perhaps the most horrifying was Gwala, the Jamaican Zombie! Supposedly, this skull-faced creature was a zombie true to type…a devourer of human flesh and blood who took a special liking to BRAINS! Yet, in all the conflict of the Shit War, it seemed that Gwala wasn’t really after human flesh at all. No, Carnastas the Cannibalistic Clown (who had now become a vegetarian) had lusted for flesh, but not Gwala! It seemed Gwala was only interested in eating potato chips, as he had brought a bag to every sermon thus far! Reverend Reynolds didn’t really notice this fact, and took Gwala for a stereotypical zombie!

“Brothers, there is one among us who is not alive….BUT he’s not quite dead either! My friends, I tell ya the truth, that among us is…THE WALKING DEAD!” The Reverend Reynolds paused in order to let that idea sink in. Doctor Dyson and Bennie Hate didn’t seem to be paying any attention at all. Gwala munched down on a large bag of potato chips. His skeletal face and long dreadlocks were testament to the fact that, at least in appearance, he was truly a JAMAICAN ZOMBIE!

Reynolds continued. “Yes, he is one of the WALKING DEAD, and is neither alive or dead! Now, that presents a problem. In order to be saved from your sins, there has to be life! You have to have a life that you can surrender to the light in order to be saved. During your life, you get saved before death! Yet, this individual has NO life, as he already walks with death! Did you hear me?!? He WALKS with DEATH! How can this be? How can a dead man WALK? How can a living man be DEAD? It just doesn’t make sense!”

Reynolds paused again, and looked sternly at Gwala, who had finished his entire bag of potato chips!

“Believe me, Brothers, the Good Reverend has questioned his faith and tried to find an answer to this dilemma! He has tried to save this individual who walks, yet who is dead! He’s tried to help this person who eats human flesh and brains! The Good Reverend got down on his knees and pondered the fate of this creature’s soul! That was when he got the answer! The Reverend Reynolds was shown the truth about the WALKING DEAD! This individual cannot be saved, because he is not alive in the sense that we know it, and because of this…HE HAS NO SOUL! Since he has no soul, then there is no hope for him! There is nothing the Good Reverend can do to help him!”

Gwala looked a bit sad. He then took out another bag of potato chips and started eating them. The Good Reverend walked down to Gwala, with tears in his eyes. He put his hand on the Jamaican Zombie’s shoulder and said,

“Gwala, I’m sorry. There are just some creatures that are beyond salavation.”

The reverend then sank to his knees as tears streamed down his face. Suddenly, a light appeared above the reverend and Gwala. Reynolds looked up in wonderment. When he looked down again, he saw that his hands were glowing! In the next second, he lost control of himself, and his left hand shot up, and once more rested on Gwala’s shoulder. Reynolds looked up once more, and no longer saw a skeletal Jamaican zombie. In it’s place was a young Jamaican man with dreadlocks!

“BROTHERS! LOOK! IT’S A MIRACLE! GWALA HAS BEEN HEALED AND RESTORED TO LIFE! REJOICE!”

COMING IN OCTOBER: THE RESOLUTION OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF DOOM STORYLINE!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

New Ink Pitt--Small Sunday School

Lenny's Height is a Factor!

Makings of a Mormon pt. 3 of 5: “Small Sunday School”
Lenny crawled out of the seat of Rachel’s minivan. The short legs and arms of his 3’ plus frame were making it difficult. The retarded Rufus was sitting in the back, and started making fun of Lenny’s struggle.

“Hee hee hee! Lenny look silly!”

Lenny clung to the edge of the seat as he slowly made his way down. “Why don’t ye shut yer trap ye re-” Lenny was stopped mid-sentence as he saw Rachel, leaning over from her seat on the driver’s side across from him. He knew to hold his tongue and not to say Rufus was “retarded,” because Rachel would be angry with him once more. However, that thought hadn’t occurred to him yet. What had frozen Lenny’s words was the sight before him. It was partly due to how beautiful Rachel looked in her dress, but it was mostly due to the fact that, as she leaned over, that dress revealed a large portion of her bountiful breasts! Rufus could see about two-thirds of each one, which made his imagination run wild.

“Let me help you, silly!” Rachel spoke, momentarily ending Lenny’s naughty thoughts. Rachel held his little hand as he climbed down to the pavement.

“Thank ye, Rachel!” He then brushed himself off, and adjusted his wee green suit. Lenny looked around. They were in the parking lot of the Mormon church. The leprechaun put his hands on his hips and surveyed the building. The Mormon church was the strangest he ever saw. It was a bit plain, with no Virgin Mary statue or even a single cross in sight! Atop the building, in place of a cross, was a straight metal rod! Lenny wondered if Mormons were Christians at all. Upon entering the building, they were greeted by Brother Brad! Lenny’s stomach turned at the sight of the pompus “priest” who’d been trying to make time with his woman. Lenny thought to himself how, in Catholicism, “Brother” Brad would be a huge sinner for breaking his vow to God to flirt with women! Moments after entering, an older woman came up to Lenny and Rufus and told them she’d show them to their Sunday school room. Lenny didn’t want to be separated from his lady love, but Rachel insisted he go. Lenny didn’t understand why he had to go with Rufus to Sunday school. His questions would be answered as they entered a room with lots of children sitting at a small table. In that moment, it hit him. The Mormons thought that because Lenny was short, that he was a child! Lenny was offended and prepared to raise some green hell, but a comment by Rufus stopped him.

“Lenny if you be baaad, I tell mah mommee on you!”

Rufus then ran into the room and grabbed a coloring book and sat on the floor with it, as if he didn’t know what was going on. Lenny gritted his teeth in anger as he held it all in. He sat down at the little table and watched the brats go to work on their coloring books with crayons. Lenny sighed. Being a Mormon wasn’t going to be easy!

COMING IN OCTOBER: THE RESOLUTION OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF DOOM STORYLINE!

All characters, stories, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictious.
Any similarity between persons living or dead, are purely coincidental.

Peepers' Pitt--The Mad Tinkerer

The Mad Tinkerer!

Peepers’ Pitt--Peepers New Crew pt. 17 of 20: “The Mad Tinkerer”
Van Punker and Lucy were going at it! The rocker and the number one ho were engaged in sexual acts that, quite possibly, would shock even the most lustful porn star! Mr. Peepers, in his godlike state, floated nearby, unnoticed as he gazed upon the scene in absolute delight! He craved seeing the actions of those in his Peepers’ Pitt, since he sought to gain experience by watching them. One of his favorite actions to watch was sex! Peepers marveled at the moves of Van Punker, and was blown away by the even more erotic moves of Lucy, number one ho! Lucy was certainly not the perfect woman, due to the imperfection in her hoo ha, but she was surely the perfect sex partner! Peepers turned his head sideways as Lucy moved her body in impossible ways to please her lover! After several long-lasting acts of sex, Lucy finally exhausted Van Punker, who passed out on the bed! She lay down beside him. They were satisfied, as was Peepers’ lust for sex. However, Peepers’ lust for action was NOT satisfied! It was time to turn his attention to someone else in his Peepers’ Pitt, someone new that he had not viewed since his arrival. Peepers’s glasses glowed and an instant later, he was somewhere else! He floated above a warehouse building.

Peepers’ glasses glowed again, and he appeared in a makeshift laboratory inside the building. All kinds of electronic equipment was strewn all over the place, and in the center of the room was a table with what appeared to be a robot that had arms, legs, and a head! Peepers had come to see the mad scientist he had brought to his Peepers’ Pitt with the others. He was the man known only as…THE MAD TINKERER!

The Mad Tinkerer was over at a giant computer, turning knobs and twisting wires. He had his back turned to Peepers, and only his pointy hair and labcoat were visible as he went about his work. He cursed the wires, and questioned himself about why they wouldn’t work. He wanted to know why the equipment could not restore the robot to life! The Mad Tinkerer turned around, but did not see Peepers, who was once more invisible. The Tinkerer went on and on about his problem as Peepers watched. Peepers was enjoying the struggle the Tinkerer was having, and decided to remain there awhile to observe further. The Tinkerer went back over to some wires, and jiggled them. Suddenly, sparks flew out of the computer, and the eyes of the robot lit up! The Tinkerer jumped and clapped his hands in victory as his creation was once more alive! Peepers smiled and continued watching. What would happen next?

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictious.
Any similarity between persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.